Article

Why People Cheat?

People enter into a relationship to get to know the other person, they enter into a commitment based on their love, and they seek happiness in life. Whether happiness revolves around marriage and kids or a significant other to spend life with. All relationships have problems. A couple married for 35 years did’t hit several bumps in the road. What makes their relationship last while others don’t? That is a tough question to answer because there are a lot of factors. Cheating on your spouse or significant other is just one factor in an unhappy relationship.

Why do people cheat? There are several reasons. The biggest is opportunity and unhappiness. Relationships are built on love, and sometimes two people forget to communicate causing unhappiness. When an opportunity comes along to talk with someone about our problems we usually do so. Does it always lead to cheating? No, not always.

First we should probably define cheating. Cheating can be going on a date with someone else while in a relationship, having sex with another individual, or a conversation the other is jealous of. An individual decides what their definition of cheating is. For the sake of this article we will concentrate on cheating as a sexual act.

Often those who cheat with a sexual act are two types of people. Those who pray on another’s needs to satisfy their own and those who didn’t not mean to cheat but circumstances evolved before anyone remembered to say no. Those who pray on another’s needs usually are out for a satisfying relationship in bed and don’t really wish for a more significant relationship. Married people often pose a safe avenue for those who don’t wish to be tied to an individual. Those who cheat as an accidental incident are guilty when it is over. It could be too much alcohol and an attraction to another individual that leads to the act or it could be so much pain that they seek some sort of release.

Some individuals who lose a child or other loved one may seek outside relationships from their marriage because they are no longer able to communicate the hurt to their partner. It could be a result of a marriage or relationship long over, but no one has the guts to say that it is over. It is hard to hurt a person we have loved or one we still love, but not the same as we once did.

Individuals who fall out of love may seek other relationships while still married because they need a fulfillment, but don’t want to hurt the other person. Of course this is faulty thinking because the other individual will be more hurt for the betrayal rather than the ending of the relationship. Why people cheat is still a mystery, to a large degree. Why we feel we should betray someone by cheating rather than ending a stale relationship is still left unanswered. We can have many excuses, but in the end they don’t matter as much as the pain caused.


Comments (43 comments)

well cheating hurts alot cause i was cheated on. my boyfriend cheated on me for his ex. i was dealing with the pain but i over it. but this thought me to be wiser about who’s a jerk and who’s a keeper. Honestly im still hurt, but im so upset that i wasted so much time with him and being single is great for me now. cause i can think.

Jessie / April 2nd, 2008, 2:39 am / #

Honestly i really think people cheat is cause there partner wont give them what they want so they go to someone who they now will give it to them otherwise i dont know why people cheat is it cause they still love one person and just wont to be with a person that will give them what they want and then they just go be with an ex or whatever there case is. They choose to cheat and thats them but there are like ALOT more people in this world that should get a chance and they dont get it cause people are hurt and do things that we all regret in they next day. We all have are reasons for what we all do so if your boyfriend or husband cheats then thats there loss and they have there reasons and they might say its cause of you that they cheated on you but honestly there just saying that so you get upset inside and its not really true they just want to get the reaction out of you and if you dont give them what they wont then they take back what they say!!!!!!!

Callie Jones / April 14th, 2008, 3:11 am / #

In my experience I’ve seen people cheat because they’re too selfish to value their partner over themselves. They got into the relationship based off of passion or attraction, including the rewards, but when time and stress wears the excitement down, excitement is sought elsewhere. Often the cheater was never truly in love, or never intended to make love work in the first place, and pretty much had the expectation of being pleased and given to without effort.

Rachelle / May 20th, 2008, 3:14 am / #

i cheated on my boyfriend. but i absolutly love him to pieces and really dont understand why i did it , i really really want to know. :/ ,x

? / February 6th, 2009, 1:50 am / #

People need to get over cheating. Humans were not designed to be with only one person for their entire lives. Monogamy is something humans came up with to feel better about themselves. Every person will be attracted to someone else other than the person they are with. Anyone who says that’s not true is a liar. Just because someone cheats doesn’t mean they don’t love the person they’re with. And who says a person can’t love more than one person? People need to get over themselves. We are a tiny insignificant planet. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh, and there is no God.

