Article

Men’s sexual problems

Men, in general, talk about their sexual conquests but not their sexual concerns. They tend to keep up the strong male image, including the impression that they are fantastic in bed and that they have no problems (except they “can’t get enough”). Yet, males usually feel responsible for sex–for approaching the woman, arranging the place, skillfully handling the foreplay, and producing both orgasms. Moreover, too many macho males think sex is all that really matters in a relationship; sharing feelings and problems, being tender and caring, doing things together that she likes to do, getting to know each other deeply, etc. are seen too often as silly women’s stuff. These men just don’t get it: good loving is not in the penis, it is in the heart and the mind. If sex were just coming to a climax, then we’d just masturbate. Sex is a mental-interpersonal process, not just a brief physical act. With males having all these responsibilities, misconceptions, and sexist attitudes, the truth is men have a lot of sexual problems.

The males who have a hostile, chauvinistic attitude towards women are responsible for much of the rape, abuse, and harassment of children and adult women. About 2 million girls are sexually abused by a father, brother, or other relative every year, another 3 million by rapists and child molesters. By 16, 20% of all girls have become victims of incest. In addition, about 25% of all college women become victims of rape or attempted rape, 60% of the time it was on a date. These statistics reflect very serious sexual-hostility problems in men. Sexual abuse is discussed in chapter 7 because it is selfish aggression, not love.

With more women insisting on equality and becoming more sexually active and sophisticated, men are becoming more interested in being well informed. They are realizing their differences with women. Several books about male sexual anatomy, sexual functions, sexual techniques, sexual communication, sexual diseases, sexual problems, etc. have become popular (Purvis, 1992; Doyle, 1989; and especially Zilbergeld, 1992).

On confidential questionnaires, half of all males say they are not happy with their sex life (many complain about their wives). Most do not seek professional help, but in the privacy of a therapist’s office, the most common problems of males are “I can’t get it up” and, essentially the opposite, “I come too quickly.” Most males have had a few experiences with a weak or partial erection, especially when drinking, tired, rushed, lacking privacy, or with a new partner. Anxiety is a common factor here. When the male is unable to get an erection over 25% of the time, it is called “impotency.” Reportedly, most erection difficulties start with a physical problem, such as diabetes, drug and alcohol use, and high-blood-pressure medication. So, see an urologist. There are injections for impotency (Eid & Pearce, 1993) if it can’t be cured any other way. Psychological reactions to impotency add to the problem, of course. Most of the cases with erection problems can be helped by physical and psychological treatment combined.

An average, normal male has several erections every night, even at age 65 the penis is erect an hour and a half every night! If erections do not occur after being checked and treated for physical problems, then psychological treatment is needed. Most therapists treat an erection problem by (1) teaching the male to satisfy his partner without using his penis and (2) having the partner stimulate the penis repeatedly (without intercourse or ejaculation) until the male gains confidence it will work. The relationship may also need to be worked on. There is a self-help book for this problem (Williams, 1986). A variety of psychotherapies are effective about 2/3rds of the time, reflecting the role of psychological and interpersonal factors. But don’t overlook the physical causes; they are important.

Anxiety is when for the first time you can’t do it a second time; panic is when for the second time you can’t do it once.

Ejaculating quickly and intensely could certainly be considered a sign of potency, rather than inadequacy. But if either partner wants the female to climax during intercourse with stimulation only being provided by the penis, then quick ejaculations are a problem, called “premature ejaculation .” Almost all males occasionally ejaculate sooner than they’d like. Perhaps 20% of males consistently have difficulty controlling their ejaculation, but only 20% or less of that group seek help with the problem. It can be changed.

Several things might be helpful with premature ejaculations: (1) use a condom to reduce the stimulation, (2) have one or two drinks before sex, (3) think about other things, (4) ejaculate twice (usually premature ejaculations are no problem the second time), (5) satisfy the partner in other ways and, then, both enjoy the male’s quick, powerful climax, (6) avoid deep thrusting by letting the tip of the penis massage clitoris and play at the opening of the vagina or by leaving the penis fully inserted and concentrate on rubbing the pubic areas together (whatever feels good to the female), (7) stop stimulating the penis before reaching “the point of no return” and relax a moment, and (8) use the squeeze technique. The latter method involves squeezing the penis (fingers on top and thumb on bottom) right behind the head or near the base. This is done just before reaching the “point of no return” (when ejaculation can’t be avoided). A hard squeeze reduces the urge to ejaculate. In this way the female partner can teach the male to keep an erection. Masters and Johnson claim a 96% success rate. Kaplan’s (1989) self-help book, How To Overcome Premature Ejaculation, is recommended.

