Article

A Break in a Relationship Sometimes Saves It

So you feel as if nothing is working out in your life or maybe some things are working out for you but your current relationship has executed a wrong turn and has failed to find the right road again. If you are frustrated in your relationship or with your partner you might want to consider taking a break. Taking a break does not mean that you no longer love each other. A break does not mean that you will not resolve your issues within the relationship. A break is a common practice among people who are dating, live together or our married. Taking a break can lead to a sense of relationship renewal and better communication between you and your partner. If you are unsatisfied with your relationship there are a few things to consider before you decide to take a break.

First of all you should sit down and ask yourself why you are unhappy in the relationship. Make a list of the characteristics you love about your partner. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Was it because of common interests or because they were what you needed at the time? All of us fall in love for different reasons. Next write down your partners characteristics that have been bothering you. See if there are any dangerous warning signs such as excessive alcohol use or a violent temper. After you have made your list carefully consider your goals in life, your life plan and figure out how your current relationship fits into this plan. Also, take into consideration that your relationship stress may have nothing do to with the relationship itself. You could be experiencing the pressure of financial stress or maybe you just faced a traumatic event or you feel overwhelmed in your life right now. Many times relationships suffer when external sources are negatively impacting us. Figure out what is going on in your life and separate the external stress factors. After you have carefully thought all of this through it is time to sit down and talk with your partner.

It is only fair that you are honest with your partner about your feelings. Nothing can be resolved without clear communication. Both of you should engage in a serious discussion about your relationship and where it is going. Your partner may be just as unhappy as you are. After all is said and done the two of you may decide to take a break. A relationship break is a healthy option that many couples benefit from. Sometimes it is necessary for people to take a break in order to figure out what they want or to view the relationship in a different light. During a break make sure to talk with your partner, check and see how things are going and discuss what you want for the future. Many couples that get back together after a break find their relationship to be stronger.

Some of us forget why we fell in love or our life has become burdensome and we just need to take a break from everything. A relationship break is not the end of the world. Sometimes a break is just the beginning as it leads to a more promising and fulfilling relationship in the future. A relationship break can cause us to realize that our partner is truly the love of our life.


Comments (160 comments)

i’m goin through a “break” right now, still have no idea what my bf means by it. still tryin to sit down to talk about it, but just reading this artcile has made me understand more.. and i just wanna say thank you

manda / December 26th, 2007, 12:50 pm / #

My partner has decided that he wants to take a break, and im all for it! We have a son who is now 10 months old and he is beautiful, adorable and healthy, however I am 22 and my partner is 30. I know he loves me and his done so much to prove this fact and I love him from the bottom of my heart, I just don’t know if this is for me. I’m kind of confused.

I don’t live the life of a typical 22 year old, im busy playing mum and making arrangements to buy property and live elsewhere and I sometimes wonder what im missing out on in regards to experience and the things that you would normally learn at this tender age to equip you for life and fuel your growth, plus I am so afraid of being hurt by him that I do things to push him away.

I would say we are perfect for eachother but then again what would I know considering this is my first serious relationship with a guy!

Do you see what I mean, theres so much confusion and I feel like if I really loved him would I have all these thoughts circulating my brain? I feel guilty to feel the way I do and I really don’t wana lose him because he is one of the best things that has happened to me but I don’t know if I can handle the intensity of this relationship and the responsiblity of being a gf + mother.

Im not sure but I think and perhaps just hope that I can figure out whatever it is that I need to know about myself or life and that ultimately that can make us stronger

anonymous / March 1st, 2008, 12:49 am / #

Dear Anonymous,

You really are very young, and with a lot of responsibility already. The age difference between you and your partner isn’t very great, it just seems large now because, in fact, you are very young. In five years it will have virtually evaporated. He sounds great, by the way, and well worth keeping, provided the chemistry is right. Just tell him that you aren’t dumping him, but you’ve got to get yourself together before you can move on with him. And be totally, absolutely, fanatically honest with him–to the extent that you know what’s what yourself (limited for everyone, until time has its way).

There’s some fairly good advice out there on relationships these days, and perhaps you could take some time taking some of it in. It often comes in hard to digest form–relationship experts, pseudo-psychologists, life coaches, etc. You have to separate the wheat from the chaff. Work it through slowly. But the basic, simple idea that that has helped me think about my own relationship has been the principle that compatibility is the basis of all good relationships. And that compatibility is comprised of sexual, personal, and practical compatibility. The sexual is obvious–either you love the sex or there’s something (maybe you don’t know what) just a bit off. With your age, some things in this department may have to do learning–most women, for instance, do have to learn what brings them to orgasm, and this can take time and patience. (Usually it is themselves playing with their clitorises while lovemaking, but certainly there are many, many exceptions.) The personal is the friendship level–do you love to just sit and chat? Is he your best friend? And the practical has to do with distribution of chores and responsibilities, shared goals, and so on. Check out a site called the Relationship Gym. Not bad, actually quite good.

And take it from me–I was married for fifteen years and had made a big mistake–you can and should take your time. Fear of being alone and/or making a mistake, losing the best guy in the world etc. is a major motivator, and the cause of millions of unhappy marriages. I have known some happy couples, happy after twenty, thirty, or more years. And every single one of them has a similar story–and it’s the story of compatibility, coupled with skills that anyone can learn: how to resolve conflicts, not go to be angry, develop common interests, share feelings openly, and so on. But first comes the compatibility, and on that score make no compromises.

Best of luck.
Alex

Alex / March 10th, 2008, 1:46 am / #

I’m going through something similar right now and having a very difficult time. I meet my partner, unfortunately, shortly after separation from my wife. I still had a lot of baggage, and she had to endure waiting for me to get my life organized. I know it wasn’t the right time to start a relationship, but nevertheless it happened, and we fell in love with each other.

As time went on, she became resentful and bitter that she had to wait while I cleaned my life up. She raised walls to try and protect herself and in doing so her feelings changed towards me. Yet, I only feel deeper in love with her.

I’ve known for a while something wasn’t right with us, but held on desperately to the belief that we could work it out and get through it. This week she sent me an email saying that we had reached a fork in our relationship and that we could either try to muddle through and stay together which would probably end up in us breaking apart, or we could take a break for a few months so I could my life in order and we could start our relationship fresh and the right way.

She says she loves me and believes what we have is worth fighting for and that this is the only possible way of salvaging it. Being away from me for a while hopefully will show her what her life is like without me, and bring back those feelings to make us strong again.

It’s hard for me, however. I’m very in love with her and I’m terrified that through this she will move on and I’ll be left in the dust. I don’t want to be with anyone else, and I told her that throughout this I would do what had to be done and I would remain committed to her.

So here I am, moping about and crying, not eating, but trying to keep positive that we can survive this. Waiting a month or two seems like hell to me though, and not being able to talk to her everyday is agony. I’m going to be strong and give her her space, but hope that she will see just what I bring to her life.

And that’s the thing really in all this. Waiting. How do I take each day when all I can think about is her? I know what I have to do, I’m just scared at the end of it all she won’t be there.

Gary.

Gary / March 27th, 2008, 9:51 pm / #

My boyfriend didn’t really ask me for space (or a break). He just stopped calling and texting all together. His aunt came to my house and she told me that he told me he wanted space (which is soooo not true). He never said anything. Oh well. Anyways, she said he just wants his space for a little while. I’m 10 weeks pregnant with his child. This is wonderful for my hormones. But the truth is that taking a break is not always the wisest decision, considering the fact that I do not plan on taking him back after this. When he calls, which he will (always does) I plan on telling him to **** off. This little break has made me realize that there are more problems with our relationship than anything and I am tired of trying. So I guess it will backfire!! Sometimes taking a break can do more harm than good, especially if it not discussed thorougly, and depending on the problems in the relationship.

Amber / April 14th, 2008, 11:25 pm / #

am in a very confusing situation myself,was in love with a guy ayear ago and then he caled it off,saying that there were some things he had to do 4 his parents,that they didnt want it,(our relationship),now a year later he wants me back,during this year i lost my brother and my father and inspite of knowing this,he didnt even call to condole me? he said he was afraid to face me…he is beggung 4 forgiveness…what should i do,can i ever trust such a person

soma / May 2nd, 2008, 2:02 pm / #

me and my partner are going through a break right now. at first i hated the idea of it. i was like damn what if she finds somebody else durin this break. or what if she figures out that im not the best for her. im scared on what her final decision is. she loves me and this is for sure. but we argue so much that she is confused on knowing if being with me is the best or if we are just pusing it to far nd need to take our own paths alone. i hope this break really makes us stronger because she is the best thing that has ever happend.i hope i dont end up getting my heart broken. the hardest thing ever will be to move on.

Glenda / May 19th, 2008, 11:57 pm / #

My fiance and I made plans to marry this month, but about 3 weeks before our wedding, he decided he want to talk. By talk, I mean he wanted to postpone our wedding. Likewise I got angry and said some things that were hurtful. I even took of my engagement ring and threw it across the table because I was so upset. He posed some reasons for wanting to postpone it, but to me, they weren’t good enough reasons.
It’s now been a week since that mishap. I agreed to his decision of postponing and want to work things out. He wants a break and I agreed to this as well. He still talks about “us” things. Like us buying a house together. Us having kids together. Us going on vacation. I know he loves me deeply, but maybe taking some space will do us some good and realize that we both can’t live without each other.
I’m keeping the faith and praying things do work out in the end.

Sarah / September 2nd, 2008, 2:37 pm / #

My boyfriend is very hesitant with giving the relationship a break. He doesn’t understand that we talk entirely too much and it just gets bothersome. He and I are in a long distance relationship. We only live 80 miles apart but it is still hard. My family doesn’t like him much because he is a few years older. I think that is one of the reasons it is so hard. We fight at least 4 times a week. One day we will be the happiest couple in the world and the next day it would fall to pieces. Once one or the other ends it, soon after we are back together. Our last arguement was really stupid and a waste of our time. After we broke up I told him that i thought we should break up. I thought that we needed some time to realize what we want and get time. He said that no matter what kind of break we take, when we come back the problems will still be there. I disagreed greatly. He got really sad, so i made the choice to start dating him again. I don’t know if it was from guilt or Because i loved him. We just need help. He was my first everything and I really need him to be my last. I am willing to do anything for help.

alisha whitfield / December 8th, 2008, 2:45 am / #

i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have had some on going problems. the trust in our relationship has been broken several times. i don’t know if he cheated but he lied to hang out with other girls so i can only assume. i have tried to forgive and work on things but whenever we fight these things keep getting brought back up. we haven’t been able to really move past them. we have talked seriously about marriage and for the longest time i believed we were worth fighting for. but i’ve taken some time to think and realized we have completely different views on religion, politics, drugs, goals, raising kids, etc. i am heart broken to have to end it with him and constantly going back in forth in my mind, is this the right decision?

sk / January 6th, 2009, 4:52 am / #

My relationship is tough because we had been together for about one week before my gf got diaognosed with cancer. Her cancer is spreading and it seems that like the relationship was stressing both of us out. Her parentsb are racist so that adds additional stress and she lives about 2-hours away. My case is unique but am posting this to help others out. My case is hard becauese she’s extremely angry at me and like she is gravely ill. I do love her; if not I wouldn’t want to go through this with her, but it’s hard. I feel bad because she just told me to wait for her and she would maybe call me in “a month, a three months, or maybe never”. That’s tough….everybody reading this..if you feel down just look at my story…maybe you’ll feel better. I’m just anxious because if I contact her she’ll get angrier but I have to wait and hope that she will contact me…:(…she loves me deep downs inside; we’re both each other’s first bf/gf and we use to always talk about how we would get through everything and our futures…..stay strong guys and gals…I will

M-Reyes / January 21st, 2009, 11:58 am / #

GARY!!!!!

I realize this thread is dead ages ago, but I am going through almost the exact thing as Gary and I just wanted to say: I feel your pain, man! It’s like purgatory… It’s awful when you’re there and you don’t know if you’re going to hell or heaven afterwards.

God, I hope she comes back to me at the end of this.

In case you come back to see this, Gary… How’d it go??

Mari / February 6th, 2009, 5:29 am / #

Hello,

i am a 21 yr old mom of a 8 month old baby boy and he is the joy of my life. Well anyways, i am in a relationship with the father of my son and we have been together for two years and been living together for about 1 1/2 years. And we are having problem which a causing me to be unhappy to the point of depression. Now days i only really smile when i look at my son and it didn’t used to be that way…i used to be happy all the time…my bf has changed..he has cheated on me numerous times…develop a habit of smoking pot…amongst other things that are simply driving me away….i honestly feel like the only reason why im with him now is because i want him in our son life…but i know thats not a good thing…i love him so much because we went through a lot in the short time that we’ve been together and he’s been there for me when no one else was…should i stay? would a break be good? or should i go? the bad doesnt out weigh the good…in my case the bad is equal to good….please help!

Kim / February 7th, 2009, 9:04 am / #

I feel so lost and confused with reading about relationship breaks. My boyfriend and I have been dating since August 2008 and he’s recently started a job and is working 7 days a week and usually 12-hour shifts…but its a sub-contractor job. When he first started four weeks ago, he quit calling, quit texting, wouldn’t return any messages, and after two weeks of not talking to him or seeing him, I made the fatal error by asking him where we were in our relationship. He freaked out and said he would have to rethink everything. Well, he finally gets back to me a week later and asks me where I am at. Well, I’m at my cousin’s house so I tell him I will meet him somewhere. We meet, I’m super excited to see him as I have not seen him for three weeks. He walks in, looking uber upset and I ask him if everything is ok, and of course its a “no”. My heart sinks before he even says anymore. He says he “can’t do this” and he hands me a little key necklace that matches my necklace and says he wants me to take it back. It hurt so much that I couldn’t say one thing. Shock factor, then he leaves. Well, around midnight or so, he calls me and my eyes are in rough condtion, so I don’t know who it is and I answer. He tells me he is sorry, he didn’t want it to end this way, he didn’t want it to end period and I break down again. Then he continues on to tell me that he needs a break. He needs to get things in his life figured out. And then he tells me that he loves me. I am confused as all heck at this point. He can’t do this, he didn’t want to leave me, and he needs a break. I don’t know what to think anymore, all I know is that I can’t live without him. I worry so much about him working all the time, and its just so ugh. Hard.

Cassandra / February 11th, 2009, 11:27 am / #

I’m going through “a break” as well and it’s day four. The first day I was numb and the second day still numb but more like denile. I kept telling myself to have faith, he’ll come back. Third day, sadness kicked in and some tears when I thought about never being able to see him again. He said things we’re going “to0 fast” which is what I said to him in the beginning. We meet online and the first night we meet we spent the night together. I know, not the wisest choice!! But it just felt right, I didn’t question it and either did he. (Of course he’s a guy) I made him aware that I never do that, (didn’t say that I hadn’t had sex in years) He said he never did that before either and hadn’t been with anyone for a year. We saw eachother again a week later and I stayed at his place with for the weekend. He lives five hours away from me (long distant sucks!)and I usually make the trip to see him. By the third week we both stated that we are only seeing eachother. Now that it’s past the three month mark on the thrid of Febuary, and this was right around the time he started to act distant and moody. I felt I needed to ask what the problem was. I aproached him like a grown up, stating that I just wanted to understand and to help me understand. He stated that its moving too fast and that the distance is hard and that he can’t give me what I deserve. That I get upset when he can’t call or I can’t reach him. Basically saying that he’s feeling like I’m too demanding. Maybe he’s feeling smoothered. I don’t know, last month when he got back from visiting the east coast he couldn’t wait to see me. He called me the minute he got home, saying I just wanted to hear your voice and I missed ya. We didn’t even talk the whole week he was gone. I guess the good news was he did give a time frame, when we can get back together, I’m go to school in the fall I hope, I should be closer to him. (This means he was giving the matter some thought already) He said, I do like having you in my life and I still want to talk to you. I decided to tell him how I really felt about him, I told him I was in love with him. I just wanted to be honest about how I felt. He said, I can’t say the same…it’s not that I couldn’t feel that way about you. He also stated I’m not denying that I have feelings for you. It ended with him staing that he still would like to call me and asked if that would be ok. I really wanted to say, no screw you! If you’re not even sure if you love me by now, then forget! But don’t want to lose him and it makes me sad to think of my life with out him in it. I could really tell that he was being honest in all that he said to me and maybe he’s just scared cause he may not know what he’s feeling for me yet. He could be stressed and needs a time out, to figure out if he really loves me and whether or not we can move forward. I mean things do get harder once the honeymoon stage ends and everything becomes more real. But I believe if you put the work in, it’s worth it! Isn’t it? Relationships are not easy all the time, there are good times and bad times, but if you truely love that person you try your best to work through it. I’m just scared he might not really want me to love him, maybe he’s not ready to be in committed relationship. In the beginning I thought he was mature enough, but timing is everything and maybe he feels the timing is all wrong? I just hope he really does love, my heart feels like he does. We are compatable and a like in many many ways. But he is all male and I’m all female, I don’t have a problem with him being in control and being “the man” in the relationship, but just make sure that you’re taking us someplace that’s right for the both of us. If you’re in control of the relationship you can’t be confused about what you want out of it! I’m really feeling like’s confused about what he wants deep down. So I’m hoping he can use this break to figure everything out, I’m hoping he’ll call in a week and tell me that he’s better now and that he loves me too. And that he’s sorry for hurting me and that he wants to make a committment )of some sort) even if it’s just making it offical that we are BF & GF and moving forward no matter the distance. I’m not anger that he needed this break, I will embrace him with open arms if he comes back or when he calls. I know he will call. I promised myself I won’t punish him and that I’ll be happy that he called. Sorry if I sound weak or clingy, but I’m not either. I just believe in unconditional love and that’s what I’m trying to build. I’m tried of childish-unhealthy relationship and game playing. I believe in “treat others the way you would like to be treated.” And if I needed space, I’d like to feel safe to come back to someone who will support me and not judge me. I’m just hoping to recieve the loving I’ve been trying send out; “Love is patient, love is kind”…I forgot the rest. I’m just hoping for my miracle and for what I once wished for, I just have to believe, I’ve done all that I could do. It’s out of my hands and I have no regrets. At least I had the change to fall in love once again and it was better that the first time, even if it only lasted three months. Please pray for me, I wish you all the best!

Is it meant to be? / February 20th, 2009, 7:11 am / #

Gary and Mari!

The same thing is happening to me! Just knowing that she hated the fights enough to take a break makes me never want to have a fight again! I am a changed man, and I want a chance to prove it, but I can’t even see her to prove it! Every day goes so slowly, and work is horrible. It’s depressing to come home and be by myself. I hope and pray this works out, I would give anything to have her back! Good luck all.

Jesse / March 6th, 2009, 11:43 am / #

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for Two and A Half years. He went to college about a year ago and recently joined a fraternity. We have been getting into more fights about the less time we get to talk while he is in the frat. Last night he told me that he wants to take a break. He still loves me so much and I love him just as much back. When he said he wanted to take a break I kind of fell into a depression. When I asked him how long this will take. At first he said a year or two, then he said just a few months, now he is saying it may be just a few weeks. I really am in love. He was my first everything and at first I thought he didn’t love me anymore but when I asked if he did, he said he has always loved me and always will. I asked if it was another girl he said no, then I asked if he was interested in another girl he said Hell No. I have been pretty depressed and after reading this article it gave me confidence that we will be together again. We still love each other, we don’t like anyone else and he wants to work this out. So seeing that other couples do this and that more than half the time it helps made me feel that I still have my boyfriend he just needs space right now and when he comes home I pray to god that me and him can be a couple again.

Bri / March 15th, 2009, 2:16 am / #

My boyfriend of two and half years asked for a break last week, I was utterly shocked and hurt, I mean I knew our relationship was not doing well, we were fighting all the time and have been for a long time but when we were happy, we were so happy. He told me he cant take me never being hapy with him, never thinking he is enough, and I completely understand that now. It has been a week since we went on the break and I still text him but he wont call me or see me cuz he says it is too soon, he needs to be right when he sees me, he needs to not be mad or hurt anymore and that he is scared if we see each other now we will go right back to where we were. Losing him, not having that connection though is hell, every day I just want to talk to him hear his voice but I know that he needs his space, so I am not going to even text him anymore, not every day, I need to give him his space and time. I am terrified that he wont stay with me that he just going to text me one of these days and be like Tasha I am done, he said that on the third day of the break but then took it back and said he couldnt make life decisions yet when he was this mad and hurt and that he just needs his space and time. So I have to give him what he asked for, but still I agonize over not seeing him, not talking to him, but if we are going to make it I have to allow him to decide. I read an article where it said that if someone decided they wanted to break up with you, you cant stop it and that the break is not going to be the reason you break up, so I am just hoping and praying that if i give him space and time, he will remember the good times and why he loved me and let go of the hurt and anger and allow us to try again. …… Ill just have to wait and see

Tasha / March 18th, 2009, 2:58 am / #

My bf just dumped me this afternoon. He said that he really loved me sooo much, but he had to dump me to think a bit. We were in a rough time actually, and he wanted to think wider without me as his girlfriend. He told me that he really wanted to get back to me and have things like it used to be, but he said now was not the time to get back as he wanted to sort things out and be alone for a moment. Do you think it’s a break or a break up?
After all, after reading this article, I feel more relieved and I hope I can get things straight with him.

Crystal / March 19th, 2009, 9:14 pm / #

one question…if one takes a break in our relationship, what are the boundaries? I mean can one cheat while on a break? or is taking a break a time when we suspend all relationshiip aspects while still being committed to each other?

Taipan / March 20th, 2009, 5:06 am / #

Gary, Mari and Jesse,

I’m in the exact situation as you guys were. I don’t know how it is going with you guys though. But to me, life is like hell these days, man. Especially at night when I come back home, being alone in my room without her. So quiet… like now…

I’m waiting for her call. And I’m praying for this break to work out. I am always feared that she has already changed and it hurts so bad when thinking about her.

Today is just day 4. I don’t want to be with anybody else and I don’t think I can.

I PROMISE I’ll come back here and tell you what will be the outcome of this “break” test.

Please pray for us

Minh

Minh / March 21st, 2009, 3:12 pm / #

Wow…seems like I’m not alone! I’ve been with my bf for over 3 yrs and he is going through a real stressful time in school. He says he has no time to be a “boyfriend” to me, but at the end of the day, I find out that he has been hanging out with a bunch of friends (girls and guys). Obviously after hearing that, I get real upset and mad because he says he doesn’t have time for me, but spends his time with his school friends. He wants to take a break, and sometimes I think we should because I always end up being the one that gets hurt. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I feel that he will just find someone else or that I even might find someone else. He makes it seem like I always start a fight, but it’s only because he hurts me by hanging out with other girls (after he has been told I get bothered by it and don’t like it). What should I do?? Any advice??? Please help.