Jay / February 17th, 2009, 10:54 pm / #

I love my hudand, but I think he is cheating on me!I have be with my hudand for 8 years we have twin girls together.he makes me Feel so low!! Some time I feel like cheating on him, but I can’t 2 wrong do not make it right!!

korita / April 21st, 2009, 9:13 am / #

I think that people cheat because they aren’t being fulfilled in the relationship that they are in. The real answer to that is communicate what your needs are and if your spouse isn’t willing work on it then don’t cheat but leave that relationship. You tried to make it work by communicating but they weren’t open to it.

Tonya / April 28th, 2009, 3:17 am / #

i have cheated all… and i dont know why i did it?

minna-maarit toivonen / May 3rd, 2009, 2:07 am / #

last night I was reading about a mass shooting in a cafe in America, where approx 10 families were eating, police noticed that the majority of men died protecting their families, apart from 2 guys, which used their wives as human shields. Girls, which type is your man, someone who is willing to protect you, or one of the 20% who is happy to fuck you over at the first sign of trouble?
If you with the spinless sect, then its time to grow some balls and kick these “dicks” to the curb, move on and find a decent guy. PERIOD.

Clare / May 21st, 2009, 9:39 am / #

Why Do people cheat,i think it’s really unfair to the other person. why cant the person just break up with there partner and save them some hurt,it makes more sense. I think cheatingis themost selfish thing.
My ex boyfriend ronald cheated on me,and he stilltells e he’loves’ me, i’ve moved on, bu i dont understand him.

Lauren Padley / June 1st, 2009, 9:34 am / #

My wife cheated for 5 yrs, 43 yrs ago, and i still dis-like, this decitful Black Scotch woman.
She Knew where the Doors Were.

Ray Larder / June 17th, 2009, 11:40 am / #

a cheater is actually a dishonest person .with himself as well for a whole society.he or she brings the cosequences for others due to his or her fault which may be non ending.a cheater is a sick person wheather it is due to external or internal factors.to me it is a big crime resulting in so many other crimes.a cheater always bring hate ,reveng,deaster,and disintegration in the society.a cheater is always having very low level of faith.a cheater must be punished acoordingly to bring stability in the society

adil / July 20th, 2009, 1:26 pm / #

I dont know why I cheat, If I could I would take back the very moment I thought that cheating was okay. I cheated on two of the most amazing people I have ever met. My bf of 5yrs who I idolized and my bf who is so sincere.

I dont know whats wrong with me. I go along like nothing.

michelle / September 3rd, 2009, 1:01 am / #

PEOPLE CHEAT BECAUSE IT JUST MAKES US FEEL GOOD. I AM PREGNANT RIGHT NOW AND IT’S NOT GOING TO STOP ME FROM CHEATING ON MY BOYFRIEND.

LOLA CRUZ / October 17th, 2009, 1:01 am / #

Hello All,
1st i’d like to agree with comment made by “? ” on “February 6th, 2009, 1:50 am ”
Humans were not meant to stay with one person through their life.
2nd, we change as we go with our lives, our goals, our tastes, our personalities change. So it’s not a surprise one day you mind find yourself living with a stranger, sharing house quarters and chores.
3rd, it is possible to love more than 1 or 2 people the same way. Where as each and everyone is so different from each other. Yet, none of them been the 100% perfect person. Hence, each one adding a valuable and necessary piece to your life.
As for the question why do cheaters do it behind spouses’ back? There are many reasons. One, don’t want to hurt the spouse who still might be loving you. Two, financial or children ties does not allow a break up. Three, because they love their current spouse, but don’t get all they need from him/her yet happy enough to keep the relationship.
Is cheating immoral? That all depends on circumstances and individual moral believes.