There are other male problems, such as being unable to ejaculate in the vagina or taking a long time to do so. These are rare but treatable, usually by a sex therapist. There may be relationship problems. But, a desensitizing process might be tried first involving these steps: (1) masturbating alone thinking of your partner for a week or so, (2) masturbating in front of partner during the next week, (3) being masturbated by partner for another week or so, and (4) being aroused by partner to near the point of ejaculation and then inserting the penis in the vagina. After successfully ejaculating inside the female in this manner several times, the fears usually disappear. This procedure is successful in about 75% of the cases (Masters, Johnson & Kolodny, 1985).

For more information about the treatment of premature ejaculations and impotence, call 312-725-7722. Another problem, sexual addiction, is more common among men than women (see Carnes, 1991), e.g. over 50% of men think about sex every day (or several times a day) but less than 20% of women do. General references are Pervis (1992) and Zilbergeld (1992).


Comments (25 comments)

I am Kumar from Hyderabad , India aged 27 years unmarried guy.

I have a problem. I am masturbating since 7 years on an average 4 times a

week from the age of 21. now i feel my penis became narrow in the base and

the penis size is drastically reduced,.the girth and length were reduced and

even if i have erection i cant last longer. the erect penis size is only 10

cms. i am very frustated and worrying a lot on this bad masturbating

habit.My penis has also been bent to the left side with right hand masturbation.

see in my case i lost penis hardness

which i had before starting masturbation at the age of 21 before 7 years

from now. my penis lookslike a child penis. i dont know whether i can

satisfy my wife or not..iam NOT GETTING

rock hard erections like what I used to get when I am 21 before I started

masturbating.

So would be great if you can answer my concerns and suggest me the possible

ways how I can getback my erectile stamina . ways how I can getback my erectile stamina . I used to masturbate watching porn movie and rubbing my penis for atleast 1 hour and then ejaculate. will this cause problem.my flaccid penis length is 6.5 cms-7 cms and erected penis length is 9.5 cms

regards,

kumar

reddy / February 1st, 2008, 3:00 pm / #

I have a problem with my penis, It never truly gets fully erect and hard. Also I have a verry hard time when it comes time to ejackulate. It almoast seems that I loose sensitivity or something after a while. Sort of a numb feeling.

I dont know what to do about this, Can someone please help me?

Bob Banks / February 17th, 2008, 3:17 pm / #

i have problem i mostly do musterbation twice in a week now i feel that it it reducing male power i think that. is it right it reduce the male power . . . or any other health related thing.. please reply me.

wms / April 7th, 2008, 6:39 am / #

i am 29 yrs old and have been masturbating since i was 7 yrs old. To me there is nothing like masturbation it is the best sex, especially when you can stay right on the edge for hours mmmmmmmmmmmm I love it. I just cannot and dont want to keep my hands off my penis. My favorite position is to lay down naked spread eagled and watch myself in a mirror, play with my balls and my asshole. any one here wanna talk about masturbation hit me up

david / May 20th, 2008, 10:11 pm / #

whats really great is to have someone licking your balls when you masturbate especially that hot spot right under your balls between your balls and your asshole OMG i love it

david / May 20th, 2008, 10:12 pm / #

Hi
I don’t have girlfriend . How I will keep the size of may penis as it is & in active. Is it necessary of physical relation to keep my penis size active ?

SANJIB SARKAR / October 20th, 2008, 8:04 pm / #

I am 14 and live in Sarasota, FL. And my dick is litteraly the size of a tic tac. i cant even jack off because my hands are to big i have to use my tweezer. i need some help my bi cowgirl girl friend wants to have sex but she will leave me once she sees my little penis :( Please help me and the little guy.