Janet R / March 26th, 2009, 4:44 pm / #

Thank you for this. This has changed everything.

John Smith / March 28th, 2009, 2:44 am / #

a couple days ago my boyfried texted me that he thinks we should take a break and i texted back why but he never answered and i havent tried to talk with him about it because i do not want to make things worse and i dont know what i did wrong and it’s hard

Danielle / April 1st, 2009, 4:14 am / #

Hi everyone,
After a year and a half of laughs, crazy moments and love like i never feelt before my girlfriend decided she wants a break… If you spent a day with us two you would realize and prob say wow they are like the same crazy person same personality and we hardly ever get in fight or anything. i have known her for about 3 years tho and we were always off and on untill we started going out. but currently she is going into her senior year of highschool as i am second year in college..i am home mostly every weekend or can drive back some weekdays.. recently she has feelt a little tied down by me from her high school life.. but she says she still loves me and always sees herself with me growing old (i know were still young and have a long time for that) but basicly she said she needs some time right now to see how she really feels.. even though i have all the faith in the world that we could last in the future its really hard to see someone you love and who STILL loves you back drifting away from you… today has been the third day of the break and i have been trying to limit communication with her so she can feel what its like with me not there, even thou she has ended up texting me at nights so it must be hard for her also.. all of her girlfriends have been telling me how much she loves me its just not as strong and that she just needs some time but shes been on my mind 24/7 my heart is racing and i have just felt so empty.. im so anxious and have know clue how long its going to take her to find the answers… but i want to give her all the space and time she needs.. I just wana make sure im doing everything right and how long should i go without communication with her? is there such thing as too much space? Im trying to make absolutely no errors hear and could take any advise there is.. Thanx- Dustin

dustin / April 1st, 2009, 10:01 pm / #

hey again i found out the other night that another reason why she wants time apart is that she felt i was way to nice to her and i treated her like a princes and just complemented her 24/7 and told her how much i like her (i thought thats what girls want?) she wants to feel the way she did when we first started going out. so how do i play hard to get. during the break she keeps asking me if i like her the same or less i dont no what she wants to hear? maybe less since she wants me to not show as much emotion to her??? should i talk to her a little but act like i did when we first started going out so she can get a better feel of it??? or should i still try and make conversation limited and short??? i need so many answers and i know time will tell but im anxious and dont wana regret if there was somthing i could do to help this all go faster and headed more toward the right direction?? Please if you have any suggestions it would be sooo awesome… thanxs
-Dustin

dustin / April 3rd, 2009, 1:30 am / #

I really appreciate this article and all the other situations I finally feel good about googling a break. I didnt think anyone was going thru this garbage with me, he for sure didnt act like it. Thank you all. and remember to focus on you during this break.

Chrissy / April 4th, 2009, 2:24 pm / #

My girlfriend and I are currently “on a break.” We were debating whether or not to break up entirely but then realized that we’re each unhappy for reasons that are personal and unrelated to our relationship (example: We’ve both gained a good deal of weight recently and feel disgusting.). I can 100% acknowledge the need for this time apart because we had begun to argue constantly and hadn’t been having sex for months, but it’s still very difficult to not talk to her. We’ve set a time, though (one month), so hopefully I can survive without breaking down. I started going to a gym today and also started Weight Watchers (which has worked for me in the past), and I’m hoping for the best. Thank you for the perspective.

EMG / April 6th, 2009, 3:56 am / #

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now, we’ve been so happy for almost a year and 2 months and then all the problems just hit us. We broke up once for a month and then got back, then again for a month and got back again. we both couldnt date anyone else or be with anyone else. We got back a month ago now, and he asked for ‘space’ 2 days ago. I didnt bother asking him why, and that’s what made him explain everything without me asking. He said he needs some time alone!.. and he needs “HIS” space. I tried calling him a day after but he rejected my phonecall and messaged saying “IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL SPACE?”.. I really do not understand what he wants. Is it a break when i cannot message or call? Or is this just an introduction for a “break up”? Should i ignore him for a while or should i message him from now and then to know im not going anywhere? I feel like he wanted space because i was being abit pushy with all my phonecalls and messages. But he was barely calling or picking up which made me go insane and act like a stalker, ALTHOUGH he’s my boyfriend and im too attached to him therefore i think its okay to ask about him 24/7. I still dont know what to do or how to act. please help thank u

Soph / April 14th, 2009, 4:32 am / #

hey guys well, my boyfriend and i have been together 9 months. he said that i was always to worried about things ending with him and he felt like he could never console me. he said he wanted a break when all i really wanted was more time with him. i have the break a day and then completly broke it off today. i told him he shouldnt be pushing me away when what i needed most was the opposite of that. i am a little afraid that i made the wrong decision and that i should have waited the “break” out to see how thing were but, i couldnt do it. i felt like a sitting duck. i felt like he was going to wake up everyday feeling great and refreshed and not stressed just knowing that i’m waking up feelling like hell and anticipating his call. it isnt fair. if he wants to be with me and he wants me to not feel like hes going to leave then its simple…dont leave, dont ask for a break. just love me, console me and do whatever it is that we need to make it work. so, day 1…i changed my phone number. i called off the break. it is offically day 1 of the break up. i feel like shit.

britt / April 18th, 2009, 6:17 am / #

Gary, Mari , Jesse, and Minh,

I’m ALSO going through the exact same thing. I don’t know what happened to you guys, but i am currently on day 9 and it’s been the most painful experience i’ve ever had to endure. I’m paralyzed by this pain. We’ve been arguing every week about the same issue over and over and it finally got to a point that he broke down started crying and telling me how he is not happy anymore. He’s not happy with where he is at work, with his financial situation, and he is so drained and doesn’t think he’s got anything left to give anymore and needs time to himself to sort things out. We did a physical break last month for three weeks where we still talked everyday, but we didn’t see each other in person since we both couldn’t stand not talking each other for so long. But honestly, it didn’t do us any good, and i really think it is a BAD idea to do a break and still talk to each other, because by doing so, you’re not really giving your partner anything to think about or a chance to miss you.

So this time, we actually went into couples counseling as a last resort to save our relationship, while it did help us communicate better, he went into the session asking for a no communication break for three weeks. The therapist said I have a choice to stay in it and do it, or i can choose to walk away, but of course i am staying ’cause i love him. We agreed to meet back in the therapist’s office on May 1st, but it’s been hell for me and i’m paralyzed by this pain. He told me the night before we go into the break, “we’re going to be fine. we’re doing this so that we can be better. it’s only three weeks out of our entire life together.” But everyday i play scenarios in my head thinking he’s going to come back to the session and tell me he doesn’t want this relationship anymore since he asked for the break. I don’t understand how someone who tells you they love you can stand not communicating with you for three weeks. I feel like he might just use this time to move on while i am sitting here thinking we’re working on our issues. It’s so painful and everyday i break down and cry. I am trying to keep myself busy and go on with my life, but how can i when i’m still so much in love and having to do this break? I can’t function, i can’t sleep, i can’t eat. I just want this break to be over.

The therapist told me by doing this break, he will gain back the trust that he won’t be suffocated in this relationship. so I need to be strong and stick it out until may st. I know this is what he needs, but i think it’s so unfair for me to have to do this when i clearly don’t want to spend time apart. I asked the therapist and she said we have no choice because that’s what he really wanted right now and it was either that or to break up. I’m so scared. I want this to work out fine, but i just don’t know what’s going to happen when i see him again. I can’t stand being away from someone i love so much…..

I will come back to report. everyone that’s going through the same thing, be strong. we’ll make it through.

CL / April 21st, 2009, 2:30 am / #

hummm what can say im am very sad right now its now may 1 and second about 11:00 through twelve at night my fiance just asked for a break and weve been together for almost five years. this realationship had some bad times mostly good times and all the time when i thought that he was the fault in the end i figured out i was the one at fault, i reall y thought taking a break was just not pressuring him as much and giving him the space that he needs and to find our selves, but i guess not, because it feels like thats the end of it i knew that maybe i was a good woman but not as good as i thought i was we went through so much and i love him from the bottom of my heart its so hard ,we have a child together and she’s nine months and so beautiful and then the biggest part is that we live together now that just some different shit. but i feel like i wasnt trying hard enough , shit i know now the whole time i was the big fuck up and all he wanted was respect and love and i couldnt bring it as much as he had i feel guilty he’s a very good man i hope that this break will get us to get closer and me to understand that he was agood man and i needed to come stronger than i did i just want to cry all night but im so stressed just got out of surgery in pain like how much am i going to take if i take anymore i feel suicide is next not saying that i am but it just feels like that. i wanted to be with him and this break is one of the biggest dicision that i had to make and im really stressed out what should i do now well i have no choice but to change and find me and to see in the end what i am missing i just wished this never happened when he told me months ago that he feels like i pulling him away from me i should of listen and changed then but when i really wanted to change this shit happens i waited to late huhhh so sad right now.

sasha / May 2nd, 2009, 1:06 pm / #

I am so glad i found this site. i am on a break and mortified! Never been on one before and I find it horrible and feel really sad and afraid of the outcome. We have only been together 9 months similar to Soph . I wanted to do the same but was not brave enough. i totally agree with what you said Soph and admire your courage.

So here I am on day 2 and like a lot of you have said it’s shit !! I think worse cos he instigated it I did not want it. I just keep thinkin about Friends “we were on a break!!” Sorry if you don’t know about that but one of the guys was unfaithful on the 1st day of a break.

Oh well at least I only have a few days ours is just a week. Don’t know if I will last tho may end it yet!

Susie / May 5th, 2009, 5:13 am / #

I have been going out with a girl for 8 years, she’s gorgeous & ilove her to bits. basically we are together since we have been 16. I trust her 100%. i have txt a few women stupidly in the past. That is over a year ago now, you might ask why i did it? truth is i dont know. she seen msgs in my phone at the time and understanably was gutted. u might say if you loved her enough you would not hurt her, truth is I love her to absolute bits and am extremely possesive over her. 3 months ago now I was in a bar at home when i got a random txt on my phone ‘tell your physco girlfriend leave me alone’. my girlfriend was in the back place of the bar and was obviously staring at this girl or giving her dirty eyes or whatever. when i told my girlfriend she completely flipped & finished it with me, after a month apart she booked a holiday with friends, she tells me whilst on holiday one guy came up to her in the nightclub and kissed her for no more than a minute. we are now back together. truth is i am finding it extremely difficult to get over her being with this random guy, she said she only did it to get back at me for all the hurt i have caused her in the past. we are now getting on very well, iam 99% sure that she never hurt me in all the time we were together, she is a genuinly lovely person. we got back together 2 weeks ago after a long and very emotional chat. she said she knows she wants to marry me but it will just take a while to trust me 100%. I will never ever hurt her in any way again not only because i care for her to much but because i do not think i could go through what i went through while we were broke up. I was not with another woman not even a kis while we were on this break i had completely no interest. My problem is I cannot stop thinking about her with this other fella. it drives me insane, whenever i bring it up she gets extremely mad & tells me that if i keep bringing it up it will drive her away. she says it was just for a minute and she hated it. i saw a msg in her phone of when she was in holiday saying ‘i kissed this hottie in the nightclub last night, spanish, black hair..couldnt beleive he touched me..really dont want to see him again though.its so hard like.’ she tells me she only said that because she knew it would get back to me and wanted me to feel some of the hurt she has felt in the past. what do you think, am i being completely selfish here? do we have a future, i know we are both crazy about eachother, how do i block this guy out of my mind??

kato / May 20th, 2009, 10:08 am / #

I’m on day one of the break… i’m hating it. Whats making it worse is that in an hour i have to do an exam sitting pretty much next to him.
I never wanted this break, but he says it will strengthen our relationship and its most likely he will want me back. But what if he doesn’t? We’ve been together 20 months tomorrow (over a year and a half) since we were 14, i know its young but love comes at different stages in life i believe, i just happened to find the one i love with all my heart at 14.
Lately he’s been texting one of my friends and has been telling her everything. He tells me everything too but its making me so jelous. I talked to him about it over a week ago and promised me they are only good friends, she is a very good friend to me too and i recently found out that when she heard of our arguments began to hate herself, believing that ever since she has been texting him she has made us worse. But she’s been supporting us both through our stress. However, whats making me feel worse is that i heard her saying that he’s taking her to see a film on saturday with a group of friends. I’m just a very paranoid person.
He’s made my life so much better, he was there for me when i was used by another boy. He made my life instantly better, he’s been there for me through everything.
He gets very stressed easily and i was hoping that it was the exams doing this to him as somthing similar has recently happened to my dad, and now my parents are stromger than ever. But he told me that for the past 5 months i have changed in a negative way, and i know i have. I feel less caring, more lazy and when i get stressed i have accidently hit him on the arm. I truely hate myself for that. I miss how i used to be, but now that i know the consequenses I’m 100% determinded to stop being like this.
I know he loves me more than anything and i feel exactly the same. I’m just scared that we won’t get back together. My friends have been amazing and have told me to give him a bit of space and then we will get back stronger.
I don’t even know how long this break is for, we were planning on doing cinema, bowling and other things together next week but i’m scared that if i tell him a want him back it will make him want a longer break.
I know i’m only young but i really can’t see myself without him.
I just want to know what i can do to make the break work. I know we both want to get back together after, more than anything.
I really don’t know how long i can go on like this for, i love him more than i have ever loved anything and i just want him back.
The only thing he wants me to do is to be more independant, see my friends more. For the past 20 months i’ve put my friends on hold and i’ve constantly kept by his side.
I really want him back, what can i do?

B / May 20th, 2009, 6:12 pm / #

i have been on a break for a few weeks now, the terms were no communication, which i agreed to because he wanted it. but i have found it so hard to handle, it tears me apart. ive freaked out a few times and tried to call or send texts and get absolutely no response. at this stage i have no idea whats going to happen coz it feels like we are really broken up. i would be happy with a simple text message so i can stop feeling like a crazy person over this total silence. it hurts so much and the not knowing is the worst. i feel like im in limbo and its hard to surrender and accept that he will call when he is ready.. if he ever does call back.

c / May 20th, 2009, 11:25 pm / #

omg… i guess we all have our significant others who want to remain in this “gray area”.. meaning taking a “break”.. ive been with my fiancee for 8 years.. we just got engaged 5 months ago… anyway, we had a jealousy problem (because of a tiny affair that occured at the very beginning of our relationship).. this made it hard for me to love her.. she got fedup of the fights and our first fight while we’re engaged, she ran off and moved out on me.. its been 3 weeks… she was already about to just give me back the ring and call it over but she knew she couldn’t just throw away 8 years.. i believe our cohabitating had a big deal to do with it.. we got so use to each other being there and we forget the little things that matter. my life was also on a downward slope… when we first got together, she was the vulnerable one, she just moved out of town to start college when i met her so i helped her with alot of stuff.. now that her life has been stable, mine has been crappy for the lsat year.. ive been unemployed and feeling more insecure.. the more i feel insecure, the more jealous i get.. i get those crazy thoughts like “i lost my job so i feel like she’s going to leave me for some rich dude..”..

so anyway, we fight and she says the same thing.. she hopes we can both reflect and she realizes she’s been unhappyw tih the relationship.. i can’t believe she said yes to marry me when she’s probably been emotionally detached way longer than that…

we both initiated no contact but she ruins it when she gets in touch with me to take care of some important stuff.. we keep the conversation light and friendly.. im hoping she doesn’t drift apart.. she still wears the ring on her finger and im hoping that reminds her daily of my love for her so she won’t think the grass is greener on the other side.. we are each others first love too and we have a big mutual set of friends and family that are practically united by us already… so that is in our favor..

i have alot of work to do with myself to get myself back to the man she loved but im hoping that she doesn’t fall in love with her new found independence… thats the scary part.. all she knew is me since she turned 18 and alot of women when they reach their late 20s start having a mid life crisis.. they lose their identity.. she has a bunch of girlfriends who are single or have had their own guy commitment issues (divorce, cheating, etc..).. so im afraid they might take her away and brainwash her to think that its okay to be a single lady and mess around…

but yea, i left it on her terms (i take blame for pushing her away) but it hurts so much that she could end up breaking it off if her feelings don’t come back…

Marvin / May 21st, 2009, 5:20 am / #

So I have 7 days of highschool left… Today is a day off. Nick told me he wanted a break last night when I called.

It’s rather annoying because we’ve been together for 4 years. He lives in OK. and I live in WI so it’s long distance (We met on D2)… The south gets out before we do since they start before us too.

The whole week before his graduation he was “busy” doing this and that with graduation and playing WoW. Which I didn’t reactive my account…

I called his cell phone so many times… I called his house phone so many times.. I try to talk to him on yahoo but he’s busy playing WoW he’d have to minimize to talk which rarely happens.

I finally get a hold of him and he wants a break… I ask why and he tells me that it doesn’t matter. (which is stupid because we had a “break” 56 days ago) The hardest part is not knowing why… or for how long…

He told me he would call me when he’s ready, but how long is that? Am I suppose to think we are together but just not talk to him or am I suppose to go about my life as though I were single…

*sighs* It’s day 1 and I have nothing to do, much like last week. I tried to play online game websites but after a while it gets boring. It’s been forever since I actually played D2 and my WoW account has no money. I have been trying to keep myself busy with homework that needs to get done and making a blanket for my teachers daughter who happens to be 2. Luckily I’m going camping this Friday-Sunday. I won’t be tempted to call or do something wrong if I’m gone.

It’s stressful though, not knowing. Plus my mom is going through her second time of cancer. Which really sucks because when she’s sitting there crying because of the pain, it’s hard to just do nothing, but there is nothing to do. The treatment is worse than actually having cancer she says. Then there’s the whole college thing. I don’t know where I’m going or when. My mom tells me that Nick is just still in the thrill of not having any more school and enjoying the time he has. But if that’s the case, why didn’t he just tell me why… or if it was my fault… or How long…

I’m just very confused and hurt…

—Rebecca B.

Rebecca / May 26th, 2009, 4:15 am / #

My girlfriend and I have been together for two years, very happily I might add. In fact, we just celebrated our two-year anninversary on May 1st. Just two weeks ago, we were our normal, happy selves. We have had absolutely no conflicts, fights, or anything, that hasn’t been resolved by the end of the day, just normal, little things that every couple has. We are like a model couple, we talk about our future, having kids, and all that. Our families get along great and its like one big family already, we are not even married yet. But about a week ago she texted me saying she was dealing with some changes, and needs time to figure things out, then broke contact for 4 days, leaving me wondering what the hell was goin on, since there was no prior event that provoked this. We then reunited after the silence, hung out all day like a normal day, so I thought everything was back to normal, but that night she said she is still thinking about stuff, and she still wants a break. I know she has recently been online alot so I hope its nothing to do with that, I just don’t know where this is coming from, she even said its nothing I did at all, and she still is in love with me. I wish I could help her but it seems like she just needs space and time, and there is nothing I can do right now but wait.
Its almost 2 weeks now since this all started, I am devastated, and depressed and don’t know what I am supposed to do, I love this girl and planned on marrying her, and I know she loves me, just on how sweet our relationship has always been, we have been through so much together, I hope that we can get back on track and make this work. Reading all these stories helps me feel a little better, but it makes me wonder- if I have treated her like royalty and always been there for her, and never made her feel unloved, why would she do this? I just hope time apart makes her miss me and see what I have to offer in her life. I am trying to be hopeful but it is hard, but deep down I know it will work out. Its just killing me, anyway thanks for listening and I will try to hang in there.

Matt / June 2nd, 2009, 11:06 am / #

Mt partner and I have been together for 3 years and we truely love each other. The problem is she wants a “break” to figure out if we are meant for each other. This is our first serious relationship and her inexperience, I feel, is a factor in this break. Also she feels we moved in together to fast and doesn’t want to have to answer to anyone. She says she loves me and just wants time to be her own person, but with out restrictions of being with me… This is confusing because I never saw it coming and it is not what I want for us. I love her and want to spend time with her… I feel I am pushed into an all or nothing situation

Maegan / June 2nd, 2009, 2:55 pm / #

After a disagreement and some issues in our relationship, my partner and I decided we needed a break. Actually she asked me to leave her house, but put as we both need a break. It’s actually a house we have been sharing for about 8 months. She has had alot of stress in her life lately…her father passed away in November and left her with a slew of debt and things to take care of, plus some issues with us…We have trust issues as well. She said we just keep going around in circles..in which she is right…She contacted me for two days after the break and then nothing for about a week now..I have contacted her…emails, texts, flowers, and cards..and still no contact. I finally emailed her and said that I want to fight for us, etc but I guess what you need right now is time. I am not sure if she is even reading my texts and emails. I wrote her that it’s killing me not to talk to her. And asked her on numerous occasions how she is, etc.. So I am definitely making an effort with her. I just don’t know what she wants to do. I think she asked me to leave because it was what she feeling at the time and maybe not a long term thought because she tends to be wishy washy with her feelings and decisions. She knows how I feel about her and we said “I love you” several times before I left. I just worry about her because she has mentioned before that she sabotages things when she is stressed and overwhelmed…I just worry because I don’t know if she is okay. Leaving her was very teary on both our parts…and we hugged many times. She has thought of me as a little sister and we aren’t even sure we are gay but I love her and still want her in my life in whatever form that is, and she knows this. I guess I should follow the pursuer/distancer pattern…I pursue her and she distances herself…and then I distance myself and she pursues me. I just miss her like crazy. She is sad and confused but says we each need to get back on our feet…I feel alone..like a huge dark hole is inside of me..She also has issues with probably not being gay…which is okay with me because I don’t feel I am either..I just love her in whatever form our relationship takes. I don’t know what I should be doing. I guess just let her come to me. We have had problems…and discussed previously that maybe these issues are insurmountable…but I really don’t think they are. Everyone has told me she is probably not off having fun and is probably hiding her feelings and stuffing her pain. I just feel forgotten and alone. I have friends around to help me but everyone is telling me something different…so it’s very hard. And sometimes I just want to be alone. Everyone is telling me she should be flattered that I am doing all this for her. But I don’t feel that she is because I get no response. I guess time and space is what she needs. I guess I know deep down things will work out…at least that’s my hope.

