Real Sex Education Facts

i’m goin through a “break” right now, still have no idea what my bf means by it. still tryin to sit down to talk about it, but just reading this artcile has made me understand more.. and i just wanna say thank you

My partner has decided that he wants to take a break, and im all for it! We have a son who is now 10 months old and he is beautiful, adorable and healthy, however I am 22 and my partner is 30. I know he loves me and his done so much to prove this fact and I love him from the bottom of my heart, I just don’t know if this is for me. I’m kind of confused.

I don’t live the life of a typical 22 year old, im busy playing mum and making arrangements to buy property and live elsewhere and I sometimes wonder what im missing out on in regards to experience and the things that you would normally learn at this tender age to equip you for life and fuel your growth, plus I am so afraid of being hurt by him that I do things to push him away.

I would say we are perfect for eachother but then again what would I know considering this is my first serious relationship with a guy!

Do you see what I mean, theres so much confusion and I feel like if I really loved him would I have all these thoughts circulating my brain? I feel guilty to feel the way I do and I really don’t wana lose him because he is one of the best things that has happened to me but I don’t know if I can handle the intensity of this relationship and the responsiblity of being a gf + mother.

Im not sure but I think and perhaps just hope that I can figure out whatever it is that I need to know about myself or life and that ultimately that can make us stronger

Dear Anonymous,

You really are very young, and with a lot of responsibility already. The age difference between you and your partner isn’t very great, it just seems large now because, in fact, you are very young. In five years it will have virtually evaporated. He sounds great, by the way, and well worth keeping, provided the chemistry is right. Just tell him that you aren’t dumping him, but you’ve got to get yourself together before you can move on with him. And be totally, absolutely, fanatically honest with him–to the extent that you know what’s what yourself (limited for everyone, until time has its way).

There’s some fairly good advice out there on relationships these days, and perhaps you could take some time taking some of it in. It often comes in hard to digest form–relationship experts, pseudo-psychologists, life coaches, etc. You have to separate the wheat from the chaff. Work it through slowly. But the basic, simple idea that that has helped me think about my own relationship has been the principle that compatibility is the basis of all good relationships. And that compatibility is comprised of sexual, personal, and practical compatibility. The sexual is obvious–either you love the sex or there’s something (maybe you don’t know what) just a bit off. With your age, some things in this department may have to do learning–most women, for instance, do have to learn what brings them to orgasm, and this can take time and patience. (Usually it is themselves playing with their clitorises while lovemaking, but certainly there are many, many exceptions.) The personal is the friendship level–do you love to just sit and chat? Is he your best friend? And the practical has to do with distribution of chores and responsibilities, shared goals, and so on. Check out a site called the Relationship Gym. Not bad, actually quite good.

And take it from me–I was married for fifteen years and had made a big mistake–you can and should take your time. Fear of being alone and/or making a mistake, losing the best guy in the world etc. is a major motivator, and the cause of millions of unhappy marriages. I have known some happy couples, happy after twenty, thirty, or more years. And every single one of them has a similar story–and it’s the story of compatibility, coupled with skills that anyone can learn: how to resolve conflicts, not go to be angry, develop common interests, share feelings openly, and so on. But first comes the compatibility, and on that score make no compromises.

Best of luck.
Alex

I’m going through something similar right now and having a very difficult time. I meet my partner, unfortunately, shortly after separation from my wife. I still had a lot of baggage, and she had to endure waiting for me to get my life organized. I know it wasn’t the right time to start a relationship, but nevertheless it happened, and we fell in love with each other.

As time went on, she became resentful and bitter that she had to wait while I cleaned my life up. She raised walls to try and protect herself and in doing so her feelings changed towards me. Yet, I only feel deeper in love with her.

I’ve known for a while something wasn’t right with us, but held on desperately to the belief that we could work it out and get through it. This week she sent me an email saying that we had reached a fork in our relationship and that we could either try to muddle through and stay together which would probably end up in us breaking apart, or we could take a break for a few months so I could my life in order and we could start our relationship fresh and the right way.

She says she loves me and believes what we have is worth fighting for and that this is the only possible way of salvaging it. Being away from me for a while hopefully will show her what her life is like without me, and bring back those feelings to make us strong again.

It’s hard for me, however. I’m very in love with her and I’m terrified that through this she will move on and I’ll be left in the dust. I don’t want to be with anyone else, and I told her that throughout this I would do what had to be done and I would remain committed to her.

So here I am, moping about and crying, not eating, but trying to keep positive that we can survive this. Waiting a month or two seems like hell to me though, and not being able to talk to her everyday is agony. I’m going to be strong and give her her space, but hope that she will see just what I bring to her life.

And that’s the thing really in all this. Waiting. How do I take each day when all I can think about is her? I know what I have to do, I’m just scared at the end of it all she won’t be there.

Gary.

My boyfriend didn’t really ask me for space (or a break). He just stopped calling and texting all together. His aunt came to my house and she told me that he told me he wanted space (which is soooo not true). He never said anything. Oh well. Anyways, she said he just wants his space for a little while. I’m 10 weeks pregnant with his child. This is wonderful for my hormones. But the truth is that taking a break is not always the wisest decision, considering the fact that I do not plan on taking him back after this. When he calls, which he will (always does) I plan on telling him to **** off. This little break has made me realize that there are more problems with our relationship than anything and I am tired of trying. So I guess it will backfire!! Sometimes taking a break can do more harm than good, especially if it not discussed thorougly, and depending on the problems in the relationship.

am in a very confusing situation myself,was in love with a guy ayear ago and then he caled it off,saying that there were some things he had to do 4 his parents,that they didnt want it,(our relationship),now a year later he wants me back,during this year i lost my brother and my father and inspite of knowing this,he didnt even call to condole me? he said he was afraid to face me…he is beggung 4 forgiveness…what should i do,can i ever trust such a person

me and my partner are going through a break right now. at first i hated the idea of it. i was like damn what if she finds somebody else durin this break. or what if she figures out that im not the best for her. im scared on what her final decision is. she loves me and this is for sure. but we argue so much that she is confused on knowing if being with me is the best or if we are just pusing it to far nd need to take our own paths alone. i hope this break really makes us stronger because she is the best thing that has ever happend.i hope i dont end up getting my heart broken. the hardest thing ever will be to move on.