Garret / October 23rd, 2008, 3:34 am / #

well i dont have a girlfriend yet but i have a masterbating problem im 14 and im 6 inch not hard and still there is no sperm

cody / January 5th, 2009, 4:05 pm / #

My penis is bent towards left..how will that affect my sex life?? m 19 yrs old…n is there any standard size of penis for my age?? shorter penis affects sex???

aakash / April 1st, 2009, 1:14 am / #

I am Kumar from haryana, India aged 25 years unmarried guy.

I have a problem. I am masturbating since 7 years on an average 4 times a

week from the age of 21. now i feel my penis became narrow in the base and

the penis size is drastically reduced,.the girth and length were reduced and

even if i have erection i cant last longer. the erect penis size is only 10

cms. i am very frustated and worrying a lot on this bad masturbating

habit.My penis has also been bent to the left side with right hand masturbation.

see in my case i lost penis hardness

which i had before starting masturbation at the age of 21 before 7 years

from now. my penis lookslike a child penis. i dont know whether i can

satisfy my wife or not..iam NOT GETTING

rock hard erections like what I used to get when I am 21 before I started

masturbating.

So would be great if you can answer my concerns and suggest me the possible

ways how I can getback my erectile stamina . ways how I can getback my erectile stamina . I used to masturbate watching porn movie and rubbing my penis for atleast 1 hour and then ejaculate. will this cause problem.my flaccid penis length is 6.5 cms-7 cms and erected penis length is 9.5 cms

regards,

kumar

sunny / April 2nd, 2009, 2:40 am / #

i am 32 yrs old and have been masturbating since i was 15 yrs old. Recently I am doing intercourse with my girlfriend. But problem i am facing that my penis not getting rock hard. The average period of intercourse is 25 minutes and then I get the climax. it seems that my partner getting satisfaction but am not enjoying as my penis not rock hard and not fully erect . I must add 2-3 three years back also i was getting full erection , rock hard penis during masturbation. Do i need medical attention ? Can i get back my capacity?
Please help !!!!

jibon / April 25th, 2009, 4:29 pm / #

i am 35 years old .i want to fuck my girlfriend in the asshole.my penis is not getting inside the hole .how to make the asshole big.doing this will any problem occur.

vicky / September 1st, 2009, 7:08 pm / #

sir iam aslam iam not having sex feelings when i will seen to girl my penis not standing sir what i will do help me

aslam / October 17th, 2009, 5:07 pm / #

For me, the Dr Max HGH Spray delivered the wood. Forty-five minutes after takingit I had a raging HO. The Missus could swing with both hands from the member (slight exaggeration). These effects lasted for 24 hours.

I did have slight side effects like a headache afterwards but after doing some research and talking to my doctor, he said it was fine and temporary.

He recommended when taking the Dr Max powers HGH Spray to drink lots of water. If you stay hydrated, this spray is pretty darn good! Pretty much a woody on demand!

Paul T. / October 30th, 2009, 11:40 pm / #

hello. I am having a problem. actually when i am sexually stimulated when kissing my girlfriend and watching porn, i can feel pre-cum. is this normal?

arif / November 8th, 2009, 2:34 am / #

hi my name is charles im 27 year and i have a problem sometime when i get a woman in bed i can’t get it up or i get it up for a few secs then it goes soft i used to tell myself that its ok cus it don’t happen all the time but now im not sure if its a normal what do i do?

charles / November 21st, 2009, 11:37 am / #

HI my name is stephen and i am 26 years old.I do not know if there is any hope for me because my situation is quite abnormal.I have been masturbating abnormally for as long as i can remember and i think this has affected my erection because i feel a litte hard but i am unable to achieve full erection also i ejaculate abnormally ie by scrubbing my penis against the gound while fantasizing about crazy things in my head..pls help me because i feel this is affecting me now and i don’t seem to believe if there is any hope for me..what can i do about my situation?

STEPHEN / December 26th, 2009, 10:37 pm / #

Friends!

These days, there is a lot of propaganda going on about increasing the male organ (penis) length with oral medication. Is the length of penis really important in sexual satisfaction?