EnjoyLife / October 21st, 2009, 9:45 am / #

First off,
I think that it is possible to cheat on the person you love. My boyfriend who I consider to be my everything forgave me when I cheated on him because he understood how much I loved him, despite the fact that I cheated on him. I confessed like a responsible person, and I wasn’t caught by anyone. To this day, I still don’t know why I slept with that man. I wasn’t drunk, wasn’t on drugs. None of it. I truly believe that no human is prone to temptation. It can hit anyone from any situation. We are all humans and the DEVIL is a powerful force. After I cheated on my bf, my relationship with the Lord became very powerful, and now I look unto him for all that I need and the Lord has been very helpful. Unfortunately, even after all this time, I still get temptations here and there when I see a fine man. But my faith has kept me strong and untouchable by the devil. Don’t assume that all cheaters don’t love their spouses or partners. Assume that they’re human just like the rest of us, and they’re prone to sin.

Sade / November 17th, 2009, 5:13 pm / #

Cheating? Well guys come on. How many times have you heard the word ” no man is perfect” ? Yes. No man is perfect. Look around you. Celebrities, presidents, people in power and all that in some point fall for this word “cheating”. Simple word but very misunderstood why it happen. Now I will break it down for you guys to understand so much about cheating and what actually make people cheat. I have a upcoming book about relationship and cheating. Mainly for females who want a good man and want to keep them. Anyway enough of that. Its get to the chase.

When it comes to relationship, you will hear some body say stuff like ” I love my bf/gf so much b ut I cheated on him or her and I don’t know why”. Reason you don’t know why is, you don’t know how cheating occur. There are three simple steps to make cheating happen. YOUR MIND( BRAIN) , YOUR HEART (EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS) AND THEN YOUR BODY(SATISFACTION). This are the three major key factors that makes cheating occur.

Majority of people are good relationship. The get their needs met. Sexual,emotional,love,etc but stray. The reason is their mind set is playing a bigger role. Example. A woman at a bar, who finds a man so attractive, flirt with him, get alil. Drunk and next minute her judgement, thinking ability, mind, start to play a role. Sleep with this man. So the mind plays the role. Connect with her emotions(heart) and get her satisfy(body). Next morning she sees her loving caring faithful husband and have regretion. This is the scenario how our mind play significant role when it comes to cheating. The brain is the lead factor when it comes to cheating. If u can take contreol of ur mind u can control your heart and body.

This is just a few tip to know more email me. Mr.eq28@gmail.com. and I will answer any questions or tell you more. Especially females or males who cheat and don’t know why they do that.

enq / December 21st, 2009, 4:19 am / #

But honestly “Cheating “is so much understood by so many …you can be cheated emotionally as well as physically .Emotionally you get cheated when a partner does wrong things and hides them from you .Physically when he goes and sleeps around ,and for WHAT …2 TO 5 MINUTES OF PLEASURE ?Cheating is very dangerous cause the more a person cheats the more they cut short their lives on earth .People like this they don’t live long ,The die becuase of this FLASH EATING SIN .So people really need to wake up.Cause like Sodom and Gomorah all sinners are gonna reap .Including me .

Nthabi / December 29th, 2009, 5:19 pm / #

the only reason cheating is considered bad is because the world has put an image in our head that it is bad. What does cheating even mean? why does it hurt your feelings? Its like saying you are hurt that other people want to be with your loved one. People say they dont know why they cheated and i know why. People cheat to have fun. Whats the fun in having oatmeal everyday when you can have a meatball sub. Oatmeal is delicious but how are you going to know what anything else tastes like if you dont try other foods. In order to realize what you have you need to compare. You wouldnt buy a car without comparing prices, color, model, used, new. You try multiple cars before choosing the perfect one. And if you have a car already and you are looking for a new one, then arent you cheating on your car. I know that sounds dumb but that is how people are comparing it.