Sarah / June 9th, 2009, 2:13 am / #

i have only been on a break for 2 days…i haven’t eaten, or stopped being on the edge of tears….i love this guy, weve been together for 3 years, and i can’t think of life without him…i hope he gets over his “mini mid life crisis”(as i like to call it) and makes the right choice…me!…P.S what the hell does” i need to see what i am missing” mean…does a break really acheive this? … i want nothing but his love! xoxo to you babe!

page / June 10th, 2009, 10:56 am / #

me and my boyfriend have just started our break.
its 4. and he said he thinks we need a break and we need to chill at 1:30.
it broke my heart.
he only wants this cause he is black and im white and we are only 15 and 16.
and our parents dont approve of us of dating. so we arent able to see eachother outside of school.
and so he thinks we should get a break.
i believe that the break will help out alot.
we fight and disagree about alot.
but we do really love eachother.
i just hope he dont make this break permanent :/
iloveyoubaby.

Jessica / June 12th, 2009, 4:05 am / #

I’m so confused right now. I am considering taking a break, but I know if I mention it, my boyfriend is going to just think our relationship is over… he thinks that breaks inevitably lead to break ups. I just want to take a short 3 day break.. we have been together for 4 1/2 years. I just don’t know anymore. There is just this great distance between us, and I don’t know if I am overthinking or not, which is why I am considering a break. Then again, is the answer more distance? I’m so lost, I am completely, absolutely in love with him and I always will, but there are just some things missing. i don’t know if I should just talk to him as I am on here or just let him know I need to think, figure things out, and then come back to him.. sigh.
We shall see tomorrow.

T / June 15th, 2009, 3:34 pm / #

My boyfriends and I have been dating about 6 months and for the first few months things were amazing but the last couple weeks things have just seemed off. There has seemed to b e loss of connection. Neither one of us seems as excited to see each other as before. We sort of got into a rout of always doing the same thing, just seeing each other when it was convenient, etc. We both felt something was missing. Well we talked about and he said he just didn’t know what was going on. We ended up taking a break so we (more him than me) could decide if we wanted to stay together or see other people. After we started the break I sent him a letter stating I knew we had our differences and issues we needed to work on but that relationships have rough spots and we should try and grow from this and not let it break us up. I talked to him about it and he said he loved me and we weren’t breaking up but he still wanted the break (not seeing each other and not talking) and to enjoy the time off. He said we weren’t breaking up or seeing other people (He even said “no cheating aloud” as if he was concerned) on the break so I don’t know what the point is. If he has already decided not to break up why are we still on the break? Wouldn’t it make sense if he had decided not to break up to start talking and seeing each other and work things out? Why say he loved me and not to worry we aren’t breaking up but still have a break? I’m still worried; could it mean he’s not really sure? Does he just need space to have a fresh start? I wish I knew why the break if he has already made his decision…

Scott / June 24th, 2009, 9:27 pm / #

Me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot this week- now he made this plan. The plan is, we take a break. See other people- then at the end if we were really ment to be, we were ment to be. He said he’ll date crappy girls, and I’ll date crappy guys, then we’ll realize how special we were to eachother. I have no idea what this means. I am really sad, and confused. We’ve been dating for a couple months, but he was my first- meaning I lost my virginity to him. Right before he left we hugged for 20 minutes straight. He told me he really does love me, and he hates fighting with me. I could tell it was sincere, and I knew he was being honest about it. Now I have no clue what to do. If he wants to see other people, doesn’t that mean were over? He said it was juts a chance to see how much we love eachother, but I don’t know? He said “I really don’t want to do this, but if it will resolve our relationship, then its best we do it. Even if it hurts”. I aggred, but when I got home, I realized I didn’t want anyone else but him. I don’t want to see other people. He said at the end of my summer, or in a couple weeks, or in a couple days, we could get back together. He said even if he met the hottest, amazing girl ever, no one could ever take my place, and he drop what he was doing with her for me? Its really confusing. I think he wants to be with me, but then I don’t? I need help. How do I deal with this break? How do I talk to him about it? Should I tell him I don’t want to see other people during the break? I don’t want him to see other people, and if he does I couldn’t stand it, and I’d probably never go back to him. HELP! Pleaseeeeeeeee.

Lyndsey / July 2nd, 2009, 3:30 am / #

Ok so me and my boyfreind have been going out for 6months i know thats a short time but i fell in love with him right away. so did he but all of a sudden yesturday he told me through text that he wanted to take a “break” He said, “im just saying it would be better for me and you to be friends till i can get a car and money and i can get on my feet” the he said, “im not saying break up im just saying knowing were friends would make me feel butter cause my friends are always gonna be around and untill i can start my job and i just need to focus on working my ass off not to mention im going into the coast guard” why all of a sudden is he making these things seem so hard. i dont know what im going to do im so inlove with him it just seems unreal. it like my life is turning upside down and i am still right side up. everything is flip flopped. please help me if you can

Rochelle Willams / July 6th, 2009, 11:42 am / #

i met my boyfriend 3 yrs ago. I didnot know much about him about what I knew of him I love. Just a couple of week ago I found out he is married but he keeps saying it not true. I want to believe his but there is a part of me which does not. he now want us to take a break because I don’t believe. I have to have a future with dis man. how do i go on.

c / July 8th, 2009, 12:20 pm / #

my partner and I have been together for 10 years, our relationship has been quite stable for a long time & have recently been very happy together. My problem is that I was quite young when we got together (he is older), and now feel a yearning to experience life independently. It really has nothing to do with him, and I don’t want to hurt him but I need to learn how to function alone. I feel very confused and unsure…but the longer I leave it the harder it gets.

candice / July 8th, 2009, 1:00 pm / #

My goodness, I never really thought so many people were facing this ordeal too… all I can say, to those who posted before me, please have faith. No matter how dire the situation… there is always hope in this world, and its worth fighting for. I know this is a confusing time… and dare I say, incredibly painful… but please don’t give up. Let fate play out her hand… and may it be in your favor. I am going through a “break” as well with my boyfriend. It just started recently, much to my dismay, and it came rather unexpectedly. Ironically, we’ve never fought. We don’t argue. Well, unless it was about trivial things. And that was mostly done out of teasing. We genuinely care about one another, and I do believe him to be sincere when he says he loves me. He is a sweet guy… and we compliment one another. However, I think the problem we are facing comes from the fact this is one of the first “serious” relationships he’s had. He is 24 years old… and I would have hoped the “oh my! I’m being tied down to one girl” bit would have been flushed from his system by now… but I fear its not. He told me he sees me as the girl he could spend a long time with. He see’s future plans for us. But at the same time it sounds like he’s afraid. Of commitment? Or the future… I am not sure. He told me that he needs time to figure things out… hence our break. Out of my insecurity, I automatically assumed I was to blame for something… and would up sprouting a huge dissertation on my shortcomings as a girlfriend. Instead of being cool and distant as other guys have done, he was comforting and told me I did nothing wrong. He actually praised me… which I found most confusing. He didn’t have to hold me or kiss me, but he did. My emotions got shot to hell. He went on to say that he did love me… but it just seemed like I was the “right girl at the wrong time”. He didn’t know what he wanted… he said he did not wish to loose me, and we weren’t “breaking up” so to say, but he just needed time away from me. As of now… I am hurting. I feel… rejected to a degree. This is our first “bump” and it lead to this. I fear for the future if things were to continue. I want to hope he will come back… that he will see me for what I am not throw everything away, but at the same time I’m afraid. I honestly love him… he’s what I’ve been looking for. I just fear he is going to find another girl and forget about me… making everything he told me a lie. I am not sure how things will play out… but I want to try to be positive. Maybe we both need to do a little growing… I honestly know not. I just wish for the best… not just for us, but to everyone else out there with the same dilemma.

Aimee / July 13th, 2009, 7:19 am / #

hey guys…i too am going through a break or breakup. not sure what it will be until next year same time. we are going to give it another shot then. all i can say is that it is all about timing. Things can be wonderful or things can be going sour and one person or the other wants a break. if that person sees you as the one to settle down with, they will come back, whatever time it takes. life is hectic and many things can get in the way of a relationship. if you have faith in the relationship, it will happen. take the break time and do things you never were able to do when in the relationship.

just keep your head up after the break or breakup. something it took me a long time to realize……

Dee / July 15th, 2009, 8:47 am / #

me and my bf had been going out for 4 years and evrything was gr8. to evry 1 and to myself we were the perfect couple, we never argued, always had fun and evryfin seemed gr8. Then all of a sudden he text me saying he doesnt “feel” the same way about us ne more and he doesnt think he loves me any more. as u can imagine this made me jaorly confused, angry and hurt that he could throw away 4 years all on a so called “feeling”. After much soul searcxhing, tears and meeting he decided it was a break he wanted and so we did that., Its been about 6 weeks now and has been gr8 we meet up once a week as oppose to living in each others pockets. I am still majoprly confused and many attemptes at speaking to him seem to confuse both of us even more! But reading this article and some ppls comments has made me feel much more positive about the situation. We are just taking it one day at a time and seeing how things go, the only issue i have is the hole what costitutes as cheating when on a break?? after 4 years its been drilled into me not to look at another man! but the idea that i can now do this frightens me purely becauise it means he can kiss and date oither girls supposedly and the thought of this makes me feel sikc. If i found out he had even kissed another girl it would break my heart all over again so im hoping we can work things out b4 it comes to that for my sake!

katherine / July 18th, 2009, 4:10 am / #

i’ve read alot of the posts here, and my case is. my wife and i have been together for almost 8 years, we have a 6 yr old daughter, we have had our share of arguements, big and small and have both contributed to them all. unfortunately, the last argement was stupid but ended with me physically abusing her (not punching or hittin but tossing her onto the bed and submissioning her) she looked scared and was crying, i felt awful. and still do. that day, we both called 911 and she moved out that minute.. its been 3 weeks and i have no real idea where she is staying, she goes to work regularly and sees our daughter for a few hours on saturdays. she has told our daughter that mommy and daddy are taking a break but she has not said that to me. we’ve had conversations that have turned into arguement because im so lost and feeling like a have no answers at all. if she were to communicate or talk seriously, id like that better than just her talking of plans to get a place, etc. i made a mistake and think our family deserves a second chance or at least a conversation to be on the same page as adults. im lsing my mind because my daughter has crying fits because she missed her mommy..but mommy is gone.

Derek / July 21st, 2009, 5:55 am / #

My girlfriend wants to take a break to find herself too. The thing I don’t understand is that it’s going to start on the 1st, yet these past few days have been the strongest in our relationship. She wants a month off so that we can settle in to college and so that our parents can get off our butts, not to mention the fact that commitment scares her. I’m lost and I don’t know what to do. I love this woman with all my heart, and the last thing I want to do is even think about losing her! Is there a way that we both can win? I know that she still loves me dearly, and I think there’s another way.

Jon / July 21st, 2009, 3:20 pm / #

wow, this site is amazing…
derek u abused your wife and she doesn’t trust you anymore, you have to really prove to her now that she can trust you, and tell her what u telling us, women like to hear that you will protect her, she cannot assume that if you not saying it.

guys keep up the faith, it will work out, it might not be the way you want but you will be fine.
all the best to you all

princess / July 27th, 2009, 10:08 pm / #

My bf of 4 years told me to take a break about three days ago…i dont understand why he would ask me that bcoz he was the one who messed up..we constanly aruged becoz his girl friends from school kept texting him, and it really bothered me alot..i even cried and told him that i dont appreciate them texting you and he seemed to not do anything about it…so we got into this really deep arugement about the girls texting him….n now he wants a break..i dont understand why he would want to take a break instead of trying to change and work things out for me….He thinks that since we been together for long and wanna get married in the future that its ok for him to take advantage of me and do wat he wants bcoz imma always be with him..Idk guys r so confusing.

Anonymous / July 30th, 2009, 12:03 am / #

I and my bf will start to take a break next week. However, there are a lot of things still left in my mind just like you guys here. I am very worry whether he will come back to me after the break or he will dating other ladies. And whether he really want to take this relationship for our own good or just an excuse to break up with me. I am sick of thinking this way. I think I have to talk with him to make sure we are not wasting our time. I hope all of you who have the same situation like me will end up happily. I really love my bf so I will try my best to make this break work. Pray for me…

Gege / July 30th, 2009, 2:57 pm / #

I have been dating this girl for 3 months. the last month has been wonderful
and we had so much fun together. because her apartment is nearby to my work,
i visit her once in the weeknight and then in the weekend, she visits me and
we go out. this week, i told her i can visit her twice for the weeknights. she
didn’t object but on Tuesday she asked if we can change to next day but then
she changed mind and insist on same day visit. then yesterday i was told she
needs to go shopping with another guy to prepare his party.

I was unhappy and planned Friday night and Saturday, activites with
friends. and asked for a break and she agreed.(we will go to party together on Sunday
but will pretend not dating each other. also we have travel plan next weekend).

I might make a mistake by intruding her life too much. but if this doesn’t work,
I will have to move on… quite confused now.

Jason / July 31st, 2009, 3:45 am / #

Candice….same situation as you.

My boyfriend is 24 yrs old, going on 25. I am 4 years older. He wanted to marry me, and wanted to get engaged, bought me a ring/diamond. I was his first serious girlfriend. His parents became very meddlesome and were against us getting engaged.

It’s also like I am the right girl, at the wrong time, also the fact that I am older. He’s still finishing up college, which is not a big deal to me, while I have a stable career and live independently. He brokeup with me the day he was going to put the diamond in the ring……it was so abrupt. He came back to me after two weeks, and it was like the relationship was just as good as when we first started dating.

Then recently, one month later, out of the blue he brokeup with me again, but he was so confused. He then said he didn’t want to breakup, but have some time to make sure I really was the one. Like he wants to take a break and some space(he reinforced not breaking up) to date some other girls for a couple months to compare our relationship. He thinks he might come back.

Anyways, I should treat this as the end of the relationship, but for some reason I have a little bit of hope inside……..I should stop that. He is so compatible with me and ideal, the best boyfriend I have ever had out of 7…..and I can’t imagine my life without him and I wanted to spend my life with him(he felt the same before).

I know I shouldn’t believe him, but it’s so hard to forget about him.

Kristen / August 3rd, 2009, 5:43 am / #

so me and my girlfriend have been dating since she started high school. i am a yea older. we have been dating now for 5 years on and off but are currently on our 2nd year this month. i noticed things earlier this week were kinda off and we dident talk about it much but yesterday we spent most of the day together and at the end of the night she said she wanted a break. I just recently got a job working in a factory as a summer job before i go back to school and i had been working 12 hour shifts the week before. also my parents just split up so this has been a rough summer for me and i havent really been giving her all the attention that she deserves. and this week i got put back on 8 hour shifts which opened more time to see her. I am madly in love with her and she is madly in love with me but she said she needs time to think about everything(college, and us) i know i sound like a baby but this is the first day and all day i have thought about this and how much i hate it. i just really want this to work out

adam / August 4th, 2009, 10:11 am / #

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. We practically live together and I definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with him. He is the most wonderful, caring, and generous man I have ever met The obstacle we have come to face is that our schedules are completely opposite and during the little time that we do have to spend with each other, we tend to fight. The relationship has slowly turned into a chore. We mutually agreed that we are unhappy. He thought the best thing to do was to take this so called “break” to enable him to have sometime to think and regain energy. The pressures of his job really take a lot out of him. What scares me the most about this idea of a break, is that during this time apart, he will get used to the idea of not being with me and it will lead him to move on. I do not understand how time apart can bring two people closer together. The night it happened was the worst. The morning after was no better. I really hope that all of you that have written before me have reconciled your relationships and things worked out. As for me, I continue to sit here and hope that he will call, and that my relationship will work out and we grow stronger. He truly is the best thing that ever happened to me and I regret that I didn’t express that to him as much as I should have. Only time will tell…

Annon. / August 5th, 2009, 10:50 pm / #

my partner wants a break because he needs to get his life back on track and doesnt want any help doing so, he is now hardly talking to me and lieing about other girls to me.
atm its been a week since we have been on this break, and its hurting me more then its hurting him he seems to be having the time of his life
whilst i sit in miserry.
from where im coming from breaks are deffinately not the best thing.
its breaking my heart, all i want to do is sit any cry.

having a hard time. / August 8th, 2009, 9:17 am / #

My boyfriend of one year told me last night that he needed a break from me to figure out if i was truly the one for him. He told me over the phone after I got angry at him for being out for so long and I had to wait up till 4am for him. He is on his way over right now to give me back my phone i lent him, and to discuss it. I dont know how I am suppose to leave him without kissing him goodbye, i dont know how i am suppose to ride beside him in the car without holding his hand. I dot know how I am suppose to not say I love you, or give him hand or back massages, or do anything that we normally do. It is driving me crazy to know that over the next few weeks, I wont be able to come home and hear his voice, or to make sure he gets home from his commute alive (he falls asleep at the wheel a lot).
most of all, I know that we are meant for each other, I have been through enough crappy relationships to know when it is going well, or bad, or whether or not there is a future. I deff. see a future with tyler, I have never been more cumfy around anyone else in my life. And he is deff. the best i have ever had, nore have i ever loved anyone so deep.
Thank you all for sharing success stories of relationship breaks. Because I am scared shitless that he is going to fall for someone else, or someone better while I am not there….
What if i forgets about me entirely? Our one year annversury is on the 30th this month, 20 days away, and if we miss that together, I have no idea how i can get by….
He was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and this could make things better than ever, or the worst.
anyways, i am devistated, and i have to go reapply all my makeup before he gets here cause i was balling my eyes out reading everyone elses. please pray for us!

alicia / August 10th, 2009, 2:55 am / #

Hay everyone.
So, both the guy I am seeing and I are going on 21 and we both go to the same college. Anyways, today the me and the guy I have been dating for about three months decided to take a brief break to figure out whether or not we will continue with our relationship. We are two very different people. I am definitely more emotionally in tune with myself and talkative, whereas he is more reserved and laid back. At first, I thought he wasn’t interested much in me because of his very laid-back nature, but once we had talks about opening up our communication, things got much better. Now, however, he says that we cannot be together because we don’t understand each other, that we are too different. He said that he doesn’t understand me and doesn’t want to keep going into the relationship with this misunderstanding. I told him that communication and understanding go hand-in-hand and that we have to tackle one at a time. (I mean, it’s only been three months!) I told him that we made progress but improving our communication and now that we are communicating, we are at the next step: understanding each other and our feelings, and how we look at things. I told him not to give up on us because we are the next part of our relationship. Am I doing the right things? I felt like I was so pathetic at how hard I pushed for him to give us another try. He has been out of town since the end of last month, so we haven’t had any together time, which I think is part of what is going on, but also just realizing that we may be getting serious and maybe he freaked out a little? He is coming back next week and we said that we would take a break and come back and see how we feel about everything. We said that we would not talk as much as we usually do, but just keep in contact until then. Honestly, he seemed so set on leaving, that I don’t know how confident I am in it working out at the end of the day. Any suggestions or comments would be great. Thanks.

Tinky / August 12th, 2009, 9:03 am / #

I’m currently going on a break myself only thing is, my girlfriend has pretty much cut off all communication with me. I don’t understand. She says she still loves me, just needs time, and appreciates my understanding for this break, but then she just doesn’t seem to want to talk at all after I attempt communication to trying to understand this break. We have been together for 3 years, almost 4 and are committed. She told me she needed this break to find herself and to focus on her goals, but has completely left me out. She won’t talk to me at all. I want to respect her wishes, but it is hurting me to not know what’s going on. How should I go about this? Just looking for advice. Thanks.

btw, I like the advice on this page and would like to send it to her just so she can understand a better way at handling this break instead of completely killing communication. I feel as if I tried everything…should i just stop and let her be on her time and space zone?

Joe / August 19th, 2009, 3:10 pm / #

me and my boyfriend have only been together about three, four months, we used to see eachother all the time, but lately he said he jus wants to cool things off a bit. i was like fair enough we wont see eachother as much. what makes things harder is we both work together, soo if we’re on a break.. things are really hard, cos we have to be proffessional about it at work.
i really dont know what to do, this break is definetely showin me that he is the one i love and wanna be with, but i dont know how he’s feeling right now.
i dont wanna ask him incase it jus makes things worse, hes asked for a break nd thats what i wanna give him.. but its so hard goin without talkin to him.. hes not only my boyfriend but a best friend to me aswell..

Sarah / August 20th, 2009, 6:39 am / #

Hi all,

I am going through it too…i will not go into details.
It is so so hard for me not knowing if it will make or break our relationship…..however i know whatever happens, if it does not kill me it will only make me stronger.

Tracy / August 25th, 2009, 7:24 am / #

a break is a risk.

if all of you really want your partners to want you back then there is another risk you can take–act as if you’re fine with the break. don’t be whiny, sad, or angry. you guys have to understand that although you’re in a relationship you ARE NOT a unit. you’re two individuals so get in touch with your individuality. do the things you couldn’t do when you were busy with your partner. possibly travel or just have some fun with friends. a break is meant to enjoy personal time and enjoy yourselves. by letting yourself suffer then you’re defeating the purpose of a break. if your partners see that you’re doing fine without them then they’ll question themselves if having a break was really the right thing. the reason people take breaks is because they lost a lot of the potential desire they once had to be with their partners, but what happens when they see that you don’t want to be with them as much? it’ll hurt them the same way it hurted you and they’ll know. then again some people use breaks as a disguise to break up and if your partner no longer wants to be with you then you have to accept that. it’s hard but you have to accept it. it could be you, it could be them, but no matter the reason they don’t want to be with you so why be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? why be with someone where YOU HAVE TO CONVINCE THEM to love you? be strong. be smart. be an individual. that’s what the attraction comes from and don’t lose it.

and in this song called Hard To Say I’m Sorry by Az Yet, they tell you that “Even lovers need a holiday.”

jacob / August 31st, 2009, 6:18 am / #

My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years told me that he needed a break and to “experience some things” before he could make a decision about our relationship. He said that he loves me, but he’s not sure that he’s ready to get married. We were living together, so I find myself in the awkward position of moving out. He is the man that I want to marry and I want to get back together, but am afraid to overstep his boundaries. He clearly needed time away from me, and I am hesitant to contact him. Also, I miss him so much that even his pictures make me cry. Not sure how to handle the situation…for now, I am trying not to see or talk to him because it hurts me too much. After reading the article above, however, I’m starting to think that I shouldn’t be avoiding him. Not really sure what to do…I only know that the man that I want to marry is not sure that he wants to marry me :(

Anonymous / September 9th, 2009, 10:34 pm / #

Im glad I found this site, my situation is a little different, I found out he was talking to another girl. We had been together 3 years with plans to move in together in May after i graduate from nursing school. Of course he assured me that she was just a friend and he was just helping her with some problems she was having, and she told me the same thing. A week later, after an argument about this, he said he couldnt take it anymore, my jealousy. He said that he loves me, he dosent want to lose me from his life but hes not sure what he wants. So we are on a break, he is spending time with the other girl now and tells me he dosent know how he feels about her other than she kinda disgust him when she eats. (whatever that means) I told him to not attempt to contact me again unless some dire emergency comes up and he needs my help. I told him that I will contact him in the middle of Oct. if he is still developing a realtionship with this girl then I would take that as we are completely over. Im not sure if I did the right thing but I felt like he was sending me mixed signals. I told him I needed him to be honest and clear with me, that was all. If he wanted me to fight for the relationship I would, but if he wanted to move on then just say so, so I can move on. But he said “I dont know what the future holds, so I cant say that you and I will not work out” . Of course that just sounds like someone that dosent want to let loose of the bird in his hand until he is sure about the one in the bush. I hope someone responds to this, and tells me to move on. Good Luck to you all. Thank you for sharing your pain.

confused / September 10th, 2009, 12:22 pm / #

Hi

* Please note Jacobs comment August 31st has switched a light on for me!

