“I did not have sex with that woman!” It is obvious from this statement by President Clinton that at least one very influential person still defines sexual activity narrowly as coitus. We use the term coitus here, meaning penis-in-vagina intercourse, because even vaginal intercourse leaves room for other objects to be inserted without necessarily having to call that activity sex.
Sex as coitus is a very limiting way to think about and approach sexual activities. It discounts all other activities that can bring equal or even greater sexual pleasure and sets up an all or nothing scenario. If it isn’t the in-and-out, then it isn’t really sex. If we cannot get or keep an erection, if intercourse is painful then sex stops.
Sex need not be so restricting. In fact, when we are open to nature’s aphrodisiacs of hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting, feeling, and imagining then sexual activities become unlimited, expansive. Think of it, would you rather have coitus that is not pleasurable or receive an hour of erotic massage that feels great and arousing? Open your mind, your body, and your heart to the possibilities.
“When one friend offered to listen to my repressed feelings about sexuality, presto, everything changed!” Cybersex–aka computer sex–is becoming a more and more popular way of communicating and sharing sexual desires in the relative safety and anonymity of the Internet.