Anonymous / December 29th, 2009, 8:40 pm / #

I don’t understand the lack of morality in today’s world, to be honest with you. If you are “bored” or “fed up”, get out of the current relationship and move on. Cheating is not a “natural” part of life, and while we were supposedly not made to be monogomous creatures, the fact is that many of us expect our loved ones to be. If you don’t want to be a “one man woman” or a “one woman man”, stay out of the relationships and find like-minded people to have flings with. Cheating is just plain selfish because you expect your partner to stay faithful and take care of your emotional needs while you go around risking catching diseases to bring back to the “relationship”, or becoming the parent of a child you can’t even determine the paternity of. Not all contraceptives work all the time, and condoms don’t protect against all diseases, yet people stupidly go out and have sex with multiple partners because they are “bored” and “need more excitement”. Cheaters simply want it all…an ego boost and a caregiver to go home to…but the truth of the matter is that cheating is just another form of lying, and who wants to be with a liar? Cheaters lie about how bad they have it, and they lie about what they’ve been doing. It amazes me the number of people who allow themselves to be the other woman or the other man in hopes that one day the cheater will be with them. That would only happen if the spouse found out and tossed their sorry rumps out, and after a while, the other person gets set aside for a newer “model”. Cheaters are just as pathetic as the excuses they make for their abhorrent behavior.

NoExcuses / January 1st, 2010, 11:58 pm / #

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half and he is wonderful, best thing ever happened to me. Recently, I got a call from an ex boyfriend, my first love and first lover. He has been dating someone for about a year as well. The girl he is still dating, i was dating him at the same time a year ago without knowing. when I found out I stopped all contact with him. Now, having been a year and a half in with my current boyfriend, that’s when i got the call fom my ex. After talking on the phone he invited me over to have some drinks and catch up. He said there was another bed i could sleep in aslo. I gave in. I went there drank, had a really good time, and i cheated. The next morning i felt terrible. I left in the morning and then saw my boyfriend later that day. I couldnt even look at him i felt so horrible. Now, I am wondering why I did it. I am so confused and I dont know what to do. I dont get why I decided to do it…please help

CONFUSED ON WHY NEED ADVICE / January 9th, 2010, 4:29 pm / #

Talk to him about it, it sucks when you know somethings wrong but your partner wont talk about it

Anonymous / January 24th, 2010, 10:20 am / #

Women cheat for a need. For example, my boyfriend will not give me oral sex, he says he doesn’t like the smell. But I know there is no smell, because I am very clean! We have been dating for 3 years, and he will go down on me about 1 time every 2 months! He is not loving or affecionate, so I have cheated on him with an older man, who loves the way I smell:) I basically have had to look elsewhere for those feelings, wants and needs. But I am truly in love with my BF and would never leave him, the older man is sex only although he is very understanding and caring.

JENNY / January 29th, 2010, 7:53 am / #

Cheating is bad! But people are so stupid to do that. Sometimes you can’t believe how people can catch by some situatian and can’t do anything! So before you cheat- you think, may be you do not want to do this! LOL

katherina / February 25th, 2010, 11:16 pm / #

Ive been cheated on by every single person iv been with ( 6 people )
each time i found out it was over straight away
I was single for over a year and a half until i met someone
He cheated on me the 2nd week i was with him and i stopped with him yet i didnt no why
Then at 6 months he went on a holiday for a week with his friend and rang me completely devastated and i asked what was wrong and it was because he had been around this girl
I asked if hed did anything but he hadnt so i said it was ok if they were js talking and stuff
then he came home and we were just sitting talking as we hadnt seen each other for a while and then his phone rang and he answered and he went its her
so i grabbed the phone and she was saying is this his ugly girlfriend he doesnt like and stuff…
this got me frustrated as i didnt understand why he had given her his number
Then about 2 weeks later i went on facebook and he had added her and there were 63 pictures of him and her were she was basically lap dancing on him

i forgave him and weve been tgether almost 2 years now
yet he still cant explain why he cheated “/

Luciekaylc / March 1st, 2010, 7:14 am / #

I am in a relationship. We have a 3 year old child together. We often argue and i dont believe either of us is happy. We have a house together and we both love our daughter. we dont argue infront of her. I am considering cheating>could see it as looking elsewhere for someone to satisfy me, but its not even the sex. its just spending time with someone else that is taking an interest in me as a person. I dont want to hurt my partnet and i dont want to break up the family. what to do?

confidential / March 13th, 2010, 2:58 am / #

My husband is a great man, and I care for him deeply. We have kids, and we have built a life together. A good life. But, he works all the time. For days he won’t be home. Sometimes weeks. That’s his job. My job is here taking care of our family, and everything else. I trust him. I truely feel that he would never cheat on me. But, I can’t say that I have not thought about it. I love him with all my heart. I would never want to hurt him. But, sometimes, I feel like I need more. I need an emotional connection. I have, once, caught myself going almost too far with another man to meet an emotional need. Again, I LOVE my husband. But, I don’t think I can live a life alone for too much longer. I have an emotional need that can’t be filled by my spouse, the one man I planned to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t know how much longer I can stay without cheating.