LIKE YOU ALL I’M SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS JUST ONE THING TO TRY TO MAKE IT WORK?!

I Have been on a break for 5 weeks now.. I can tell you the reason now why it broke down… I fould the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with! At the beginning it was dates here and there til she stayed with me at my flat odd times then 2 years later we bought a house together got a dog and things started to drift. You end up in the same routine and it so predictable. The desire goes and the attraction as you are in each others pockets. I lost my own independance and wanted to spend all my time with her.

What I was doing was putting more and more into the relationship. The more I put in the more she stepped away and when she did this I was smothering her. Thats because i ended up putting in 80% she 20% I used to think why does she always seem happy to do stuff with other people it was because I smothered her. I got jealous when other people and interests came along but I feel lonely and never felt she showed me she wanted to be with me.

We argued that much and I was fighting for her that much i smothered it.
She left 5 weeks ago and the first week was awful. No sleep couldnt eat the empty pain in your stomach!! She was not coming back for 2 months but we decide to meet after a month. I ended up textin her aftera week but this didnt help as she said I was pushing her. I left it a month and gave her space it worked she text to see when we could meet up! we chatted and have decided to give it another go but she doesnt seem 100%. She said she has missed me and loves me but is not in love with me anymore and doesnt know if she can get that back. This was only few days ago. This has totally thrown me. She wants still to comeback in another month and maybe meet once a week see how things go but i’m not sure if she is willing to try as much as me. We need to be in it together to make it work. I have had counselling every week and i do have my independance back. I know we need trust love and respect and i do trust her but i didnt show her i showed her the opposite because i was fighting for her. Deep down in my heart i do trust her she is a decent girl and i know that i just wish she could look into my heart and see that i truly do! we also need a healthy balance she needs put in 50% me the other 50%. I know things on my part have changed. I know the important things in life now. All those silly arguments were for nothing i nevr want to argue again. Look back at all the times you did what did it ever resolve. You need to respect each other as an individual and the effect it has on them and others around you. I just hope she will see how much better things will be and believe in me now and see that things really have changed not just for her but for me as a person for my own life whiter its with her or not! But I know in my heart she is the girl I want to settle down with. If it’s worth having its worth fighting for.

C.a x

C.A / September 23rd, 2009, 6:33 pm / #

Thanks for creating this thread.

I’m 33 and Female

I’ve been with my BF for 3 years and we live together. We haven’t been intimate for quite some time now. We get along well, don’t fight often unless I’m in a bad mood and neither of us have cheated. A bit of cyber-cheating on his part, but the internet is the new ‘skin mag’ these days. Not up there on my values but that’s for me to get over, I guess. People try telling me most guys do it so I should deal with it and laugh it off, even when he lie’s about doing it.

Anyways to the point…I’m thinking of asking for a break from our relationship. I still want to live together, hopefully rekindle our intimacy/sex life and sleep in the same bed but without the whole ‘couple’ thing. I’m at a place where I really need to get some personal issues and life/career issues into action and although I love him, I just need to love myself more right now, to become a better person and a better partner for the future. Without this space I feel we will fall apart. I want us to feel that fun and excitement of being together again, not the monotany of going through the motions.

I want to be with him, but I need to get my personal life in order, and worrying about how he feels when I choose study or work or rest over spending tie with him, leaves me feeling guilty, so I make forced efforts, which end up being uncomforatble, we argue, and I resent him. What frusterating cycle!. I’ve had anxiety and depression as long as I remember and finally beginning to make some progress….with some space and understanding, I feel balanced can be restored.

I have no interest in seeking out any other relationships other with friends or for career networking.

Any guys out there that can understand, or give feedback on how they would feel if their GF said this to them?

I’m very loyal, I love him and he loves me too…life is just getting too overwhelming but if I drop the wrong ball, study, work and personal growth, I wont be good to anyone, even him

Any advice would be a godsend right now.

Thanks for your time reading

Much love and luck to you all

xoxoxox

Tough Decisions! What would you do? / September 23rd, 2009, 7:59 pm / #

i have been with my boyfriend for 20 months now and we are just constantly arguing,im worried that if we take a break he might want to stay single even though he says he loves me so much. He said he doesn’t want a break the same as me but we both think its for the best but im worried it will ruin the relationship and i could not go without talking to him or texting him so what should we do?? xxx

anna smith / September 24th, 2009, 4:23 am / #

a break = they want to sleep with other people. its time to move on. sorry.

ohlawdy / September 25th, 2009, 1:57 pm / #

Wow! I’m so glad I found this thread. I’m going through the same thing right now and its nice to know I’m not completely alone in this type of situation.

It has been two weeks since my BF of almost a year told me he needed “time to figure it out”. The thing is he has 2 kids and he has to think about them as part of the equation and I get that, I love him for it even more. But I made it very clear that I was all in when we first got together and we had started planning a future, him, me the kids. Now, I’m not saying we didn’t have our problems, every relationship has its issues and while we did discuss them at length, we never really came to any solution in the complete sense.

Him asking for a break took me completely by surprise. I didn’t see it coming. I mean aren’t there usually warning signs?? He said its not that he doesn’t want a relationship and a future, but he doesn’t know if he can? (WTF does that mean anyway?) But he asked me to understand and be patient and not give up and after the what was said that night, I don’t believe he would have asked that of me if he didn’t mean it. If he wanted a clean break he had ample opportunity.

Anyway, I have taken these two weeks and used them to do some thinking of my own. I still want to be with him. I love him. I now have a little more clarity in my mind what some of our issues are and how me might go about working them out. However, the ball is in his court now so I am powerless to do anything about it. While I can admit how I contributed to our problems, I also now see where he did as well. I guess its up to him to realize those contributions he made or it will never work.

But how long do I give him? It really hurts that I haven’t heard a single word from him all this time. I mean, I was pretty upset when he left that night and he never even called, texted or emailed to see if I was even okay… nothing. Sometimes I feel as though he denies my existence all together… but then I think that he knows I’m strong and smart and can take care of myself so he probably doesn’t feel he has to… I don’t know, I’m so confused. :\

Calli / September 29th, 2009, 2:05 am / #

My bf and I just started a break about 2 weeks ago.
We’ve been fighting a lot. We’ve both been unhappy. We fight about the littliest things.
Last year, he went through a quarter life crisis (or whatever it is) and we broke up for about 3 months. I did not deal with it well because I love him deeply and it made no sense to me. Apparently he wanted/needed space to figure out his life…he described what he felt as “an empty corpse, floating on earth”. What struck me more was that he kept this away from me……and he pushed me away. But he needed to do it on his own. We reunited the beginning of this year…..but I held onto a lot of anger and resentment. I was so hurt by the break that I never truly trusted him. Since then, I have picked fights with him, I didn’t trust him, I haven’t been a great gf. Which has now led to this break.

Most of the time, I feel ok. I understand what needs to happen right now. At the end of the day, I’m struck with overwhelming feelings…I’m angry that I’m in this position again…. Im angry that he chose to leave again. After what we went through last year, we both know and realize how much we care and want each other in our lives. But in what context? He’s tired of us fighting….I’m tired of us fighting. I want things to change…but I need him to want to change the relationship with me. RIght now, he doesn’t want to do it. Will he want to again? I don’t know.
We’ve seen each other twice within the past 2 weeks…without the “relationship” looming over our heads, we actually spent very enjoyable time together. This gives me hope. This tells me that we really can change. We need to change our habits together.
Another thing looming over my head is I’ll be going out of the country for about a month for performances ( i’m a musician) and then, there really will be no communication for a month. I know we’ll see each other again before I leave….but everytime I see him, we spend good times together…and I start getting emotional and start wondering why we can’t get back together. I’m impatient. I want this to resolve now. I want to work on it. I want to fight for it. But it seems as though he’s tired and has no energy to be in it anymore. I don’t know. I’m hoping this break is what will refuel our relationship. I think by the time I get back in November, things will be clear.

I recommend ‘Choice Theory” by William Glasser. PLease read it. It has helped me deal with it. It helps me get out of my cyclical depressing thoughts and helps me focus on what I can do because the only thing I can control is myself and my thoughts. Also, ask yourself: is what you are doing or thinking going to help the relationship/help you guys become closer? Is it going to push them farther away? So instead of thinking about texting or calling or emailing him/her, do respect the time and space he/she has requested. This shows that you are respectful of their needs, and not just trying to fulfill yours. This time apart will help the two of you figure out what you both want and need and if you both are willing to get back into the relationship. Just remember that the only person you can control is yourself. Do everything out of love. Love him/her, love yourself, love the relationship…give it some fresh air. Over watering only drowns it.

pianist in the city / September 30th, 2009, 2:05 pm / #

Hi,

My boyfriend just told me he wanted to break up with me, which later ended in a 1-year break. We have been dating on and off for 8 years now, and this is the fourth time we are together. The first time we broke up, we spent 2 years apart. The 2nd time was 4 months. Third time we spent 1.5 years apart. He never asked for a break before, just breaking up.

In this current relationship, for the past 2 months, we’ve been discussing taking a break 2 times, but eventually didn’t for various reasons.

We have been fighting a lot lately regarding future plans and personal issues. It’s not that we are not willing to compromise. It’s more due to personal factors and financial situation on this side.

Although we have discussed it twice in the past 2 months, I was really surprised because I understood that we had settled everything 2 weeks ago (which was the last time we talked about it).

Then last night, he just came back and say that he wanted to break up. Note that we have been apart for 1.5 months now in different countries.

Although he changed his mind later, do you think it’s because he just didn’t want to be mean?

We agree that there will be no phone call except if anyone of us really need help with anything. The only means of communication is email. We doesn’t mind frequent emails, and commit to answering every emails within 48 hours.

Is there any hope in this relationship? Is it really going to be 1 year? And what should I do?

Freda / September 30th, 2009, 2:05 pm / #

Freda

I am curious after reading your story……during the time apart during the different break ups..did you guys maintain communication? Did you guys talk about the relationship? I am amazed to hear that even after breaking up and for such long periods of time, you guys still got back together. If anything, it gives me hope since this is the 2nd time it’s happening to my relationship and I’m having a hard time dealing with it,especially when our feelings for each other has not diminished, but it is the relationship that is suffering.
I can’t decide whether or not to move on. During your breaks, how did you feel? Did you guys date other people? Do you guys express that you want each other in each other lives? Did you maintain a friendship?

pianist in the city / October 3rd, 2009, 1:55 pm / #

Hi Pianist in the City,

My story’s a bit complicated. It was only the first time break up that I dated other guys (we broke up for 2 years). Other times, there were no other guys in my life. As for my bf, he never dated any other girls. (I’m his 4th gf though)

For our 2nd & 3rd break up, we have maintained communication. We didn’t talk much the first few months. Then after that, maybe once or twice a month for a year. Then we started meeting up, and started to talk more on emails, then phones. Then we’re back together.

If your feeling for each other have not diminished, you may want to give it a try. Take your time though, and don’t rush back.

As for me this time, I really don’t know. It’s a much different circumstance. We have been dating on a much more serious tone than any other time, and it’s been quite unhappy for both of us lately because of a lot of factors. Now, my bf feels that he’s happier alone than with a gf, so he decides to break up. On that sense, I’m envious of you. At least you guys still have mutual feelings. For me, I really have no idea.

Good luck with everything.
Freda

Freda / October 3rd, 2009, 10:45 pm / #

Relationships are so complex..! Frustrating…but that’s how they come and I guess the more we go through them, the more we learn about ourselves and about being with other people.

This experience for me has actually shed light on my own personal issues that has nothing to do with him. Although many of it manifested itself on my current relationship, I am starting to see that I have many skeletons in my closet that I need to get rid of. So as this is a time for the relationship to breathe, it is also time for me to work on issues within myself. Over the years, I have dated so many guys that just weren’t right for me. I somehow allowed it to change my views, my judgement, my reactions, and my whole being. These days, I am starting to see the old ‘me’ again which is in many ways, making myself very happy. I feel as though I’ve been lost for a while…and I can finally come back in being my true self, unhindered and untainted by the shadows of loves past. I am also learning the hardships of relationships…although it might not be what I want to be happening right now, I am learning so much from this experience that in the end, there isn’t anything bad that’s going to come out of this. It’s the part where I am impatient that is driving me crazy.

I saw him again tonight. We had dinner. We talked. We can get along. But when I approached the topic about our relationship, it is clear that it isn’t going to happen again right now. I have to admit that I sabotaged the relationship on my own. I pushed him away. I didn’t mean to. There were a few things the last year that he did and it hurt my tremendously…and even though I gave him and the relationship a chance, I acted and made my every move based on my resentment towards what happened. This in turn, back fired and has now tainted our relationship to the point where it cannot go on. He doesn’t have the capacity to let things go and forget about the negativity our relationship was clouded in and to move on with me. At least not right now. He says he wants me in his life but not be in a romantic relationship…..he isnt convinced that I will change. As I said, this break up has shed light to my issues. I see this now and I am hoping to change things. He isn’t willing to get on the boat with me. Not yet. At least I hope that he will in the future.
I am to see him again next week…it was my birthday recently and he wants to take me out for a birthday dinner. Then I depart for a month to China for performances. Maybe this time apart will truly help. At least help him clear his head and allow him to get to a point to even think about revisiting having a romantic relationship with me. By that time, I don’t know where I’ll be mentally. I might still want a relationship with him…but maybe I won’t. He knows there’s the risk of losing me forever..but apparently to him, this is the only way if we are to ever be in a relationship again. Completely fresh start. Reboot of the system. It’s been tainted with a lot of negativity between us.

On the other hand, I’m thinking, is this even worth pursuing again in the future? For me, I feel like either I’m in it or not. I have always dealt with past relationships in a very decisive way: either you’re in or out. Most of the time, my exes just end up in the out pile and never to return on my desktop. So I am struggling between keeping him in my life and realizing that we can’t be together right now. To me, if we’re not going to pursue this, then there is no point in keeping contact. It draws out the pain and inevitable total separation. He obviously sees it different. He thinks I am very shortsighted if I deal with it that way. He wants to keep me in his life but He cannot say he will come back for sure…but he is kind of leaving it open. He is just not in a place right now to want to pursue the relationship again. He feels that if we did, he probably would sabotage things this time with his negativity.

I guess I am just rambling things to the cyber world, to those readers who might be going through the same thing and thinking the same thoughts. Just know that you are not alone and that many people go through the same thing. It is a part of life and part of growing and learning about yourself and relationships. I know that in the future, I will never act the way I did with him. I will never choose to handle things the way I did with him ever again. I have become more self aware of things about myself. It is a good thing. Now, I just have to see how things go…after my trip to China. This is the part where ‘if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be’ come in. As much as I want to put him in the pile where I keep my past relationships, I guess I will see where I end up in his mind and my mind in a month. Maybe I’m still holding onto a thread of hope, but if we truly care about each other, then love will hold strong through the test of time. (play cheesy music here). But i think it is somewhat true. If you care about a person, it doesnt matter how much time passes. I think about how I could reunite with an old friend and it seems we never stopped talking in the first place. I think, Freda, you have experienced it when you and your bf have gone through time apart and still manage to be back in each other’s lives. Obviously I don’t know what is going on and what the issues are, but there is obviously a deep sense of care for each other and love. If not, I wouldn’t think it would be possible for you guys to be apart and come back together again.

I just want things to be better between him and I. I just wish that he could be in a place so he doesn’t associate us in the old light. I want to start pursuing a new relationship with him..in a positive way. I’ve been doing things negatively in the past. I see it now. I hope there is a chance. I will take your advice Freda….take time. Don’t rush back. I guess that is actually what he’s doing.

Will probably come back and write more after I see him next week after my birthday dinner. Things probably wouldn’t have changed. But I can only hope that we continue to have a great time together. It might remind us that we do share a lot of laughs and good times.

Good luck everyone

pianist in the city / October 4th, 2009, 2:05 pm / #

Hey,
I have been in my relationship for 3 months now. About a week ago, he decided he needed to take a break. We had spent a lot of time together in the beginning and now he is feeling smothered. I feel like its my fault because I got angry with him when he didnt call me and ask me what I was doing and was going to let the weekend go by without even calling me. He got really angry because I was angry about him not wanting to hangout with me too. He said he needs time to be alone and think. He said part of him wants to be with me and part of him doesnt….I dont know what is going to happen !! Advice plz!!

Maria / October 12th, 2009, 6:51 am / #

My partner and I have been together for about 6yrs. At the time he was devorcing his wife and I was coming out of an abousive relationship. we meet at work and hit it off. Everthing was good for about the 3yrs. somewhere a little after the third year we started having problems. We were arguing all time. I found out around that time that he was cheating on me, this put a stress on our relationship even more. I did not know what to do. We broke it off with her shortly after I found out. Through all this we decied to stay with each other and work it out. Towards the end of the third year I became pregnant and had a little girl. Things between us was still a little rocky but by the fourth year everything was a lot better. Know we are in our six year and at a point that all the arguing and yelling is to much. He says that part of him wants to be me and the other part just wants a break. I told him that if we worked it out before, why can’t we just try again? He said that their is so much anger and confused built up from all the years that staying may not be right, and he doesn’t want to end up hateing my like he does his ex-wife. So we talked and I found out that he fells that I nag to much, like I give a attitude when he wants to go out with his friends. Our when he meets up with past female friends from school and starts calling them or texting that I always nag and he can’t not have his freedom. Its doesn’t make it any better that I just found out hes been texting and seeing another girl that works with him. this made me really angery and i asked him if anything was goind on he said no, but the late text messaging till midnight or 1am doesnt make me feel confident.In some points its true but I awared him that he also does not pull his part either making me feel unsecuire , taking me for dinner or just walking the mall never happens. I told him I miss the quality time the two of us used to have and i told him he makes me feel as if hes is not interested in me. He came to a conclusion that he wants to stay and work it out but things might not be that same as before while he is trying to find out if this is what he wants. What I mean is always telling me that he loves me or misses me, kissing, hugging. This was hard for me to hear since through all the other hard times we always did it. Know I’m left feeling lost and depreset not know what he is thinking or wanting. What do i do?

anonymous / October 15th, 2009, 1:10 am / #

I been with my bf for 5 1/2 yrs. I am now presently 22 and he is 23. We have had a strng solid relationship for the most part. No one ever cheated or nothng it was good. But we recenlty decided to take a break. this is day 2! and i been crying off and on throughout the day. Im not sure if we are making the right decision. The break was decided on because we were young when we got together and really havent experienced much. We were eachother first (lost our virginity together) and first serious relationship. He have had some slip ups where he would text random girls and meet them. When confronted he says he just like the attention. but i started to wonder if he wanted something else. After a few of those painful incidents i found myself gettin crushes on people that i work with. Then i wasnt sure if i really wanted something else. Now that we on this break it seem like forever and like everyone else really dont matter. I just hope everything work out. My bf suppose to leave for the military in Feb and i have no idea how long this break will be.. It already feels like forever… IM SAD CONFUSED.. everyone keep sayin have fun while you can cause he will.. but how do i know.. and i dont want to really get involved with no one else cause fear that it may screw something up with my bf. I FEEL LOST!!!! HELP!!

Mz Red / October 20th, 2009, 8:28 pm / #

My girlfriend of over 10 years decided that we needed a break. There were a lot of communication issues that I wasn’t fully aware of. I was going through a really stressful time in my life and I had said some horrible things to her out of anger. She internalized all of this and then one day she said she needed a break from the relationship. I was completely shocked. We have never broken up or taken a break ever. I begged her to let’s work things out and use a break as a last resort. Unfortunately she has already made up her mind. She told me that she needed this break in hopes to save our relationship and if I try to force things upon her that it would push her further away from me. I am so confused. I don’t know why she wouldn’t give it a good shot at fixing our issues before wanting to take a break. It’s day 4 now. I can’t eat or sleep and have no desire to do anything. I know I should keep myself busy during this period but I can’t. I just can’t. The good thing is that we both agreed not to see other people during this break. She tells me that she is still in love with me. If she is in love with me why does she need a break? When I ask her how long will this break be she tells me she is unsure. I don’t even know if this could be a weeks, months, or even a year. I just feel so helpless because there is nothing I can do but to wait. Sigh. She told me that when (not if) we get back together we will work our issues out but for now I need to respect that she needs time alone. My biggest fear is that she may move on and not want to be with me after the break is through. She means the world to me and there is no one else I would rather be with. I pray everyday that things will work out and this experience will make our relationship stronger than ever. Please lord make this work!!!

D / October 26th, 2009, 6:28 pm / #

Hi Mz Red,

I understand how it feels, especially you’re just fresh off the event. It will be better a month from now. By then, you will be able to evaluate the relationship about how you think about it too because you are no longer being emotional about the issue.

I don’t know how mind will turn out, but I have my own time limits. It’s been 1 month now, and I am seriously going to consider a lot of things after 2 months. By mid December, if things don’t resolve, I will walk away. but I still want to give my best so that it will work out. However, if it passes the time limit, then it pretty much means that the relationship doesn’t worth it. My bf just don’t care that much. So, then it would be time to leave for good.

Good luck.
Freda

Freda / October 31st, 2009, 2:52 pm / #

Hey, this article was so helpful for me. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years but I have an awful problem of not being able to let things go.
For example his friends treated me like shit once and he never stood up for me and I cant let it go.
Where as a few months into our relationship I drunkenly kissed another guy and he forgave and forgot everything, and I cant forgive myself or forget about it.
He really is one in a million.
But this week it got to much I started up a stupid fight once again about him not standing up for me to his friends and he snapped, he just had enough. I pushed him so much that Ive driven him away and I cant tell you how much I love him he means the world to me and hes my whole life. I just get possessive and jealous and juvenile.

He told me today he wants to cool it for a few weeks, like were still technically together just taking a little break for awhile so he can figure out if he wants to stay with me or if he thinks its better for us to walk away.