Bee / March 15th, 2010, 1:54 pm / #

Well Ive been cheated on many times by other boyfriends and I actually thought that my current fiance would be faithful, boy was I wrong not only did he go out with other women while we were apart for three months he had sexual encounters with six older women. I don’t know if he truly understands how he makes me feel. I’ve been dealing with his infidelity for too long and I am at the point where I’m not sure if the relationship should continue. I love him, I truly do but he’s hurt me so much that I am weak, sick, and just disgusted with my self. I’m not mad at him, I blame myself for him having sex with other woman. I’m at a crossroads and I don’t know what to do. Its obvious this relationship has issues but I’m not sure if I should hide my feelings for the sake of love.

Abbie / March 18th, 2010, 8:30 am / #

I moved out to colorado about a year and a half ago and had an addiction. I had about 14 girlfriends in this time period and have cheated on all but three. the first, the last, and the third to last. I have been with my girlfriend now for eight months and have never thought of cheating on her, I honestly believe I have changed for the better. Although, I don’t trust guys around her because of my past and because she is absolutely beautiful. Any advice for that?..

Shayne / March 27th, 2010, 8:54 am / #

there are all kinds of reasons why spouses cheat…. unsatisfied, lonely, unhappy, ect……… but the one I found out the most is SELFISHNESS!!!!! cheating doesn’t always have to be a physical thing… emotional cheating is just as worst… but the question is what are you going to do about it…..

shawn / April 16th, 2010, 12:26 am / #

I cheated on my boy/f of 7 years three times. The first time i did it because I was tired of always being good and i wanted too see what it was like to finally be unfaithful in my life. It lasted for two months. I enjoyed it, but the guy i was with started to get attached so i broke it off. PLus i felt like i was hurting my boyfriend because i wasn’t giving him all the attention he deserved and that i wanted to give him. Then several years later I slept with another man. I did it because i was lonely and my boy/f had moved out to try to start a better life for us. I found he had been flirting with girls online and making plans to meet with them at their houses. I cheated two times, both were just okay. My main reason for doing it was because i wanted to see what it was like to sleep with someone outside of my race. Nothin special there. Finally recently about three weeks ago i cheated. It kind of just happened. I was flirting with a guy who is also in a relationship and I told him I’d do things with him. When it came time to do them, I did because i normally do what i say. I only did it once, but i plan on doing it again in about a week. I have several reasons for doing it. One I caught my guy flirting and planning to cheat on me again and because I am physically attracted to the other guy. Finally, and i know this is just wrong but i’m being honest, I want to sleep with this other guy to see if I can get him to fall in love with me or get attached to me outside of his girlfriend. I know, i suck, i’m the scum of the earth, but the truth hurts. I enjoy the obstacle and want to see what i’m capable of. Oh, and i’ve never gotten caught and i’m pissed off because my boyfriend has not asked me to marry him so…there it is

Dora / April 19th, 2010, 12:30 am / #

In the end of the day cheating is wrong. Just leave your partner if you are going to cheat. I go through depression as a 16 year old because I have seen MANY close people been cheated on. I no longer trust people. I no longer live for myself no more. I accept that I am a living sacrifice. I accept that the only reason I live is to help people in life. Because everybody has betrayed me.

I knew this woman who was the MOST beautiful woman I ever saw. She married a handsome man but he was not quite in her league. He ended up cheating on her. The family found out and everything went downhill. People died of depression and drugs trying to get over what happened. Even if nobody finds out what you did at heart you will always be a murderer in the emotional realm. A cold heartless person.

Love is not a feeling. It is a choice.

If you see someone pointing a gun at your spouse and you say “ah whatever” and you let them die how can you say you love them? So how can you say you love someone if your actions show otherwise? You commit the ultimate betrayal that can be committed. As far as I’m concerned people have not figured out love. Love is not an illusion. It is something real. If what you do contradicts love then you do not have it. People say they love but do you feed the poor? Do you care for others? If not you don’t love them. So apply that to those you do say you love. And understand that love is the putting of someone else before yourself.

If you actually have love it will be there. If it is there ti will show. Not in your feelings only but in your actions.

Angel / April 20th, 2010, 1:27 am / #

I cheated on my boyfriend, who I love more than anyone else in my life. He has been my rock in a year of rough waters. It hurts me to look at him knowing what I did to him. I am not looking for any excuses out, I know what I did was wrong and I regret it because it hurt him. I think I cheated because I am an unhappy person, not because my relationship is unhappy. I cheated when I was really depressed and lonely and instead of calling my boyfriend to talk things out, I turned to sex with someone else. It will take a lot for both of us to heal, I just hope he can forgive me eventually. I haven’t told him yet, but I know he deserves to know what happened.

Holly / April 22nd, 2010, 9:05 am / #

I have sat here and read as people talk about how they have cheated because their significant other has not given them the satisfaction they desired, or they do not know how much longer they can go without cheating. You are pathetic, rather than being truthful from the beginning and ending the relationship, you try to satisfy your as you like to call them “needs” and that is more of a heartbreaker than another divorse to add to the statistics. Having the thoughts of what if I was with that other woman/man, is human nature, we are always attracted to those around us. It is also human nature to evolve and better ourselves, to know what it is to say you will be loyal and forever true. If you never planned on staying true, then why would you ever lead your partner to believe this is so? Tell them the truth from the start. If you are one of those who cheated by accident, you “did not know what you were doing”, do not lie to yourself. You know what you are doing when you do it, it is just your mind is easily swayed. Instead of being strong and standing up for the loyalties you promised your partner and they promised you, you let a stupid desire become more important than a forever bond. Is a 5 minute act of pleasure worth giving up 50 potential years of comfort and commitment? I know sometimes your partner can seem distant and uncaring, but before you go and act upon this stupidly, try talking to your partner about what the problem is. Tell them how you truley feel. If they after that point still show no affection or the slightest sign of an attempt to work on it, get out of the relationship that is no longer there. I hear alot of people say they stay together for the kids, this is a very good reason, but it is not a must. Your children would much rather have seperated parents who are happy and bring them up loving life, rather than parents who are together and are always fighting or atleast the tention can be felt. Children are not stupid, they can understand why we make the decisions we make. It is betraying those we love they do not seem to understand. In summary, if you do not plan on a long term forever ture type of relationship, do not lead your partner on, and if you are not strong enough to be loyal to those you swore you would, man up and work out a divorce or break-up before you really do hurt someone. ~ Sempre Vero (Forever True)

Timothy Ryan Leiva ~ Sempre Vero / May 3rd, 2010, 7:32 pm / #

in my opinion, i dont think that someone should get in a relationship if theyre gona cheat on someone.i know its not their intention.but if youre gona cheat, you might as well not be in a relationship.ive been cheated on,and it sucks.the reason being was because, she was lonely.i dont believe that was the real reason, it was an excuse. people cheat because they are unhappy and they arent getting what they want.i think its BS.and no one in their right mind should ever be cheated on.its not fair.

monies / May 5th, 2010, 4:40 am / #

I’ve cheated a couple of times and I know exactly why I did it. The first few times I cheated because I hated my boyfriend for neglecting me and running off for days without telling anyone and I never knew when or if he’d ever be back. He never hugged me and I felt the relationship was very one sided. This last time I cheated because my boyfriend, yet again neglects me and doesn’t call me, ever. He refuses to ever have sex and is just emotionally distant. I cheat because i desperately want to love and be loved but it never happens for me and I end up with a neglectful asshole who makes me feel all the hell alone in this world but I don’t break up with them because I sincerely doubt if they would even care if I did cheat and because I guess being with someone is better than being completely isolated because it’s very difficult for me to find someone in the first place. I’m not defending what I did. I admit it was wrong, but I’m just so fucking jaded about love and relationships that I just don’t fucking care anymore. Love doesn’t exist for me and cheating gives me at least a couple hours worth of feeling alive.