This argument has hit me hard and made me realise that my god, I need to work harder at being a better person because Im not happy with the person I am. Im pushy, strong headed, stubborn, jealous and possessive. I want to change. I’ve swore to him that I want to change and be with him, but he doesnt believe me. Well, who can blame him?

I’ve never wanted anything more than to be a better person and for us to be happy again. I feel like Ive worn him down and its all my fault.

I want honesty, do any of you think that there’s hope for us? Or is it a case of too little too late?

Boots / October 31st, 2009, 11:07 pm / #

Ive been with my bf for almost a year. I am 21 and he is 36.
I met him last winter and everything was super good from the begining, though the age diference.
We have had a strong solid relationship for the most part. Then I had to leave the states in June, and Im living in Argentina now, but he’s still there.
Through all this we decided to stay with each other and work it out, since Im coming back in december. 5 months now without him. :(
Anyway we found the way to keep in touch pretty much everyday, talking on the phone, skype, facebook, text message..
Everything seemed to work well, but it started to go down, when I got bothered when he didnt pay me as much atenttion as I needed/wanted.
We’ve been fighting a lot. We’ve both been unhappy. We fought about the littliest things.
And now I feel like its my fault because I got mad at him so often, when he didnt call me and ask me what I was doing, or how I felt. Or just saying I love you. And sometimes leting the days go by without even texting me..
It was like a endless circle of figthing. And of course the distance
made everything harder and frustrating.. The age diference doesnt help either.
I noticed he started to be cold and distant to me. and 2 days ago I asked him if he wanted to chill and take a break. I wasnt surprised when he said yes.. Apparently he wanted/needed space to figure out his life…

I have to say that the only thing we have in common is that we want to be together. The rest is everything against us. The distance,
the coulture, the age, the life situations, the personality. Nothing helps, but that we love each other too much.
I was so upset at the time, and cried a lot. But now i feel good. all i wanna do is to see him again right now. Its just one month left, and I know (hope) everything is gonna be like it was at the first. When we were together.
Hope all of this its just because we cant be together right now.

Since we are already apart this break its gonna be about give us space to think clearly, and see how we feel without each other.
I guess there will be no communication. Ah well. Im still happy because I really trust in us. Im taking this as a time for myself to relax, and stop annoying him with my childness.(compared with his age)
Maybe this would sound stupid, but the only thing im worried about, is that he could be with other people. I dont know why but theres no way i could take that. I havent been with anyone in 5 months, and I wasnt even close to. I feel comfortable being loyal, and Im sure he was so, this 5 months. despite of all the times people laughed about me when I said I trusted in that. I still believe it.
But even if we arent together, and we are in a break now im terrified of that.

Lt MS / November 1st, 2009, 11:42 am / #

WOW. im glad i found this site because i know my friends are already sick of me talking about this. I have only been dating this guy for a little over two months. everything was wonderful really. we literally hung out every single day since the day we met. he made it so easy, and we only live a block away from each other. I knew sort of that being with someone everyday was probably not the best thing but if you like someone, then hey why not! then he tells me like two weeks ago that he was feeling emotionally wierd but that I had nothing to do with it. then about a week after that, last week i notice he is becomming distant. we didnt see each other as much because he just moved and had to “clean and set up the house” which now i see as a scapegoat. we would hang out to go to sleep together or walk the dog thats it. he wasnt sending me the “i miss you texts” like we did everyday. i calle dhim about about it a little each day. friday he tells me he is feeling weird in general and is not emotional and not t o worry about it because its to early in o ur relationship to worry about how he feels about me. saturday i get wasted….make him tell me more about how he is feeling and he says he doesnt fell emotions towards me and that he didnt want to break up but he didnt know what to do about it amd i freaked out and things went bad. the next day he told me to leave and he came over later and said he needed a break to figure out if he like me as a girlfriend anymore and if this was worth it to him. i have hope that it is becaus eliterally…it was only ONE WEEK of him feeling off which he said he has no answers why and it may or may not be something that goes away, untill then he said he cant bare dissapointing me emotionaly and it would be better if we didnt see each other for a few days while he decides how he feels. i feel like hell absolute hell. my friends are saying that if he has to think about how he feels, then it isnt worth it. im willing to belive he is in a funk and not to worry like he told me before. i basicaly forced this break on myself a little i shoudl have just given him time but it was killing me that he was being so distant. and now he is even more so. this sucks. day two dont know what to do..

drea / November 4th, 2009, 12:21 am / #

Is it actually good to keep in touch in the break?
Or we should leave our partners alone to give them the space to think about it? I’m in a break right now with my bf, and I told him I was gonna let him think about everything. But its been 6 days and I’m really doing an effort, I need to talk with him and tell him I love and miss him way too much, and I want things to be as they were before.
I’m afraid of ruin things for being so anxious. And the fact that he didn’t say that yet its killing me as well. I know he still loves me a lot, but he is just kinda cold sometimes. what should I do? should I wait for him to contact me first? can anyone give me an advice? thanks

MARCIA / November 4th, 2009, 1:57 am / #

I have been dating my bf for a lil over a year now and i love him so much and i know he loves me. We went on the break beacuse he says that he wants me to know how it would feel without me and that he needs to take the time to change. He will text me when i text him to say i love you. He says he will come back, we jsut gotta be strong and that he loves me with all his heart and doens’t want any other girl but me. But it kills me that we can do the change together and that if the break is long his mind can change. We arew really good together it’s jsut when we fight we fight about he simplest things and it’s likes wow we fight alot. But i hope in the end taht we will be with each other. i cant imagine my life without my lover. If we were to break up i just want him to be happy. I hope he is happy with me but i love him enough to let him go if he really wants that, but i rather not.

Molly / November 4th, 2009, 7:22 am / #

My BF and I are on a break, but I feel uncomfortable even calling it that. Some underlying issues that he has just hidden from and won’t face. It is so weird, he professes his deepest love and desire, one day and then blows me off. Stands me up. Acts unconcerned. Then is totally on top of, the I love you for forevers..you are the most beautiful, etc..we are by the way, not teens we are middle aged. We should be stable. Not ridiculous people. We should have good heads on our shoulders. Then I e-mail him one thing about something of an issue that we need to discuss and he gets so offended and proposes this break. I call him at work and he says that was an over reaction and we will spend the weekend together and have a great weekend. We will talk things over on Friday eve. Well there is no talk on Friday eve..no show on Sat..no call, nothing..Sunday, I just am upset and regrettfully state that I suppose this break is in order, despite not wanting it, being in love, cannot handle this lack of consideration, being taken for granted, etc..I feel fairly crushed.
Real sad. Like taking a break, is a BREAk..not a word..then today, some back and forth e-mail..and an e-mail,,WE NEED TO TALK TONIGHT!!! so fine, I wonder why now..maybe it is less pressure to communicate with a break person, then with a love…I don’t know. Of course the call never came. I don’t get it..
I don’t know what this break thing is..What defines it.
in my heart I am grieving..but rule defined, am I a grieving single person..do I need to respect his wishes…move on…wait? what..am I allowed to tell me my thoughts as they relate to him mostly..we were quite involved..do I just make myself have a gag order…
I hate the absolute lack of communication.

jane / November 10th, 2009, 12:34 pm / #

I’m trully glad that i’m not experiencing this alone. My boyfriend of a year said he NEEDED a break from the relationship and whilst on the break the rules of relationship do not apply, it would be at our discretion what we chose to do with regards to seeing other people! He said we will be fine all he needed was a break to get his head around things as we were moving too fast.

I was devastated my world literally fell apart…i’m ashamed to say but i cried, i begged…at work, on the bus, on the train i couldn’t stop crying, still crying as i write this…we haven’t spoken since Saturday…and i’m dying inside, i’m trying too be strong but a question keeps bugging me What if we never get back togheter? What if he sleeps with someone else? I don’t know if i can make it through this.

Moviv II / November 18th, 2009, 12:32 am / #

I think a break can save relationships; however, I think it is difficult and confusing…

My comment is more of question where advice is needed.

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years; we have a great, amazing relationship. We are very compatiable, we make each other very happy, we have an unbelievable attraction towards each other. The only downside is, if we fight, we are both stubborn, and we do not resolve issues very well. We don’t fight often, but when we do, it’s terrible. We both say things we regret, we try to move on, and it works. If the fights happen often, we’ve taken a break. We’ve taken a break last summer and things were going great when we decided to start spending time togehter, and I guess “get back together.” After our break, we weren’t fighting, things were even better than before, etc. However, it didn’t last. About four months later, we started the same pattern again. We are fighting more and more, and we’ve decided to take another break.

I know 100% neither one of us wants to end things. We love each other very much; we both agree that we want to get married and spend the rest of our lives together; we know we have many great aspects to our relationships, it’s just these STUPID fights. They start over something stupid, and end up blowing out of proportion because we cannot effectively communicate. We tried to fix it with the first break, but it didn’t seem to take. So now what?? What should we do??

L / November 23rd, 2009, 11:20 pm / #

im on a break right now … i dont know if he said it just to make me feel better or an easy way to let me know that he wants to break up ….. i mean he asked me if i felt like i wanted to be single and i said i still had feelings for him & that i wouldent really wana be single but if its what he wanted then okay. he went onto tell me that we should just take a break then & i agreeed …. 9 hours later im confused on how to manage witha breakup and/ or what to do when i see him in the morning…. do i act like were still together or not. i guess the break thing is nice its a calmer way of ending things or rebuilding them to. im just hoping it can save our relationship and that this advice will come in use.

Jade / November 24th, 2009, 12:27 pm / #

Tomorrow is me and my girlfriend’s eight month anniversary. We’ve known each other for three years. In the past couple months we’ve been fighting so much. It was always over something ridiculous that I wish I could just take back. She said she needed space and wants to take a break. At first I was confused, angry, and upset. I felt like she just didnt want to be with me, but I couldnt figure out what the point of this was. But I see now that she did this to save our relationship. I love her & she loves me. It is difficult not to talk to someone who I’ve had months of solid communication with, but it’s day four and I finally realize that the more I try to communicate with her during this break, then tis break will just go that much longer. It’s going to be difficult, but I know that if I keep my head up, think positively, and trust, good things will happen.

I do not consider myself to be very religious, but I go to church on a regular basis. But it’s only really to keep my parents happy. I know that’s wrong, so I’ve committed to change this. Anyway, I went to church yesterday and instead of sitting back and watching the clock like normal, I actually payed close attention. The pastor was preaching out of 1st Corinthians 13. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I realized that the main reason why Melanie & I have been fighting as because I constantly kept a record of wrongs and she constantly was angered easily. Now, I repeat, I do not normally pay attention. But on the one sunday I decide to do it, this verse is preached on. It gave me the motivation I need to get through this break. I am so tempted every other second to pick up my phone & try to contact her, but I know it will only hurt us in the end. So I’m going to give her the space she needs in hopes that it will help towards the betterment of our relationship.

Love always perseveres.

Jon / November 24th, 2009, 1:53 pm / #

wow, a sight for couples on a break.. awesome! So glad i found it cuz me and my girl are on a break right now, day 5 and it sucks. Initially i broke up w her because she told me that she didn’t know if she believed in the ‘one’ anymore but she would like me to still be that ‘one’ for her.. she just needs time. It seems like guys here on this site are the ones wanting breaks more than the women do but not in my case.. anyway, i’m pretty much just here to vent. I miss her sooo much and i actually went to her college graduation the other day, after i said i wasn’t going to, we talked, thru email, and then i told her that i wanted to go after all. She looked so beautiful graduating. It was at the thomas and mack center w like 10000 people there so i didnt see her face to face, just on the screen. Anyway, i miss her and i want her back and i wish she would just figure stuff out already and come back to me.. in my arms. I miss my baby

colin Caetano / December 18th, 2009, 4:51 am / #

Me and my fiance of 6 years decided to take a break 4 weeks ago. I was totally heartbroken, I was sure it meant we were over right? Totally out of the blue (we’d been talking about wedding the day before) It was meant to be until 6th Jan. So conveniently over xmas :( So i’ve been forcing myself to go out practically every night to keep myself busy, although i couldn’t stop thinking of him. Although we kept in contact of txts, its hard to understand what someone really means in a txt. It was non exclusive so he’s been seeing other people in the period. Yesterday he txt me saying he wants the break to end and get back together on Boxing day. He really is the love of my life, so i think we’ll give it another shot :) but trust will take a while i guess. Although my friends dont want me to get back with him.

Reading of others experiences on this really helped me understand that a break no matter how much it sucks can be a good thing, and regain lost independence.

Sarah / December 20th, 2009, 7:20 pm / #

I have been dating my boyfriend for only 10 months now, and have decided I want to take a break. I’m still not sure what a break is.. Do we talk? Can we see eachother? What are the rules of a break and how does it work? I used to be so in love with him.. and now I feel that we have spent so much time together, and some things about him just annoy me. I care about him so much, so much that it hurts me to hurt him. It took me 2 months to finally have a talk with him about it. I don’t know what to do, and whats driving me crazy is that I don’t know how a break works. I haven’t wanted to have sex with him, kiss him, or even see him often. Is it worth it to go on this break? I’m hoping it would be, but I feel like maybe I just need to come back to reality and realize that we just shouldn’t be together. I’m scared though, I’m scared that if we do actually break up, I will realize how good he was to me and how amazing I had it with him and want him back. But what if I cant have him back? I’m so confused, I just wish things were the way they were before. I feel like I don’t love him anymore but what if I’m wrong? What if we have just spent way too much time together that I just got sick of him. Maybe I should mention that for the first 8 months we did see eachother every day, but he wasn’t as nice to me. He would hangout with his friends and choose to do things over seeing me, but when that changed, and he started wanting to be with me all the time, give me everything he could, and text me and call me every hour of the day… was when I changed. Is this just never going to work out? Maybe I loved him so much before was because I couldn’t have what I wanted… and then when I got what I wanted (Him being the best boyfriend anybody could ask for) I stopped feeling that way. I WISH that I could love him the same way I used to, and feel about him the same way I used too… but I don’t want him to go back to how he used to be because I wasn’t happy then either. I need some answers, and I haven’t been able to find any.

Erin Solvic / January 3rd, 2010, 4:26 pm / #

My girlfriend and I found each other about 7.5 months ago through an internet dating site and after spending about 3 weeks chatting to each other over msn, we met up in person for the first time… I’m a kinda shy guy and so the first few dates I was pretty nervous but by the third date I just felt so comfortable around her and we were able to talk so freely with each other, I should mention that she is recovering from an eating disorder; she suffered on and off from anorexia for four years and spent six months in a clinic recovering from it, her previous boyfriend actually dumped her the first time she went into hospital for treatment as he said he couldn’t handle it anymore. Well, when we first started dating she was at a healthy weight again and her mental attitude has come on in leaps and bounds in the time I’ve known her.
Well, we got along great for the first three months that we went out but her dad decided over a year ago to emigrate to Spain (we’re both from Northern Ireland) and the time set for them to leave was September 21st of last year, three months after we first met. She initially prevaricated over whether or not to go with him and at one stage was considering staying and getting a flat with me and maybe starting a course … but her therapist advised her that it would be wiser for her to recover properly before embarking on anything that might cause her undue stress (she was only four months out of the clinic at this stage) and so she decided to go with her dad to Spain.
I have quite a flexible job and it was easy for me to get the time off to go and see her so I went out to visit her on four of the first seven weekends that she was out there, we’d talk all the time on msn too and we were still so very close to each other … we then only saw each other once in the next six weeks and during this time her life in Spain started going better, she met some new friends and got some voluntary work helping out in an animal rescue centre (she’s always wanted to work with animals); after she got offered the voluntary work I asked her what would happen if it led to a job in Spain … she’d always maintained before that she’d only be out there for a year and would then return to start a course in Northern Ireland but when I asked her then she said without hesitation that she’d take the job. This really perturbed me, not so much her answer but more her lack of hesitation or need to think about it, she then tried to push me away a bit the next day by saying she didn’t miss me as much as she did initially after moving out there and that she felt that I was too clingy and needy. Which maybe she had a point with … but she then blamed her outburst on her eating disorder and said it made her push people away sometimes and I accepted that … well, she came back for Christmas and spent 2.5 weeks with me, we had such a great time too, I felt at the end of it that I knew her better than ever and on our last night together I did let slip about how I was worried about losing her but she said I shouldn’t worry as it wouldn’t happen.
She left to go back to Spain and the first night she was back had a long conversation with her dad, he’d had a tough time without her being there over Christmas and she said the next day that she gave him some advice and he gave her some but wouldn’t say much about what they talked about as she said it involved him. Well, that was six days ago and it was only two days ago, after I asked her about booking more trips out to see her, that she said that she’d been so stressed lately because she had been wanting to take a break from the relationship but didn’t know how to tell me and had wanted to wait until I went out to see her in a few weeks but was sick of lying to me … I didn’t know what to say as I just thought we were so perfect for each other but she said again about how she didn’t miss me as much as she thought she should if we were ‘in love’ and that she didn’t wake up thinking about me and that she loved me more like she would a close friend. I was, and still am, so devastated about it and, while I’d like to give her more space, she’s been such a big part of my life for the last 7 months and I just can’t resist the urge to call her or contact her on msn, I still think we have so much in common and have such fun when we’re together, I guess the fact that we only spent three months dating before embarking on a long distance relationship with a 2.5 hour flight between us meant that it was always likely to be strained but …
She just means so, so much to me, I’ve never met anyone like her and don’t know if I will again, just am spending every waking hour thinking about her at the moment and no matter what I do I just can’t seem to focus my mind on anything else. She said earlier tonight that ‘she didn’t want me to get my hopes up as nothing may happen’ … and that ‘we’ll just see what happens’ between us so I can’t help but feel that she still has some kind of feelings for me, I know she’s been in tears for much of the last few days but that might be more guilt at hurting me in this way, she is spending alot of time with her new friends out in Spain at the moment and part of me thinks that if she’s happy out there then she deserves it after all she’s been through but I know I can make her happy and would do anything to still be a big part of her life. I guess only time will tell whether her feelings are of the ‘just wanna be friends’ kind or something more but I know that I’d get back to her in a heartbeat if she wanted me to … just love her so much.

Pete / January 14th, 2010, 8:21 am / #

We need a break have you ever heard those words i have and i hate that fucking word so much i’ve been on a break for about a week now and it sucks because i’ve been with my girl for 2 1/2 years and she’s all i know so it would suck to start over again with another person but the reason we are on a break is for the best so that we can get our shit together so we can picked up where we left off and yes you can have sex with him or her a break doesn’t mean you have sex with another person but thats up to you after this break im going to marry my love because feeling the way i feel is not good i cant sleep i cant eat its just like the alicia keys song have you ever try to sleep with a broken heart let me tell you it hurts but you live an you learn i apprecaite what i have and i wish i had try harder but now i know so when ever we get back together i’ll do things alittle bit different because i dont want to go through this shit again

Romeo / January 20th, 2010, 9:49 pm / #

My girlfriend and I are currently on a break it as been 2 weeks. She tells me that she is doing whats best for her. She tells me that she still loves me but needs to have this break to figure things out. I just feel like we are never going to get back together. We have been together for nine and a half years and lived with each other for five. I had to move to my moms for the two weeks so that she could have her space. Just yesterday I came back home where we live together but she tells me that she just wants to be friends. She told me that she misses my company and friendship. So we are living together as friends for now. I’m scared I don’t want to loose her. I’ve asked how long she needs to realize things but she says she doesn’t know. I don’t know what to do I cry myself to sleep just thinking about it. What should I do just move on or wait till she’s ready?

Tundra / January 23rd, 2010, 1:50 am / #

Has anyone experienced that a break could help if you are going through commitment issues? My boyfriend has started to panic about looking into the future. From being broody he suddenly changed to someone, who will see nightmares about me skipping a pill or us having babies. He feels trapped and has started more and more to treat me as indifferent.

So we decided to take a break. I don’t know if it will resolve things, but there was no way we could have gone on the way things were. 2 weeks and ticking. In the mean time I just need to wait and see if this will help. There are way more things going on with him, like financial issues, unemployment after huge success and high expectations etc. etc. But it is impossible to know whether it is me and the relationship that’s the problem or all the rest of it. And even if it were all the rest of it, shouldn’t he be able to get strength from the relationship as opposed to feeling that its a burden?

So I repeat my question. Can a break help in commitment issues? I really love him, but I am not happy to be with a person who runs away from me 50% of the time.

Roz / January 26th, 2010, 5:09 am / #

I have been with my partner for 10 years, and we have been engaged for 2 years. When we got together I was 19 and he was 18, and for a long time it was the best thing I could have wished for. However for at least the past year I have been having doubts. I used to be very shy and sort of got absorbed into him. In the past couple of years I have changed beyond recognition and feel I need to find myself again as an individual.

We move about with his job a lot, so I am constantly having to leave my job, friends etc and start from scratch and I have started to get very depressed. 6 months ago I met another guy with whom I had an instant connection. We both developed feelings for eachother, but when it looked like it might lead somewhere he backed off saying he felt guilty for what he was doing to us, and that he was finding the whole thing very difficult. It scares me that I had feelings for someone else, and I know these feelings have been interfering with my thoughts on my relationship with my fiance.

I love my fiance but the relationship is doing me no good. I don’t want to hurt him, he is the nicest guy I ever met, so I end up just bottling it up and pretending everything is ok. We always got on so well that now I have a problem with the relationship I don’t know how to handle it. I’m so scared that taking a break will end things for good, but at the same time I am going mad. I need to work out what I want because he says he will quit his job for me so we can settle down near friends and family, but I don’t want him to sacrifice his career when I don’t know if the relationship is right any more. He is such a great guy and would do anything to fix it, but I don’t even know if there is a specific thing I can ask him to do that will make things better, because the trouble is it’s me that’s changed, not him. I am so unhappy but I love him so much, I don’t know what to do.

Katy / January 26th, 2010, 11:48 pm / #

I know this comment is really far down, but i thought i would give my own insight/experience into the “break” situation. I was talking with a guy for about 4 months, while i was away at college, before we finally started dating, we dated for a month, during which time i transferred back, in which he became crazy busy with work and practicing for the upcoming shows, so shortly after i came back up here he told me that “He wanted to think of things as a ‘break’ rather than a break up, but he is still attracted to me and loves my personality.

I was confused as all heck, especially given his timing (2 days before Christmas and 6 days before the one-year anniversary of my dad’s death). I continued on in my life….I didn’t know what happened, he said that I had, in fact, done nothing wrong. And i can honestly say for once that i actually didn’t feel as if i had done anything wrong. I started going on dates and ended up dating a guy, but I just wasn’t happy.

Meanwhile, I still attend shows where he works because i’m a regular there and we stop talking for a while. About 3 weeks after the ‘break’ i attend the opening night of their new show….low and behold i notice that he keeps looking over at me and wouldn’t grin until he saw me scream in approval after each song. A week later, i go back to the show with a couple of friends….he sights me on my way back to my seat, we make temporary eye contact, then his eyes skirt away with a pained expression. Another week goes by and I attend the show once more because my friend was going away, to my surprise I receive a text from him.

He said “yeah, laugh at me, i dropped a pick lol”. I nonchalantly say it wasn’t a big deal, he then continues the conversation…in between sets mind you, and said he was embarrassed because he was trying to impress me to which i reply that certainly he wasn’t trying to impress me given that he wanted a ‘break’ to which he responded, “well, actually i wanted to see if you wanted to talk about that…” He ends up calling me after the show and we speak about everything. It turns out that he had come to realize that he made a huge mistake, what had seemed like added stress from the relationship on top of work was actually mainly due to work. He said it had satisfied him for a day or two, but then the reality of his mistake had set in. Even his family and friends believed I was good for him.

So I ended up dumping the guy i was seeing, not because of the ‘break’ situation, but because i felt no chemistry with him. I give said musician a second chance, but tell him that he needs to prove himself over the course of a month before anything can happen as to reestablish trust. He took me out last night and we re-connected even stronger than before. Deep, intelligent conversation, prolonged eye contact, etc. He continued to say he had missed me, that i’m beautiful, that he has never felt quite this way with anyone else to want them like this, and that the separation caused him physical illness. (i felt the same way.)

I don’t know if this will give hope to any of you, but I thought i’d put at least one positive story of how sometimes breaks end up making people realize how much you actually mean to them. I, at first, thought that it was a nice way of dumping me, but then when he came back and acted the way he did and explained things and respected my wishes it seems that i was incorrect in my reasoning. So the best of wishes to all of you!

Elli / February 3rd, 2010, 11:33 am / #

It’s interesting that most of the posts are from the people that don’t know what’s going to happen after “the break”. I’ve been dating someone for 7 years (we’re both in our 40′s and are divorced. We both were married to just one previous partner for many years) but we never talk of marriage. In the beginning, I fell in love with his smile and the way he made me laugh and adored him. I gave in to his wants because he gave me so many “feel good” times – we were not really sexually compatible in my eyes, but he pretty much let me do what I wanted, while at the same time, never really doing what I wanted…but wanted me to do the things he enjoyed. There are some things that are mysterious about him…he seems to avoid talking about feelings completely, he is “aloof” and changes the subject if asked about how he feels, what he thinks, unless it has to do with something logical or mechanical, he’s empty inside. His eyes and actions show alot of emotion, but words will never come. So, I try to look for the good in people and not rock the boat, avoid confrontations. We’ve had many good times, but there’s something missing and so not natural about the relationship and when I ask him if we can talk about these things, he shuts down and immediately wants to take a break. I think it’s totally immature and just a cop-out, a cowards way of trying to keep control over you. I’ve gone back before and he never has said he was sorry for the hurt he caused. He said if he said he was sorry, then that meant I was right…What the heck is that? There was no right or wrong about feelings, but he doesn’t get that. He thinks it’s all about him and his schedule, his time, he thinks he does everything right and little by little over the years, it wore away at my self-esteem and confidence, but thank goodness, I stayed living in my own home and am a successful and personable person with friends that support me and have told me many times that he was trying to control me and that I have every right to ask for more….Finally, I think I believe them and am not going to call him and beg him to forgive me for speaking my feelings. It didn’t make sense to me that I had to do that before, but I did just because he seems fragile and bottled up emotionally, and I am quite emotionally strong. But now, when he says to “take a break”, I’m certainly going to do that. I’ve withdrawn from him and his family for the past year so I am able to cut the strings. I’m not a person that wants to hurt anyone or be hurt myself, but a relationship really does take two people that want to be there. When my ex husband and I went to counseling, the best thing the counselor told us was to not leave the room when we had arguments. It helped, but my ex husband didn’t go to much counseling and didn’t think he had any problem…it was all me. And now here I am again…in a relationship where I’m constantly trying to “fix” myself to become something I don’t want to be to please someone who won’t even discuss a life together. It’s all about him. He uses me financially somewhat, and I fall for his charms all the time. I’m glad we’re taking a break, because after 7 years if he can’t commit, there’s no more time wasted. I’m tired of playing the merry go round game….going in circles and getting nowhere. Be glad they give you the break. If they aren’t able to communicate with you, enjoy your company and value your feelings enough to work things out like a mature adult, the games will go on for a long time unless both are willing to communicate. When we get old, it isn’t so much the sex anymore, it’s the companionship and communication. If that ain’t there….you might as well have a dog. They wag their tails and communicate they’re happy to see you when you get home. :)

Mary / February 9th, 2010, 1:26 pm / #

My girlfriend of 2.5 years has told me (last night) that she wants a break to sort her head out, I’m gutted and dont know what to do…my head is in a mess.
Started about a year and a half ago, she found some pictures of an ex girlfriend on my laptop (just general ones nothing seedy) that I hadn’t even realised were still on there (were in an old admin folder) and she wen’t mental at me, I assured her that they were old and ment nothing to me, we started arguing a lot after that. A few months later my girlfriend then found out that I had an ex girlfriend still tied onto my mortgage and once again the arguments started, this time becoming more severe (major screaming, stress, nasty comments) I have tried to remove my ex off the mortgage but cannot due to the current market (cant even sell). All I want is to be with my girlfriend and grow old with her….we both still love each other very much but she is tired of all the drama’s, Im trying to sort it and am wearing myself out trying, but seems I’m hittting my head against a brick wall all the time..
We had a chat last night for a while and we got on better than what we’ve done for weeks????
I don’t know what to do….not sleeping properly and not eaten for a couple of days due to all this.
All I want to do is fix it and make her happy

Si / February 9th, 2010, 2:35 pm / #

We have been together 3 1/2 years. We have had breaks before, because of issues with his divorce. Now because, I am tired of waiting for commitment and he does not think he can commit because of religious/bible reasons, we are taking a break.

We get along wonderfully, never argue, bu here I am……my man is deciding if he can be with me or will he go to hell for it.

It has been two weeks, it gets more and more painful, as I feel less, and less optimistic.

Kris / February 11th, 2010, 7:16 am / #

so my boyfriend texts me this morning telling me he needs a break , all over drama he said she said shit that my friend started and we got pulled into .. it has nothing to do with our relationship i dont understand why we need a break ? and he said i can go out with other dudes during this time as he will probably go out with other gals but i know who i want and its him we have a good happy relationship just everyones drama he said she said is ruining it what do i do?

Jessica Lee / February 11th, 2010, 12:11 pm / #

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now. We’ve always had a good relationship, haven’t had too many disagreements, and if so we have always talked them out.

For some reason, time has really taken a toll on his life. Since our relationship I have seen that his job has been the most burden in his life. His work makes him depressed, has had financial issues, and everything is on his shoulders. It just seems like he doesn’t have a way out. He has worked for this place for 8 years and when he started there he thought he would work his way up to eventually own the business someday. Now, it just seems that things haven’t gone according to plan. He started as a tech and now he is in the management position. It seems like he keeps the business afloat. His boss leaves all decisions up to him while he is trying to keep his employees doing their jobs. He told me yesterday that there is a possibility that he could lose one of the biggest companies that he works with in the business. I guess they have been threatening him and threatening to do away with the business that he works for. A guy he knows pulled him aside and told him that he needs to get away from the job he is at. He told him there were two job openings available in this place that he really needs to look into. Jason is afraid though. His boss put everything into this business. His money, house, car, life have been put into this business and if he leaves then that place will go down and his boss will lose everything. He thinks about everyone and doesn’t want to be the cause of that.

He said his options are to basically stay where he is and try to do something else with that business to keep it afloat and keep his boss from losing everything or go somewhere else and get his finances together and get away from all the stress that he just can’t handle or live like that.

He said he’s hurting bad. He is just at a loss of what to do in life and where to go. His Mom has just moved out of the house, too, and that scares him. He now has to figure something out with his job and if he keeps the job he has he has to sell his truck to make payments and if he moves on he will have to still sell his truck but he doesn’t know what he will drive. He said everything effects everything. Which is true.

In the midst of all this with life, work, stress, financial issues, being unhappy, and all…he finally came and talked to me about it and said he just wants a break from everything to find out what he really want in life because he doesn’t know.

I never saw any of this coming and he basically needs a break from us as well. He just needs time to think and get everything straight because as far as he knows he doesn’t know where his future is going to go.

He says he still loves me and I know he does. It hurt him to even tell me because he knows how in love with him I am. He said he is just unsure about everything and this isn’t him. he said he just basically needs time to get his life in order. He said he is so unsure about his future that he doesn’t even know about us, and he doesn’t know why he is feeling this way. I told him I didn’t understand because he loves me and doesn’t want to break up, but wants to be with me sometimes and not others is hard to understand.

I kind of do in a way because he seriously needs to get his life in order…and figure out what he wants…

Any suggestions?

Steph / February 14th, 2010, 9:22 pm / #

Great article. Needs a spell check for credibility though, it says “our married” where it should say “are married”

Emmalee / February 21st, 2010, 8:07 pm / #

ive been on a break from my girlfriend of 2 and a half years for the last 13 days and its been very hard. She initiated the break which i accepted. Everything has been perfect between us or so it seemed and then this happened. we talked for over 3 hours one evening about this and the break happened. From what she said to me, she doesnt know what she wants anymore, works stressing her out and she is on the wrong pill (changing it v soon) i know there are a few things i havent done as i should have, she wants to move to the city to be close to work and friends and ive always been like im not up for it as ive had work problems and money issues.

I told her that i have never properly thought about it and i would move to the city with her but she said she would like that but only do it for me! confusing!

she lived in the city when we first met and then 7 months she moved back to her parents near me, she says she did it for me and now im thinking that she is looking for some commitment from me about the city?

she is scared right now, she has told me that, im 26 and she is 24 and she says there are things she wants to do before she gets to older and totally committed, ie kids marriage etc!

i said to her i would give her time and space to work things out and that im not going anywhere and wouldnt contact her which i didnt but the first week she txt me every day just random messages which threw me off track a bit! my dad went into hospital recently and i was very worried and without thinking i txt her saying i didnt know who else to talk to, she called me and sounded worried. right now she is still asking how my dad is via txt and i dont know if she is worried about me and my dad or just giving me pity, which is not what i want!

Im worried a bit because i asked her if anything had changed in the last 12 days and she said “i think some things have changed for me” now i jumped to conclusions and thought oh she wants out now and doesnt love me but im not sure what she means after calming, can anyone fill me in?

I said to her today that i will give her as much time as she needs and that im not going anywhere and i know what we have is worth fighting for.

Have i done the right things so far? what would you suggest?

its just s hard because i love her so much and couldnt bear to lose her, she isnt just my girlfriend, she is my best friend and im sure “the one”

if anyone has any input on this, please do comment, id really appreciate it!

Jay / February 23rd, 2010, 4:01 am / #

my boyfriend and i have been going out for every little. 4 months. everything was perfect until this last monday that i found a cigar pack in his car and didn’t confront him in person. i texted him asking about them and he said they were his even tho he had told me he hadn’t smoked since 2 years ago. i got really mad and told him that it wasn’t the cigars that got to me anymore it was the thing that he lied to me that hurt me. he said y i was making it such a big deal that he was just human but it really did hurt me. he told me i had to mature and fix my problems before i criticized his. the next day i texted him and he said we needed a “break” and since then i have been confused. i feel empty in a strange way. numb kind of. i can’t stop thinking of him and i’m scared im going to lose him because one of the last things i told him was o promise he wasn’t going to break up with me and he had he couldn’t promise me anything. now i haven’t slept right and i want to cry every minute. yesterday was day 1. i texted him good night in hopes of getting one back but i didn’t. i’ve been having nightmares that wake me up in the middle of the night. i’ve been distracting myself texting my best friend but i just can’t doit. i feel lost in this. i read the article and it kind of relieved me a little but im still scared and anxious. please help me i need as much advice as possible. i don’t want to lose him. i love him even though he wasn’t said he loves me back.
Thank you so much.

Faby / February 26th, 2010, 3:58 am / #

I’ve been dating this guy for about 8 months (long distance). We met twice, I met his family and friends…and they seem to be nice people. We talk everyday over the phone and on his days off, we chat online. He’s always open with me and tells me that he loves me. I love him more than anything in this world, but I just dont like the fact that he goes to strip clubs :( It just kills me deep inside when I think about what he might be doing there. Like am I not enough for him that he needs to go and look at naked women? I told him that I didnt like the fact that he goes there. I do appreciate him being honest and telling me about it instead of hiding it but I just dont like that. He got upset and said that this is a guy thing, we like to fool around sometimes…and that there’s nothing wrong with it. He doesnt like the fact that Im not open minded about this and he doesnt want to be with someone who is close minded… He argued for a while and said he had to go. He called me back and told me that he didnt mean to sound like an ass hole but he thinks that we just need to take a break and that he will contact me when he’s in a better mood or I could call him if Im in a better mood. I dont know what to do :( I love him to death and I just cant see myself without him. Today is Day 1 and I feel like a living dead. I cant eat, I cant sleep. All I do is cry. I want to be strong but its not working, I end up crying. I cried all night and when I woke up in the morning, I had tears in my eyes again. Some body help plz help :( what do I do?

Tina / February 26th, 2010, 4:01 am / #

I agree with one of the comments posted above; sometimes taking a break from your partner can be beneficial if you talk to each other too much. In the beginning of our relationship about a year ago, we couldn’t get enough of each other; now it’s the same old thing and we text each other way too much. I’ve decided to put the cell phone away and wait until he’s ready to reach out (usually since I text him more than he does, which is probably where problems started) to me again. We still hang out every week, but texting is very limited and we don’t discuss emotional things over social networking sites since miscommunication is very possible.

It was really hard for both of us at first, but it’s really helping a lot. Now we make specific times our time to be together. The cell phone is off, computers are shut down, and we just spend time alone together. We also like to change up what we do: one week we go bowling, the next skating, movies, going out for a walk, etc…just so that we don’t get bored of each other.

It’s hard, but it works.

Elisabeth / March 1st, 2010, 11:45 pm / #

i was being too needy and pushy with my boyfriend telling him that he is nt showing me enough love calling me as frequent as i want etc especially that he just got a new job and he is busy with his first month working there.
from wednesday till saturday i was fighting with him none stop and saturday i did it in front of his best friend that came for a 3 days visit. thus on sunday he did not call me all day until he called telling me that he cant take this anymore and that he needs his space (a break) and he doesnt know if we may get back together again.
i had cancer 8 months ago and he was there for me all the way taking care of me and am his first love. he is amazing in all aspects of the relationship.i love him and ready to change drastically!
do u think we will be back together?

hjk / March 2nd, 2010, 7:40 am / #

hey going throught a break for 2 weeks nw it is painful.

Neoh / March 4th, 2010, 8:36 pm / #

My boyfriend of 3 years broke up. He told me that he felt if he didn’t end things, then our relationship would be broken completely and that we just need some “healthy time apart”. He still wants to be friends and hasn’t lost feelings for me and we actually got lunch today. He has a lot going on and some big events coming up that could be really hard to deal with and he thinks that if we can get through this together even as friends, then we will be stronger together. I asked him if he has hope and wants us to be together again or is it completely over and he said he honestly thinks this is what we need in order to find ourselves again. I really think that if he truly didn’t want to be with me again and if he had no hope for us, then he wouldn’t care to be friends or waste his time telling me things that he really didn’t feel (he’s a very blunt person). I also feel like he’s keeping me around and close until after he finds out what happens with his “big event” (which could end up good or bad). Yes, we have had a lot of problems in our relationship lately and I agree that staying together could cause us to be broken and hate each other and he atleast cares enough about our relationship to stop it where it’s at and be friends in order to build or trust and go back into it being refreshed. I guess what I’m trying to ask is has anyone been through a similiar situation or know someone who has and have gotten through hard times and were stronger when they got back together? Does it sound like he really wants it to be over or is just hoping that this will make us stronger in the end?

Lisa / March 10th, 2010, 3:59 am / #

*sigh* Well, On Sunday March 7th, my girlfriend of almost two years told me that she thinks it’s a good idea for us to take a break. She said she needs to do some soul-searching and figure out what she wants. I’m really devastated but I know that this will be better in the end. I’m a Virgo and she is an Aries. I know we are totally opposites however, opposites attract and I really feel like we will be back together because we were so great together. She really has made me realize a lot and I know I’ve made her realize a lot. I honestly feel like she is the one and only one for me. I don’t have ANY desire to go and date anyone because I was with the one girl that is meant for me. And I’m willing wait for her because she is worth it. I know she will realize what we had together was amazing and she knows I’m waiting for her return. She is the only one who will make me happy and I’m not going to give up on what we had. I’m more in love with her even more so. Recently, before this happened she met this girl name Brenna. From the start, I kind of figured she liked her but my girl wasn’t sure if she would date. Well, I know now that she is more likely going to try it out with her. Ugh…it hurts me so so bad, but I know this is for her to realize what we had together. Me and my girl, are now best friends, but for me I feel like it’s still a relationship. I’m constantly thinking about everything she said and thinking what she’s doing throughout the day. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that we will be with Brenna but I’m pretty much feel like their not going to last long because of the fact that their pretty much the same person and also Aries & Cancer really don’t work in relationships. So I’m not so worried but it’s the fact that what I shared with my girl is now going to be shared with someone else. I’m just really trying to let go and pray for her return to my arms soon. I’m really figuring that it be better that we were back together when we are living out on our own that way its a fresh start in our relationship. I am happy though that we are Best Friends because I know I would rather have her as a friend then not at all & also because with that there is a chance that we’ll be back together. I love her with all my heart & soul and I know she will realize that she wants to be back with me. I pretty much know because I know her so well. Whether or not she wants to admit it…I know she’s meant to be with me forever. I strongly believe that you don’t have to keep dating one person after another when you realize you were with the one you want, you know that one person is meant for you. I felt strongly that when I first met my girl, a voice popped in my mind that basically told me “She’s the one and only one for me”…so I’m just trying to take this a day at a time and give her space and as much as it hurts me to know that she’s going to date Brenna, I know it’s for her to realize what she really wants, which is me. I’m a strong Virgo, and once a Virgo realizes that there is a certain person they want to be with, they will wait for that person to come around…and I know that my girl, Amber, is wait so worth waiting for.
I LOVE YOU, Amber…with all my heart and I so can’t wait till we’re back together. It’s going to be so much stronger. ~Brie~

Brie / March 13th, 2010, 2:42 am / #

I had the same issue with your guys. My BF and I have been dating about 7 years. He was 100% in love with in the first three years, and I was not serious in love with him at that time. The next three and half year was very bad. we had fights and argument. Most fights and argument were stuipd. Nothing was fundamental. This year is on the 7 years of our dating. He told me that he is confused of loving me as a person or loving me as a friend. Our relationship is going nowhere just stay as a routine. I have a problem with focusing on my studying. I try to take my CPA exam which I dream with my whole life. Our relationship really drags me down. I told him yesterday that we needed some time off to redefine ourself and think about whether he or I really love each other. I really don’t want to take a time off, but what you get do it when we have no spark and fire together. just so sad… I don’t know if the time off really works… just see what happened?

JZ / March 20th, 2010, 12:10 am / #

my girlfriend has not had sex with me since before 11/14/2006 when i went to hospital.i have some health problems after that.but,i still ask.no is the answer……………signed up tight and sexually dissatified.

lonely for / March 21st, 2010, 1:07 pm / #

My girlfriend just ended things with me recently, indefinitely. Her father is ill with terminal brain cancer and she just says that it is too much to be in a relationship right now. I understand her situation, definitely. The hardest part about it is that we love eachother so much, I’d do anything for her. There was nothing wrong with me or any defective thing in the relationship, it was just too much emotional stress for her. We have an agreement not to talk for a while, I plan to call her in about a month and a half to see how things are going. I had literally become a member of her family. I loved to provide care to her father and I know that both of her parents thought of me as a son. It’s an excruciating thought to think that our separation could be indefinite, we both just don’t know. I hope things are a little clearer when I get in touch with her again, at least I can know a little more clearly what our future will look like. Until then, I’m just full of tears and a chest-stabbing pain. I think that the greatest love I can show her is to respect her wish, and just be away for right now. god…

Patrick / March 23rd, 2010, 8:46 am / #

Hi everyone, I am currently on a break from my bfnd, and we’ve been together for 1.5 yrs.It was his choice. The first couple of days really sucked, I was numb, I couldn’t eat or sleep,get out of bed and I had this constant heaviness in my chest. But then I realised, this isn’t just an opportunity for him to realise his feelings, but its an opportunity for me as well. In the past couple of months I’ve been very stressed from exams, family drama etc. and kind of liked pushed everyone away. But this ‘break’ has given me a kick in the right direction. I’m finally searching for a career that I will enjoy, setting my self life goals and letting these motivate me to go on day by day. I’ve cut out all junk food from my diet and feel miles better for it. And I plan to join the gym soon.

This is day 5, and I would be lying if I didn’t say that I’m missing him and still love him. But the break has let me do a lot of thinking, and now I realise where we were going wrong, and how we can make our r’ship stronger. Love alone will not make a r’ship work. Communication, understanding and trust are all necessary.

I plan to ring my ‘bfnd’ in the next couple of days, and see if he is ready to talk. I’ll explain my thoughts to him and hopefully, he will want to give us another chance. If not, there’s nothing much I can do apart from focus on myself. Remember, if you don’t look yourself first, no-one else will.

I hope this gives everyone else going through the same thing the strength to go on and realise, breaks can be a positive thing as well. Right now, I believe that my bfnd is the one. But I am also a strong believer in destiny and God, and I believe he has a plan for each and everyone of us. Whatever happens, just trust in Him, and know that He is doing the best for you.

Just one more thing, girls don’t you hate it when men turn around and say you’re needy. Girls if you want a man and feel like you have to push him to try and work at the r’ship, don’t ever feels that you’re needy. Females have an in-built nature to love and nurture, and 99.9% of females feel fulfilled from getting married and having a family, because this is what nature tells them to do. ‘Needy’ is just the term men use for this.

Anon85 / March 26th, 2010, 12:54 am / #

Please help me, I am desperate.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years. It’s a long distant relationship. She lives in UK and I live in Croatia. Also, she is 12 years older than me. My parents don’t know about this relationship because I’m gay.