Talandriuh / May 20th, 2010, 2:42 pm / #

Selfishness. Why is it so fucking hard not to cheat? Just dont do it.

Sean / May 22nd, 2010, 2:20 am / #

i almost cheated on the girl ive been dating for a year and confessed she was happy i didnt do it and loves me even more for saying no, cheating shows you have no faith and is wrong and most of all SELFISH!

EDWARD / May 25th, 2010, 3:20 am / #

I have come to a crazy conclusion why cheating happens.Simply because marriage is based on commitment. If you are to commit no matter what a person dishes out at you it could be tough. I also believe people are not monogamous. Think of all the people you really are attracted to despite being single or married. People like people (normal ones)and if someone likes another person better than you , your shafted.That is why i avoid settling down. A very unpromising situation for people who are loyal.

james / May 25th, 2010, 5:28 am / #

i live with my partner of 6 years and we have a 1 year old child, ive been cheating on him with my ex since last august, by cheating i mean kissing and cuddling, talking, weve only had sex twice, through lack of oppourtunity. and yes i believe i am selfish for doing this. my partner is not affectionate at all, he barely even kisses me, but we get on great and i like sharing my life with him, but i crave more love and affection, even though i wouldnt leave him for the sake of our child, he is a great dad and i would hate to split our family up, but i cant help it, i know i have issues but at the minute i dont really want to end it with my ex. What do you think of that??

mia / May 29th, 2010, 10:35 pm / #

Cheaters are motivated by their own needs. They ignore right and wrong, and act selfishly with little concern for those they hurt.

I always read about men who cheat. However they are doing this with women. I have had three different relationships end with cheating – even though I was told they were happy, and that our love and sex lives were great.

My most recent relationship of four years, was wonderful in many ways. It was however long distance – and she (in her 50s) chose to go after a former classmate who is well off, and MARRIED. I wish I could understand why someone has so little respect for another’s marriage.

If a cheater is unhappy with the relationship – they don’t have to cheat. They can leave – OR they can work on fixing the relationship. There is never a good reason to cheat. It is selfish and cruel.

Read about narcissistic lovers… This is quite often their choice of behavior.