Our relationship is a fairy tale one. She is the most perfect girlfriend ever. If someone has the picture of a perfect girlfriend in their mind, that would be her. Of course, it is hard, since it’s a long distance thing, but we see each other pretty often. In fact, we are going on a holiday together next week.

I’ve never been in a long relationship before (the longest was like one month).
She is all I ever wanted. She makes me truly happy, she makes me laugh. She loves me unconditionally. And I love her.

It all started a month ago. We were talking as usual and then I went to bed. Everything was normal. And then it hit me: what if I don’t love her anymore?! And that was it. I started having panic attacks, I started being physically sick. I threw up, couldn’t stop shaking, had diarhea.
This went on for a couple of days until I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to see a therapist. She told me that it’s not the relationship itself a problem, but that all other problems are reflecting my relationship because it’s the only certain and firm thing in my life. She told me it’s all stress. I do have difficult exams on my University and other normal problems that a 25 year old has. I was happy when she told me it will be fine. She gave me antidepressants if the panic attacks should come back.

I was fine for a week. And then I had another appointment with the therapist two weeks ago. She told me I don’t need any therapy. That I was fine.
And since that day, my panic attacks started coming back. When I do have them, I take my “happy” pill, and it calms me physically, but the mess in my head is still there. I keep thinking what if I don’t love my girlfriend anymore. Deep down in my heart I know I love her. I love her more than anything, no doubt about that. But my mind somehow doesn’t act accordingly.

I try and try and try telling myself it’s all in my head. But those thoughts just won’t go away. I know I love her, because if I didn’t I wouldn’t feel that way. It scares the hell out of me the thought of hurting her, the thought of losing her. I don’t wanna have to live without her, I can’t imagine my life without her.

What am I to do??
And yesterday I thought about taking a break. (After the trip, of course).
But I am sooo scared. What if she finds someone else?? And what’s scaring me the most is, what if I realize I that i can’t do this anymore?
Oh my God, just the thought of it makes me sick again.
I don’t want to lose her. She is my everything. But I also can’t live with those thoughts constantly in my head.

Could please someone reply to me and tell me if a break should be the right thing to do? She doesn’t deserve any of it and this drives me crazy.
Deep down I know she is the one. I want to spend my life with her. I really do. But how do I get those thoughts out of my head??

Has anyone felt like that?
Please, I beg you. Tell me what am I to do?

Thanks in advance.

Andy / April 1st, 2010, 5:49 pm / #

seems like we all have same problem. everybody who is in a relationship goes through it. i had been through it and it had been really hard for me. nor could i sleep, nor could i eat, nor could i get out of the bed. i could not even concentrate on my studies. my bf and i always argued and fought. when we first dated, he was all into me, but i wasn’t very fond of him (wasn’t really attracted to him). but he was a very nice guy, humble, simple, responsible, caring, and was very fond of me. he complained of me not showing enough attention towards him. however, later he won my heart. i was more interested in his personality and the person he is more than how he looks and all. we moved in together and one day i caught him lying to me. and all the problems started from that day. if i ever catch somebody lying, i have a very hard time to trust that person again. i do not blame him for all the problems and the fights now. i was not happy with my life. i was very stressed with my school and also very stressed about the financial crisis my family was facing. so, when i find him lying or doing something that i dislike, i get easily provoked. when i confront with him about his lies, he would not admit and instead would always focus on defending himself. i hated that even more. so, again we would get into fight and i would become very violent and angry. it was very tiresome for me. it drained out all my energy and i would nowhere be able to focus on my school. our fights continued and he started getting distant from me. he would not talk to me the way he did nor would he try to spend time with me. he work 5 days and two nights he attend his classes. on weekends we would always go to his parents house. i would feel dead lonely because my family is nowhere near me. they are far in other country. i believe it is not easy to always maintain a happy relationship. we have different minds and different thoughts, so sometimes it is normal that our view clash and it is natural to get into fight. but you can’t judge the person from his one mistake. we also have to take into account all the good things the person must have done to us. i wanted to make everything go allright. but he wouldn’t listen. we were not as close as we were before. then one day, i became pregnant unexpectedly. i was even more stressed. i became severely depressed. he was not supportive emotionally until when i was extremely ill to be admitted into the hospital. i have seen alot and been through alot. but the pain in the heart is not different from all of yours. i took a break from him one month. i went away to stay with my uncle who lives in another state. i came back and this time, i was all tired of the fights and the unhappiness. eventhough i still loved him, i started ignoring him. we still live in the same room, but i don’t act like i need him. i don’t act desperate, nor do i demand for any kind of attention or anything from. i just let him be on his own and let him do whatever he wishes. obviously, that doesn’t include talking or seeing other girls. he also loves me that i know. if that was so, i would not even care to be back with him and live in the same house. its because i care about us and i want us to work out. its just a strategy that i’m applying. you know the proverb, “if you love somebody, let them go. if he/she loves you back, they will always come back. if he/she doesn’t return, he/she was never yours.” i have no doubt that he loves me. we are on our own now. but we are still nice to each other. this break has helped me learn the mistakes that i have been doing and his weakness in communicating in a bad situation. he is a good person but he’s not strong and tough enough to face the fights and downs of relationship. he easily gives up. am the one tying him down to this and ofcourse if he didn’t care enough he would be bothered to be tied down. this is a long story and i can write on and on. so , i will stop here. the point is, it is very natural what we are feeling and its is very tough, but we will all get over it. break is good. it will make you and your partner realize what you want from life. if your partner doesn’t want you, no matter how you want that person to be with you, you can’t force him or her to be with you. so, the best thing is in respecting each others need. loving is giving but not expecting in return. it is about making the other person happy. if the other person is happy, you will benefit from it. your fight will be less intense. now beware, there are people who unconsciously take advantage of your goodness and kindness. that time, you need to talk with the partner and bring him or her to the right direction without judging or showing any anger.
today am happy. i have learnt to grow strong and stay independent without being overly attached to anybody. be yourself . just know that everything in the world is not permanent considering the fact that we are not. we all know that death is certain and the time is uncertain. so, why waste your time brooding over one person. there are so many things in the world to cherish. look around you. the trees, the people, the colors, the mountains, the buildings, the buses and the cars, the noises, the sky and the nature. look around you people. you cannot stay in one place and focus all your attention on one person. the world is vast , the sky is vast. open your heart and set yourself free from the burden of emotions. be happy. love you all and pray that you all find happiness! : )

hope / April 4th, 2010, 1:07 am / #

..My girlfriend just suggested this. She has been acting a bit strange since the past week, and has even found a new guy friend to confide everything in. I have been a bit too overprotective and question her too much, so I see it as only natural that she would want to leave me.

But a break right now scares me. A few months ago, she had left me for another older guy, then came running back when he left. After apologizing and saying she would never do it again, I take her back and find her email full of messages they had been exchanging. Confessing that she did not know how to deal with it, she changed and became a happier person. She was filled with energy and love and came to suggest marriage because I had shown her love so many times before. I slowed her down and explained that it was enormous step that shouldn’t be taken so lightly.

Now, she says we need a break and she is hanging with her new guy friend, I trust her and want her to show me that she is not what others call her (Easy, Cheater, etc.).

I will admit that I am afraid of her leaving me. But I believe that if you love something, set it free. If it returns, it is yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it never was.

Silver / April 5th, 2010, 1:37 pm / #

Hello. I have been on a break with my girlfriend for about 21 days ( I know everyone counts, so do I) anyway, these past three weeks have been the hardest three weeks I have ever endured. I have known her for about three years now and we have been on and off for the first year or so but we have been so steady for almost a year and a half. One major thing that she told me was that I smothered her too much and she felt crowded with me always around. I know that I felt that she wanted to see me all the time (she texted me and told me) so I always came down to visit. It was even on my choice all the time. The weekend would come rolling around and I would drive down to visit her and see her all weekend. Even sometimes I would go down in the middle of the week or even on some late nights, just so she had someone to cuddle up with. She said that she misses me when ‘m not there so I always make my schedule around her so I can see her as much as possible.
I know now she’s almost done with her first year of school and she really hasn’t gone out that much, like to parties and such. I think that she felt crowded with me around because she didn’t really have that many friends at school. Now I know she has more than I do on a daily basis. She always tells me that she will return when she “finds herself” and knows what she wants to do. It’s been three weeks and I try to keep as much communication down with her as possible, because that is what she wants. Her birthday is tomorrow and well, you guessed it, I bought her presents and such and idk how to give them to her. Should I wait? Should I call? What do I do about this? By the way, she lives like rock throwing distance from me when I’m at home, so its going to be hard not to see her. Anyway, I’m just scared that she will fall in love with another person before this school year is over and will want nothing to do with me over the summer. By the way we work with each other during the summer lifeguarding, seeing each other every day and such. So, right now I am scared of what to do with our relationship, idk what to do, where to go, or how to go about it. I want to mend this together s bad but I have no clue how to. Any suggestions? –Dustin B.

Dustin B. / April 8th, 2010, 1:14 am / #

My gf and I feel that we are spending too much time together and that its affecting our relationship so we have decided to take a break for a little while I just want to know how long this break should last we are still going to talk but as friends for now

hoper / April 8th, 2010, 10:12 pm / #

Reading the above entries gives me hope and lets me feel like I am not alone. After nearly two years, it was me who decided to take the break and even though it was my decision I have been in tears for the last 3 days and feel as if my heart has been ripped out. I feel and know that my bf has been using alcohol as a crutch to deal with his challenges and his anger. Although he was never violent it was too much of an emotional roller coaster to be with him when he had too much to drink and I was always was the recipient of his bad behaviour. The 2nd last time it happened, I told him that if it were to happen again he either had to get help or I would leave. On Monday, things got carried away again and I caught him at a pub talking to a woman instead of coming home to his place where he had asked me to stay the night. Everything of course blew up. When we finally talked the next evening I said that I needed a break. Thankfully, he told me that he doesn’t want to lose me, that he can’t imagine his life without me and that he loves me. He has also said that he will talk to someone to begin healing. He was calm and not defensive and I felt truly sorry for making me feel the way I feel and for hurting me. I hope that what he says is true…and that he is taking the time to get help and find himself. He is the most amazing, loving, caring person that I have met and I choose him, I choose him to love, to share my life with and to have a family with. I can’t bear the thought of not being with him and not talking or seeing him for a few days is killing me. My only strength is that we need this time to grow…even me. I know that the process will be long and slow and don’t expect him to go at it alone, but I know that the first few steps have to be his responsibility. I need for him to be the strong, confident and loving man that I know he can be. I hope that we will have the amazing, happy relationship I know that we can have. Our break is indefinite but it’s hard because we have several paid trips planned for the next couple of months. We said that the next time we connect would be when he texted or called me to say that he had gone to see the counselor for the first time. I know that won’t be enough for us to get back together but I can’t wait till that time because at least we can then chat on the phone. I hope that it happens sooner rather than later. I love him with all of my heart and can’t imagine being without him. I’ve never thought to post my experience before….but if it helps me or someone else going through the same thing then it would be worth it.

I hope that the deep physical pain from inside of me subsides and slowly with time I find the energy to go back to the gym and be healthy and happy when he is ready to take first steps. I love you CB!

SB / April 9th, 2010, 2:29 pm / #

I don’t know if the break will help. I don’t know whats going to happen…In the back of my mind that does scare me and it hurts, but I have cried all I can over it. So theres really no longer any point for myself I feel in crying about it.
I don’t feel emotionally hurt over it any longer, sure it bums me out and it sucks but I know that if things came to this point to where we are now there was a reason for it. Things heal with time they say and maybe relationships and people can too. I love the man, but I do not want the situation to be unhealthy for the both of us, because no love is so great that is should be something that hurts. If him and I are going to be together than in time that will happen. I was scared at first to really give that a chance because it is so unknown but now I realize there is no other way.
Even if I do lose him through all of this and he loses me, it will have been worth the chance of taking it rather than not…. Because for all the people who have written here in response to this article it will either work or it wont and you know what, whether or not it does, you can only know you tried, you felt and you learned from it. Hopefully for the better.
There will always be another person if you allow another person to step into your life. Yes, those real connections you have with some come and go and are hard to find. But we all need the time to heal and the time to move on… And in the mean time we all need to live for ourselves, not someone else.

I do know that things for myself with the person I was with couldn’t continue on the way they were. Simply for the fact that it was not only hurting him, it was hurting myself and it was hurting the goals each of us have as people. I spent a good five months thinking about taking a break before taking the action to do it…
It does seem at some point in time everyone needs a break whether it be from work, school, unforseen situations or eachother. I don’t know why I am writing this or submitting it, but I feel because you take a break doesn’t mean things should be the end all be all, sure they suck, but you have the power to make the best of it and make it a positive thing. Or you can mope and not fix anything. Taking a break is taking time to work on yourself as an individual and get to where you need to be. If both of you agree this is what is needed, then I think there is the ability to salvage something as you will spend the time apart actually working on yourself and not worrying about the other person or whats going to happen.

Taking a break is a time of self realization and being able to focus on yourself. Use it in a constructive and positive way. When and if you and your partner get back together you probably will work even better as a couple and grow stronger together because you grew stronger as individuals and the both of you realize thats what you need sometimes to get where your going.

And you know if the other person does end up with someone else then they do, move on and allow yourself to move on, because if you don’t you are letting someone get the best of you and no one should get that besides yourself…

I think I just realized what I need to do in saying that.

You only get out of it what you put in it.
Go big or go home
and its a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll.

From California / April 10th, 2010, 1:44 am / #

Hey there, I’m so glad to have found this page.

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year. And just today we’ve decided to take a break.

It was more of a 70% from him and 30% from me.

He told me he has a lot on his mind for his business. He’s doing MLM by the way. He really believes in it. And now he has no choice but to work because his dad left the family, leaving him to be the only breadwinner of the house as his mom is too old to work and his brother is still in school.

I’m starting school next week. I was out of school for about a year. I spent every day of it together with him. And so you could’ve guessed that on my part, I grew very dependent on him.

To be honest, I get easily annoyed over the slightest thing. Like, say, if he were to not meet me for a day because of work I’d be annoyed. But it’s not really directed at him; more on the situation. more on the fact that I wouldn’t be with him.

OK so that aside, there’s this other girl in his MLM business. He finds her rather attractive. They went for a team building camp together just a couple of days ago and they were in the same group. I asked him this morning if he likes her. And well, his answer was a “50/50″. And he said like doesn’t mean love… But how I am supposed to be appeased by that? He spends most of the time at work.

I told him to promise me that he wouldn’t fall for her. He thought about it for a rather long time and said “How do you not fall in love with a person?”. He said he’ll do his best but he doesn’t think it’ll happen.

I’m totally up for a break. But I’m scared that if we do take that break, he would fall in love with her. And I’d be crushed :(

We have a pact – To meet on the 12th of August 2010 and discuss if we are ready to get back together. I just hope we would.

Anyone please give me some words of encouragement.

Thanks

Demi / April 12th, 2010, 1:45 pm / #

First off, thank you so much for this article. I just recently decided to take a break in my relationship with my partner. We have been together about 14 months and overtime I began to grow tired of feeling neglected by him. He would be close and intimate with me for a bit and then unexpectedly pull away from me without notice and we would go weeks/months without being intimate. I truly fell in love with him and still love him as I type and I’m petrified at the thought of being without him but this emotional roller coaster has really taken its toll on my feelings. Where I would usually go running back head first into his arms, now I’m not so willing to do that and its not something I consciously decided to do, my heart is not running back to him and I don’t know why. I am not without faults but I want to know I have someone that can love me as much as I love them, someone that can meet me half way. We all have bad days or even weeks but it has really tore me up when it felt like I was single for months at a time. I decided that a break is what I needed but Im scared to death at what my decision will be. When I told him that I was thinking of moving on he immediately started to change because he was afraid that he would lose me. I appreciate that, but at times it seems like he’s just doing this until I get comfortable and open with him again and then once I am open to him again he leaves me feeling emotionally abandoned for months on end. I can’t go through that again but I still love him and he says that he finally sees that he has to make more of an effort. I don’t know what to do. I’m hoping this break makes this clear to me but right now I just don’t know.

Brandon / April 15th, 2010, 11:31 pm / #

I’ve never done anything like this before so here we go. I’ve had a great relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years. He rarely fought, argued, we just had a great relationship, until like a month and a half ago, we didn’t seeeach other for amonth because he was busy, and went away. It was so different because we hardly spoke on the phone, due to where he went, and the time difference.
So to make a long story. Short, we were hanging out ( awonderful day) he stepped out and regretful opened his FB account and saw something very disturbing. I mentioned the situation to him and at the end it was all a joke. I’ve always trusted him and don’t know what got over me. We broke up, and after realizing what had happened I apologized and askedhim for us to continue the relationship. A week later he tells me he lost all trust for me and that he needs a break and he can’t get over what I did to him. I can’t even forgive myself for what I did? I asked him if he wants to break up and he said no he just need sometime so the relationship can be refreshed. I am so confusedbecause we were best friends, and the little mistake I made messed up everything. I don’t understand quit frankly what a break is, although I’ve decided to take one, and he’s not discussing much with me so I’ve bee doing research. I just hope that at the end of the “break” our relatiomship can be renewed and he can forgive me, but I don’t know if that is just wishful thinking, but I am soo hurt by the situation and can’t seem to let it go, because I’m soo confused.
Good luck to all of you!

Jessica / April 17th, 2010, 9:12 pm / #

I’ ve been dating my girlfriend for 2 years and 3 month’s our relationship has been unhealthy I have been a bit too overprotective and question her too much. i really really love her so much she means the world for me. this is a bit strange but when we have sex you know i am into it but for some reason she always wants what she wants in bed but when i want something she doesnt do it. what does this mean? My girlfriend just suggested this, that we take a break because we argue and i am always calling her where she’s at she tells me i bug but i dont maybe im wrong but the reason why i call her its because she doesnt tell where she’s at so i care about her. so when i call her many times shes get mad because she feels that she’s stranded or example
” i am blocking her” like if i don’t want her to do anything in her part like her going with her girlfriend’s or other places do you know what i mean? maybe i am maybe i am wrong and i got her frustrated and that’s why shes like this. i am very heart broken i told her that it was obvious that our relationship wasn’t happy and unhealthy so she called it out telling me she needed a break She told me she was gonna call me??? what should i do if time passes by should i wait for her phone call or should i drop by her house and drop a red rose without any letters or name on it that way she wont know who is it i don’t know what i am saying i really need help please. i need suggestions i cant sleep my heads going krazy cant talk always thinkable. Another thing i told her that what the diffrence between breaking up an taking a break!!! she said taking a break is not going out to party no dating n other stuff and breaking up want she telling me she doesnt love me and she wont call me and look for me. so i ask you what are the diffrences between taking a break and breaking up???? i really want to call her but i cant i dont want to mess it up we took some time off 4/18/2010 on sunday its very hard i love her and i need to change im very serious what things can i do to change? what will she be expecting from me once time passes by? what is the time i should wait for this break? all this was my fault and i regret it. i am 24 years old shes 21 years old and but i remember one time she has told me she wanted to be serious. if guys can please email me or something it would be nice. also another thing our sex has been extremely sexual in the past but now its she turns me off not doing things i tell her…..daym im obsessed with her not because of sex but because of who she is and she’s always been there for ups or downs..my god i feel like my head is gonna blow up i want to see her.

a few days ago i wanted to call her to see where she was at? she told me she was with her bestfriend she was right!!! one night i call her i tell where you at she said im at a party with my mom i said ok fine. i call her again she didnt anwer me the i waited till 2 am i call her again she anwred she sounded she was drunk this happened 4/17/2010 she called in the morning i didnt anwer he calls because i wanted to let her feel how it feels to be waiting for a phone call….so guys what do you think about this story ????? please let me know what you think thank you.

Jacob / April 20th, 2010, 8:32 am / #

I have recently decided to take a break away from my Bf. Idk, I’ve been thinking a lot lately and it seems like change in a relationship is inevitable. It suck that in the beginning we were so in love an now, we cant stop fighting. I notice myself becoming more and more agitated by him and the S*** he says, does, and thinks. I do feel that he’s the one for me, but I know I need my time way from him. So I brought this up to a close male friend. He said that a break is the worst thing I could do to him- that it’s, “…like you don’t wanna let him go, but you don’t want him near you.” Am I wrong to do this? I just need my space to regain the happiness we once had. Does anyone have advice for me?

Emiliana / April 22nd, 2010, 12:35 am / #

Well, I have been dating a wonderful man for the last 8 months. Except he hasn’t been acting so wonderfully any more. We have been fighting constantly over his family; they don’t like me, and at this point, I don’t really like them. It was over his birthday, which does sound stupid, but, basically he promised to spend his birthday with me and then ended up spending it with his family when his mom pressured him. We are both 27. His best friend sent me a message on my own birthday telling me that we don’t need to be “buddy buddy.” I don’t think his family or his best friend think that I am good enough for him. I am college-educated, hardworking and pretty enough. BUT, he hasn’t brought home anyone in 3 years, so I think they got used to having him on their terms. (Obviously this is the short version of the situation/events.) After we celebrated my birthday last week, he informed me that he wanted to take a break. It has been four days…I am not calling him or emailing him; I am trying to have enough discipline to leave him alone. He feels that taking a break is the last way to save this relationship…that maybe we can relearn what drew us to the other in the first place. I don’t know what will happen, but I don’t know that I want to be involved with someone whose family makes it clear that they don’t like me. They never include me in things, and that’s why I fought so hard over his birthday…he’s my boyfriend, of course I would want to be involved in celebrating his birthday!!! I am preparing myself for him to come back to me and tell me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore (his family’s acceptance means more to him than his own feelings for me.) All I can do is take care of myself and believe that everything happens for a reason.

Nadine / April 22nd, 2010, 10:15 pm / #

I am on the 4th day of my break, and i was the one who decided to take the break since my partner has been always used to have me around for granted.
He’s a kind of a person who ENJOYS following, and hates being followed.
Few days ago, i knew he was crying and depressed over things that i don’t know about, but i decided not to interfere, becuz a break is a break, and there’s no point in being there in the time you are most needed to be away.

A break doesn’t mean that I stopped loving him, on the contrary, i love him now more than ever, but even in love, there’s something called common sense and reason, add to that: DIGNITY.

Sometimes we need to show are absence to some people in order to make them feel the meaning of the loss of our presence.
A break should maximally be 3 months, not more… you can show around every two weeks or so, but never ever take the first step to reconcile things.