b / June 1st, 2010, 6:57 pm / #

I’ve cheated on my husband 3 times… I know what a dumb whore i am right? Yes i feel like crap for what i’ve done & truthfully i’ve punished myself for all these wrong doing just as much as my husband has…Beginning of story, I’m 20 yrs old & my husband is 21….We were highschool sweethearts…He got me pregnant when i was 16…Our daughter was born 1 month premature, and she passed away from SIDS just 2 days before she turned 2 months old…We were devastated…I was more so since i was the only one who fully took care of her since my husband now but bf then wasnt allowed to stay at my house..Instead of turning to me for comfort or giving me comfort he turned to his not so nice parents of his..I felt abandoned because i had just moved in exactly one week b4 her passing…I was horrified when he would leave me when i needed him, infact i would beg…But he found fishing all night to be the only thing to comfort him…We got married on our 1yr anniversary 2 weeks after she died…I turned off the switches after that..I made myself go completely numb…A year passed, i started hanging out with old friends again the bad influence kind..I met this guy, and he was a loser i have to admit but a loser who gave me attention and made me feel again..I only did it once & i made him stop because i felt horrible during it…I only did it cuz my husband was yelling at me telling me to get home like a dog when at that time i really was innocent of anything..I told my hubby not 8 hrs after i did it..I really do love him…He and i are complete opposits that are very attracted to eachother…So you know it wasnt the lack of sex or lack of great sex…Just lack of comfort..Anyway i told him to leave me & i dont deserve him..He wouldnt have it…He loved me just as much…So being the guilty person i am i kissed his butt a trillion times over….Till one day i found his non existent email..He was talking to another girl, and making plans with her…Lucky me tho she lived on another island..So he didnt get to see her yet…He told me he would stop talking to her…Then i find out a week later he was talking crap bout me to her..I wanted to leave but i couldnt at first he wouldnt let me…Then when he let me, he drove after me…then he stopped talking to her..I felt like crap i ended up becomming anorexic or something cuz i always felt ugly compared to that girl…I turned to god…then 1 yr later i started talking to my bff who was in college coming to visit the island for a month(BTW she is bad news)..I preached to her bout god yada yada…She was hookin up with my hanai brother & he happens to be good friends with my ex bff & first love…How ironic…So i drove her to see my brother, and my ex was there…They were drinking and my ex was talking to me telling me how bad he screwed up & how much he loved me still…We had so much history, too bad i was naieve enough not to leave it at that just HISTORY..Anywho we all started to hang out i got tempted to drink then i started smoking again, bleh..And one drunken night i got way too drunk i kinda liked not feeling again…Not feeling the pain of loosing my child, or the fact that my husband prefered another girl to me at one point or that he chose his hobbies & family over me..but yes another regret to add to my list…That night i did what i swore never to do again..Long story short i never told my husband because at some point i didnt feel guilty because i was inlove with the two of them…Say what you want i hate myself more than you know…Funny thing is my bff ended up backstabbing me & sleeping with my ex & going out with him behind my back after i told her i decided i wanted to be with my husband…I ended up getting pregnant with my husbands baby yes im not that much of a slut it only happened once with my ex cuz i did know it was wrong….I was actually divorcing my husband b4 i found out i was pregnant, we werent right we werent working out…But we still loved eachother so even tho i was leaving him i wasnt staying away from him…But when we found out bout the pregnancy he told me he would change his selfish ways…I believed him or atleast tried to i owed it to him to try..We finally go tour own place & moved out of his parents( SO MUCH DRAMA WITH THEM)..But even as our new baby was 2 months he was still the same…Selfish but he did try sometimes…Finally when my daughter was 5months i started having a night with my friends outside drinking but not crazy like b4…My daughter mellowed me out from that…Stupid stupid our neighbors bf’s son was visiting from oahu like he always does but i noticed he came around more after he met me…He came friends with my husband…We all drank together & hung out…My hubby & i were having problems again..Truthfully our marriage is broken, cuz i did tell him bout my ex im too honest & i knew he deserved better but he still wants me!!! IDK WHY!!!!!! It drives me crazy why we fight so much but love so much at the same time!!!! I cheated on him with the neighbors son & i told him once again…IM DIRTY I FEEL DIRTY THE LORD SHOULD CAST ME INTO HELL…CHEATING IS NOT OKAY…..I WOULD DIE IF MY HUSBAND WENT ALL THE WAY WITH THE OTHER GIRLS HE ENDED UP TALKING TO DURING ALL THIS……We’ve been together for 5 yrs…married for 4…its been 8 months since the last time i cheated…btw im 6 months pregnant with my hubbys baby again…duh…We still fight but were trying to work…It seems like were better..No feelings of emptiness anymore just shame….He’s been better with his hobbies & not talking to girls since just b4 we found out i was pregnant…I think we love eachother but we just dont get along….i dont think i’ll ever cheat on him again…but i know in the future my hubby just might do it to me…I’m trying to give him my all without giving him a way to truly hurt me….My advice to people is don’t cheat not just because its wrong, but it ruins relationships that could have bloomed into a beautiful thing…My husband and i are stuck, were trying to go forward but the past keeps catching up to us…BTW love is enough…God helped us through all these tought times & i’m sure he’ll be there for the future as well….Marriage is about keeping people together when they fall out of love & hopefully till they fall back in love….

I don’t know why people cheat, but i know some of my reasons had to do with loneliness, neglect, heartbreak, and low self-esteem…Still there is no good reson to cheat, you’ll only end up hurting yourself…

Rachel / June 13th, 2010, 3:37 pm / #

I reallly did love the girl….but she cheated me….I thought of giving her time….and I gave her quite a lot of time….she hurt me each and every time….she lied to me…most of the times…..and she said NO to me finally…..well…..she was my love….I truly wanted to marry her….but she cheated on me…..it really hurts a lotttttttt….and it makes me feel as if all the girls are same..(even though I know that all are not same)………….

Rog / June 15th, 2010, 7:35 pm / #

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