George / April 25th, 2010, 6:31 pm / #

this is weird. never done this before but not sure where else to look for advice. ive been with my bf for 4 years. we are together every weekend because we live a little under an hour away. he was acting fine last weekend telling me he isnt going anywhere and he loves me more than anything…. the works. he has gotten me several promise rings, and promised me the world. he then three days later tells me he needs a break. he says he still loves me and it would kill him to see me with another guy. so i ask myself, why does he want a break. i have let him have his space and it has been 4 days now. i havent contacted him WHATSOEVER. i know i have been very clingy, texting and calling a lot during the day. he says that i get mad whenever he goes out and always asks who he is with. i may be a bit paranoid, but those arent my intentions at all. i ask who hes with, to tell them i said hi and where hes going because im just starting converstaion. he called me everyday before work and bed. i am completely confused and im terrified he will call and tell me hes done. i dont thinkk all these years amazing moments we have had together are worth just throwing away without trying to work things out. what should i do? and how long should i wait?

mel / April 27th, 2010, 7:34 am / #

Sometimes your partner merely requires breathing space to reassess their life and doing so whilst in a relationship just isn’t possible for them. It doesn’t particularly imply that it is anything to do with you personally, majority of the time they just need time to reflect on external factors that may be putting a strain on the relationship itself.

Other times, a break can simply be a cowardly way for a man or woman to break up with the person they’re dating… Because if you think about it… If you and your partner are already experiencing difficulties in your relationship for example you may be having a long distance relationship… or you simply feel disconnected from your partner. To throw a ‘break’ in to the mix- how does that resolve anything??

Not only are you are putting further distance between yourself and your partner. Even if you both realise that this is no longer what you both want and get back together. You will still inevitably encounter the same problems as you did before and may actually end up breaking up altogether… for good.

In my humble opinion, a break, only works if both parties genuinely want the relationship to work, the person requesting the break is given space and guidelines are set. Going on a ‘break’ as awful as it seems isn’t always such a bad thing as I have found from my own personal experience. It can be taken as a time to re-discover yourself and find out who you are, what you want, and where they fit in your life, if at all. Not only that but it is an opportunity for you to engage in new experiences or activities rather than wallow in self pity, fear and insecurity from waiting for your partner to decide what it is, they want…

Having time apart not only helps to build a healthier bond between you and your partner; you would now be able to give your relationship if you do reconcile the effort and attention it needs.

Most importantly a break can be beneficial because some couples just need to be reminded of the love that they once shared with their partner and as they say: ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’…

This i have found with me and my boyf…. me and my bof have never argued or had lil fights or anything like that.. in fact we are higly compatible.. it was mainly to do with external factors e.g him having a new job, me studying and the long distance btw us. He suggested we go on a break or break up but i just decided to cease all contact altogether which has been one of the best things i could have done for both of us to make us both relaise how much we mean to the other… we have been on a break for a month n half now and i do intend to end the break soon but sometimes the person in the r/ship who is told by their partner (me) that they want a break should not jump immediately to take them back. i would suggest to a certain degree give it a bit longer and allow the person to experience what it feels like to potentially be without you and allow them to miss you… :)

naomi / April 27th, 2010, 10:20 am / #

my gf has decided to take a break cause she wasnt happy with this relationship and now she doesnt want to be friends. i love her to death and i gave her everything she wanted and now im confuse. but i get it now she jus might not love me or things have jus turn bad in the relationship.

fernando / April 28th, 2010, 2:23 am / #

I think me and my bf need to take a break. We have been together for 8 years and live together with family. IDK how to even do this. I don’t want to and if I did, where would he live? Either way, this is getting to be too much for me. I love him and only him, I know this, and I know he loves me too… but it’s like we are stuck in a never-ending cycle, like we are not progressing… I feel like I am trying to do eveything, and he is not helping at all… yet procliams that his life and what he does is so much more important and time consuming than mine, which is just flat out not true. I’m strating to look at him differently, I am not his mother and he is not my child, and he is older than me…. so he needs to start helping. When one person gets boggled down with the task of EVERYTHING, they are bound to break, and I am. We need to, I just don’t know how. I mean, he would literally have no where to go…

SP / April 30th, 2010, 11:25 pm / #

Hi, i really need help, i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and he told me he was bored and didnt no if he loved me anymore and said that he doesnt like relastionships. He said he needed a break and so do i because it feels like i dont love him either so i no this will work. I asked him if i could do anything so i could make him happy but he said its not my fault, its him because he said he has changed, but i think he hasnt. I moan at him all the time for no reason and i think thats why he dont want me anymore. So we agreed to go on a break for a while, but i can not do it, i feel so down about it all the time and get worried and then i start talking to him again and i no that will just ruin our break because it doesnt give us a chance to miss eachother. What can i do, whats happened?

please help me :)

Gemma / May 3rd, 2010, 4:54 pm / #

Hey,

Does anybody have any comments or stories to post AFTER the breakup? I see everyone writing about the first few days or weeks of the breakup, but are there any success stories of couples getting back together and how the breakup was helpful?

Thanks!

Shellzfoshizzle / May 5th, 2010, 2:53 am / #

I have never had a break in my relationship so far. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 and half years now. Our relationship has been rocky and he said he needed a clean break for now. This article helps me a little bit to understand that a break can be a good thing but its already so hard. I am confused and feel empty. Hopefully, as the days pass, I will begin to understand why this break may be important to save our relationship.

Amina Sheikh / May 6th, 2010, 7:31 am / #

Wow…reading some other comments…it’s a comfort to know there are others like going through similar situations.
Here’s my story…3 years ago this April I had been with my partner. Just last night we broke up. It seems that we were fighting alot in our relationship and things were not getting any better. During our discussion, she mentioned taking a break and in my mind I heard breaking up. I lost it. Cried like a banshee cause I don’t see my life without her in it. I love her and she still loves me. When we are together and happy, we together and happy. We have both expressed desire to have each other in our lives. And we can still share laughs when we are together. It just hurts so bad cause I love her so much. I can only hope and plan to take this chance to focus on me. Get to know myself again. I need to handle this break or break up with the mindset to work on me. And getting where I need to be again.
I don’t want to lose my best friend, which is who she is to me. My hope is that over time we will get back together and that our relationship will be stronger and closer because of what we are going through now. But I also know that I can’t focus on that happening to be let down if it doesn’t. Last night and today have been especially rough on me. I have cried so much that my eyes ache. I can’t talk to her without my voice cracking and my eyes get teary. I also found myself looking back on the things I did and how I handled things between us. Alot of our arguing was due to the fact that I feel that she overcommits to things and I am the one that gets cheated out of time with her. And I admited that I don’t handle disappointment well. I would get annoyed when we didn’t spend time together as we had planned.
I attempted to talk with her about the possiblity of getting back together somewhere down the road and she expressed that she feels it would be like putting pressure on her. And I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to mess up any chance or hope that we will get back together over time. I just want her back. I love having her as a best friend and knowing that I can talk with her about things but I know that it’s going to be tough to view us as just friends. But we broke up one time before and got back together a month later. I have made my mind up to contact her a little more during this break and do what I can to remain an active part of her life and she has expressed the same desire. Neither of us want to be mad at the other or place blame. Cause it just happens to people that they grow apart or that they are at different places in their lives. And I feel that is where we are, that she is growing and I am standing still which has put trouble in our relationship.

We have always had good communication between us. and I would love for that to continue. She means alot to me. She is still in my heart.
I just want to get past this pain,this feeling that my heart has a hole in it or that it feels especially heavy. I want to grow and reexamine what I want for my life. And now I have to put up or shut up, so to speak.

Cassandra / May 6th, 2010, 8:55 am / #

I have been with my gf for about 8 months now and I thought everything was fine until she decided she wants a break. We have been argueing abit recently but nothing serious, it was just because she has exams coming up and has to revise aswell as go to work, i have always been supportive of this and give her all the support she needs but also its hard when you cannot see you gf cause she needs to revise and hasnt got time. we have agreed to this break but only until her exam is done, then we can talk and get back together. I just dont understand why she wants a break though,i wasnt that bad and would give her all the space she needed to revise but I would also moan when i couldnt see her. I have told her not to contact me for abit and leave it alone for abit but she still wants to keep in contact with me. I just dont want to lose her, as i am thinking she may not want to get back together after our break

Dave / May 7th, 2010, 5:59 pm / #

Well me and my boyfriend are on a break and im pregnant with his child….im very furious and i believe theres more to what he saying.. he says he wants a break so that he dosent have to think anymore…thats bullshit…im now left with so many feelings emotions and regret…im 20 pregnant and he is all i got

Shay / May 12th, 2010, 11:06 pm / #

hey everyone. my boyfriend and i of almost 3 years just had a major break yesterday… today is day 1. it was difficult waking up and not hearing his voice. he said he needed to find himself and that he just doesn’t know… he said he still loves me.. and is still in love with me… no other girl he sees or likes and flirts with. he said he wants to be able to hang-out with the boys… work on his car during the weekends… race on mountain passes (super dangerous!), he said he never has time…well i feel like he never even has time for me… he works during the weekdays.. from 9am-9pm… sometimes during the weekends as well… he works and hour away from his job… and i think it is the reason why he feels choked… i know it could also be me… but he probably just doesn’t see other factors affecting his mood. he said he doesn’t want to go to school… he doesn’t know what to do with his life… and mind you.. he is already 21. i am going for my career as an RN and i am well on my way to becoming one. he said he will miss me and it will be hard but he needs to do this now than do this later on in the relationship where it will be harder for the both of us. i respect his wish… i have held my breath waay too long and i can’t believe i even had enough patience for him… also… when we broke up last time…. he was hanging out with our guy friend… and at the end of the day his guy friend went up to me and said he was totally over me.. and doesn’t want to be with me… when in fact my bf wanted to be with me. our friend met up with me and just kissed me (i was so vulnerable at this time)… the next day when me and my bf got back together… his friend told him that he is better off without me coz i cheated. i felt manipulated. i cried to him. he forgave me. i can’t forgive his friend… i dont like him hanging around our “friend” because it makes me feel uncomfortable that he tried to separate us in the past. my bf said he really doesnt respect the way i feel about it. should i still even be with him? im hurt and i love him, but if this a sign of a bad relationship then i will move on and find a gripload of good fish in the sea.

KeepingHeadUpHigh / May 14th, 2010, 4:21 pm / #

We are the walking wounded!! I swear I cried reading every single story because I never thought I could relate to a complete stranger on such a personal and painful level. Reading everyone’s experiences has made me feel like life is a little easier to bear, but I am still lost in this sad trance. My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for about 3 years (I’m 22, he’s 23). He left me twice (once for alcohol abuse, the second for his ex girlfriend). After I took him back last summer, things between us were wonderful, complete bliss. Even though he has a tough-guy exterior, he sent me text messages daily saying he loved and missed me. We were best friends who did everything together, hell we even bought furniture together in anticipation for the next step in our lives after I graduated from college. He was the first one to suggest we move in together the following year – he talked about it almost daily and expressed that it would be the happiest day of his life when he could finally come home to me.

But about 3 months ago his toxic ex-girlfriend showed up in his life at a very vulnerable time in his life – his grandfather had died. I was living with him and his family at the time so I saw firsthand the sneaky ways she tried to infiltrate her way back into his family who still cared for her. (He dated her in H.S. for about 4 years – she completely up and LEFT him more than 5 times because she’s commitment phobic.) He obviously still had unresolved issues with her because EVERY time she left without even a phone call or an explanation so he had NO closure. Anyway, I found out they had been texting back and forth so I confronted him and told him to cut all ties because I KNEW she was just trying to break us up. He didn’t listen to me and continued talking to her for months behind my back. I must have caught him close to 20 times by looking through his phone – it resulted in a huge fight but I never left him so he continued (stupid me). Long story short, I left town for a few weeks and she came over to his house, got him to drink with her and he CHEATED on me. I found out, came back into town immediately and when he saw me he broke down and said he made a huge mistake. She of course freaked out when she heard he got back with me, and had a mental breakdown because her evil plan backfired (karma’s a b!+ch). However, after a week back “together” with him we both realized how damaged our relationship really was. The chemistry and love was still between us but there was so much HURT and CONFUSION that we agreed to take a break. The decision was more so on his part because he was the only one strong enough to take the first step and tell me to leave.

It’s been 6 days now and my emotions fluctuate between anxious, depressed, angry, confused, vengeful, self-loathing, optimistic, numb… We agreed to still talk during this time but at a very basic and superficial level. I agreed I wouldn’t vent to him about how hard this is on me because when I start getting emotional on the phone he usually can’t take it and hangs up. Now whenever I get the urge to text him, I text one of my girlfriends and she’s completely okay with it. Hell, she’d rather I text her all day than him!

When we finally sat down face to face to talk about this “break” he said he felt completely dead inside. He said he feels like he’s just going through the motions day after day with nothing to look forward to. He works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day for little pay and the stress gets to him. He admitted to me that every day he gets the urge to just swerve his car off the road because he just doesn’t feel like life it worth it anymore. He is deeply hurt and confused by the presence of his ex too. She has complete control over him sometimes because of the mind games she plays (evident in the fact that she got him to leave me twice already). His parents are constantly pressuring him to pay back his student loans, his brother is constantly mooching off his generosity and hard-earned money, and his friends are bad influences who think that a trip to the bar or the strip club will help him get over everything. I feel like I am the ONLY stable person in his life who only wants the best for him. I just wish I could take him away from all of his stress for a few weeks so he can just BREATHE. I would do ANYTHING for him and he knows that, yet he feels he had to push me away right now so he doesn’t hurt me any further. I feel like he is about to snap but he won’t really talk to me about what’s bothering him. He’s too proud to ask for help since he’s a stubborn country boy who thinks he can handle everything on his own…

As for me, I lost about 10 lbs in a week, stopped sleeping and confined myself to my room for about 2 weeks. I cried everyday, all day until my mom suggested I go on medication and get counseling. Now I’m on anti-anxiety and depression meds in the meantime which has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. Please consider seeking professional help during this time and allow yourself to grieve.

I have no idea if he will self destruct, have a complete mental breakdown and end up in prison… but since he won’t let me be near him there is NOTHING I can do other than let him know I’m here if he needs me. Sometimes inner strength is lost when we depend too much on someone else. The best thing to do is have faith that it will all work itself out. Do not hold resentment toward the other person, send them good thoughts and pray to whoever you believe in for guidance and strength. Remember, it’s like sand – the tighter you squeeze the faster it slips through your hands. Respect the time and space they requested. If you say you would truly do ANYTHING for the person you love, then you can do this for them… you can do this! Have faith that they will come back to you and that this is just a break so BOTH of you can learn to stand on your own two feet.

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.

PURGATORY / May 15th, 2010, 12:57 am / #

day 3… not the best feeling ive had… but better than day 1 or day 2. i had a goonight sleep last night. mornings are still very difficult… i don’t want to think about it. hopefully this break will tun out for the best. i just hope we stay together.. if not i will be devastated, but i will accept it. there’s nothing i can do to make him stay if he doesnt want it. im going to the beach with my girls tomorrow. hopefully this will make me forget about him for a bit. i still do love him. i love myself too. im gonna take advantage of this break and also think for myself if he is what i want.

KeepingHeadUpHigh / May 15th, 2010, 3:53 pm / #

A break is the most pointlss thing ive heard of! my girlfriend decided to go on one with me two weeks ago and i dont know wht to do and how to act, its aggonny i feel like ending this pain and hanging myself i cant do this no more we’ve been together for over 6 years now and even though im only 20 i feel like my life has ended. theres just no point anymore i might as well go out there achieve my lifetime goal of having anal sex and then jump of the second white cliff of dover.

EMMA HOUSEMAN DONT DO THIS TO ME NOMORE!

katherine draper / May 16th, 2010, 1:03 am / #

Well Im having an issue I’m 18 and my girl is 17 Im about to graduate and she’s in her junior, We been going out for a year now and 2 months in our relationship I made a mistake I almost cheated on her meeting I as bout to kiss the girl but the girl reminded me don’t i have a girl and i quickly got off and left… now Yesterday I came back to me the girl told my girls best friend and her best-friend told her and they caught me in the lying part of denying it cause i felt guilty and wanted to lock it away now she loves me but all her trust is gone and she took me back , We have a baby coming and i was her first, her problem she tells me is that even though I didnt cheat I keep things locked up and hidden, So she suggested we take 1 week no communication no seeing each other or texting or calls , until the week is over she says it will give her time to calm down and to get some time to think, But Im afraid to lose her what do you guys think I know she loves me but i dont want her to give up on me i want a future with her and a family I know im young but I been through so many girls and never has a girl made me feel the way she makes me feel, its something i truly cherish and admire and i dont wanna lose it at all cost, I seek help Effective and Immediately

NO COMMENTS ON HOW WE ARE YOUNG OR ANYTHING OF THAT MATTER PLEASE SAVE IT I JUST NEED GUIDANCE RIGHT NOW

Elliott / May 18th, 2010, 8:32 pm / #

my girl today told me that a break is healthy…she told me this after i got mad that she couldnt talk to me while she was with her best guy friend lawson…..should i be worried?

Justinian / May 22nd, 2010, 10:31 pm / #

I have a very serious problem,

I have been dating a girl for up to 2 years now, when we started she told me that she has dated a girl before. So we went on, later on she said she is not dating me again because of some useless reasons that she can cope again that her father use to beat her because of me.. So after then i noticed that she started dating her ex-boyfriend. She was a virgin then, cos she told me that she would like to keep her virginity before getting married, so i concored. The guy deflowered her and left her, even when she tried to call the guy, he always insult her, so i get to know about it. So i approach her again because of the love i have for her begged her to come back that i still love her so we came back.

I have been settling serious cases of boyfriends since then. Some guys will come to me that they are dating her, and i use to see some my self so she has been playing pranks on me dating other guys.

I get to know he is dating one guy, so both of us talk (myself and the guy) the guy told me how my girlfrind has been calling me her brother, and she (my girlfriend) told me that the guy is her friend. She swore to me that she has never kissed him before, but the guy told me that he has made love to her. So something happened.

Myself and the guy planned to sit the girl down to tell her to choose between us, whom she is going to be dating. All the secret i told the guy about our girlfriend; she went to tell our girl.

So on that day, we were sitted, but she refused to choose any of us.

The problem now is that, our girlfriend is angry with me, because she said i went to be telling the guy all her secret, the girl even told the girl how i said, i have been making love with her always, which i didnt say to him. So because of that she is really annoyed. (It happened 23rd May, 2010).

She told me to bring her pictures for her, that she is not dating me again, she wants to be dating the other guy. Her friend (my girl) told me that i should not worry that she is highly annoyed with me thats why she said so, that i should go and begged her; that she will still assit me. (because she used to tell me that her friend used to say she loved me more than the other guy).

The other guy even told me plenty things about our girlfriend, useless things, he even called her a prostitute.

Should i tell our girl all what he said?

My main problem is that i love her with the fullness of my heart that i can do anything for her, even i had quarrel with my uncle because of her, it was a serious case that i have to leave his house to rent elsewhere.

Should i continue to beg her? what will i do? i still love her very much.

Please help me on how to manage my relationship, i need your help please.

I will be more grateful if more suggestion is sent to my private mail from different individual.

Awaiting your swift response.

McManuel Jnr.
mikemanuel65@yahoo.com

McManuel Jnr. / May 24th, 2010, 3:10 pm / #

I still dont know why, maybe i dont use to give her money always, is it because of that she went to be dating other guys. Am not financial buoyant.

McManuel Jnr. / May 24th, 2010, 3:41 pm / #

I have been going out with her for 5 month now and i really do love her but i really dont like the idea of taking a break wat if after that she doesnt want to come back with me. Even though she saids that she loves and she is caming back with me that she just needs time to think oooo right she got mad at me cuz i broke up with her tham cuz i was really mad but i didnt like the idea of being in our on path. I dont noe what to do please help………… I begged to her to come back i dont noe wat to do pleaseee helpppp……..

jonatan / May 27th, 2010, 7:39 am / #

My gf and i have decided to have a break in our relationship. But in going through what the ‘break’ was i was confused but we have come to an agreement. i am 23 and my gf is 18. She has been in relationships since she was 14 and she is my first serious gf of 1 year. In this break she wants to gain some independence and act like a regular 18 yo go out and flirt and do things without the thought of hurting me. i have said i would give her all the time she needs to get her life in place and that we will still see each other during the duration. and when she gets passed her phase we will become official again and work on our relationship. We didnt really date when we were first going out i moved in with her because of family problems and we were inseparable ever since. During our break we agreed to doing what we like with others be it any type of sexual activity but will allways come back to each other in the end. is this wrong to do this or is this part of the break? i really dont want to lose her and want her to come back to me but i feel like im to clingy and cant let go. Have i done the right thing?

Andrew / May 30th, 2010, 7:50 pm / #

I have a serious problem

I been dating my boyfriend for 2 yrs and we have a beautiful babygirl who 1 yrs old I am 25 and he 21 yrs old and my boyfriend does a whole lot for me and he tells me that it is my turn to take care of him I dont live with him i still live with my parents but he gets tired of picking up bc i live 30 mints away and he says that hes tired of picking me and he says that i act like a child sometime and that i need a be more woman enuff so my bf is so stress out that he wanted to have a break but the only thing that pissing me off is that he has a so called best friend and shes living with my boyfriend and shes sleeping in the same bed with him i am so stress out i dont no what to think anymore

becky / June 3rd, 2010, 9:40 am / #

My partner and I have just agreed on taking a break. We’ve been talking about it on and off for around 9months about taking a break. We’ve been together for nearly two and a half years and have a 14month old daughter. We never seem to make the compromise because I feel that my daughter and I are not the number one on my partners list. My personality is definately wanting me to be number one on a list, and I can share that with my daughter, but not with my partners “hobby”. It’s nothing serious like drinking or going out with mates, but just doing his Remote Control Cars. His job keeps him away from home for four days a week, and I could handle that if I was with friends and family, but about 4 and a half months into our relationship, we moved 20hrs drive away from my friends and family. Since being here I have made a few friends, but I’m finding getting a job, and any satisfaction out of my life, besides my daughter, is nearly impossible. I’m constantly asking him for money, he makes all the big decisions in our relationship, and I take a backseat to nearly everything.
I’m just wondering if a break will help, or if it needs to be a complete seperation for good. I’m very lost on this subject.

Phoebe / June 5th, 2010, 6:46 pm / #

So glad i found this site and i now think that taking a break isnt for the worst, it can make you stronger.

hmw / June 10th, 2010, 7:00 am / #

Im thinking about taken a break to im just to overwhelemed wit my relationship and becoming a new mother and getting my life together….but I thank you so much for the advice because I wanted to take a break but I didn’t know how to go about it. So thank you so much.

lux / June 11th, 2010, 10:58 pm / #

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