Well! I myself am married since last 13 years, and am blessed with two kids too! My penis barely measures 4 inch in erected position. And I do not even perform more than one intercourse per night. But the one intercourse that I perform, lasts for around 5 to 10 minutes (1st day), 15-20 minutes (2nd day) and on 3rd consecutive day, it could last even upto 30 minutes. But friends! Such a long intercourse could dry up the lubrication in your partner’s vagina, which could cause her pains, which could sometimes lead to vaginal cancer.

So, my friends! Do you not feel craving for sexual pleasures in a humane and generous way could always be better than craving the animal way?

Leo Frank / January 6th, 2010, 4:58 pm / #

I was always wondering,how is it possible especially when one has been masterbating for a long time to stop.It is not possible,as it is an addiction.That is right,it is an unhealthy addiction.When u are addicted to something,you are not in control anymore,as your “addiction”tells you when he wants to be “fed”Just think about it.God says in His Word that everything you do,you must do to glorify Him.So tell me,How or what will you do whilst masterbating and God shows up?God has sent His Son to overcome these problems,so that we can overcome it as well,but only in Jesus Christ is it possible.The word of God also say that our warfare is not against a person or a body(flesh or blood) but against the evil spirits in the air,powers……
You can build a wall two rows of bricks and if you are not happy,you can kick it down,but once that wall is fully built,it is greater than you and then it is control.Then you cannot kick it down any more.This masterbation thing,will start to consume your whole life.It will interfere with the relationship with your wife.Your sex life will slow down.You will masterbate whenever and where you can,WHERE NOBODY CAN SEE YOU.It is because it is wrong what you are doing.It is not publicly accepted.Materbation is all about yourselve and pleasing yourselve.You only think about yourselve all the time and to please you.You actually became a slave of your own penis.You play with it,wish you can suck it.It does sound strange to read this,but think about it,it is true.As peolpe are addicted to cigarettes,so you are to masterbation.You fantasize about it being bigger,watch pornography when everyone is gone,erasing all tracks that you watched it etc.How do I know this?I am also doing it,and it is busy taking its toll.So,you cant get it up?Well watch pornography and see how it responds.It is this kind of “food”that Mr.Penis wants.Believe me,there is only one that can set you free from this,It is Jesus Christ.There is a huge percentage of born again children of God who are caught with this.It steals their joy in the Lord and keep them from growing spiritually.This thing has branches……………….incest,adultery,phedofilia,…..You can start adding on the rest.Blaming God for this?Sorry,God made everything good and He blessed the works of His hands,problem is,it is what u are doing with it.I am not judging,I am in the same boat.I have been doing it for 34 years and still is.It was that one day when a friend told me about masterbation.He told me what to do,so in private,I did it,and it was mindblowing…………………….34 years later.I am sick and tired of it,I do not know how to stop,But know that God is the solver,but will He still do it after so many times.?

Ben / January 12th, 2010, 5:35 am / #

I am Prashant from Mumbai, India. I am a 35 year old guy. I am been practising Masturbation for the last 8 years. I had a misunderstanding with my wife and she is staying with me for the last 8 months. I mean to say we have not divorced yet. My problem is that during this period I am daily masturbating i.e., one time a day during nights. This is due to the fact since my wife is away from me and i am unable to control sexual feelings. My problem is that my penis does not erected and for some reason my penis does not erect on viewing any Porn movies usulaly they do after having this practice. I drink Alcohol once in fifeteen days(i.e., Beer) ans smoke 5 to 6 Cigarettes a day. I even had a thought to use some pills without consulting a doctor/Sexologist. Sometimes I feel that I cannot borne a child due to this problem and feel that even if my wife comes back I am afraid of the eventualities. In this regard I therefore request you to suggest you to overcome this problem and even advice me to mention name of a Pill(without sidefeffects).

Prashant Sundaram / January 15th, 2010, 10:33 pm / #

I am 21 years old.I started to do it when i was 14 years old.I have become addicted of it.Now I want to stop masturbating.But i can’t stop.

I don’t know but i hope someday i will be able to overcome this painful habit.
Every one should try their best because it does not give good feelings at all when you think about your future family life.
Best of luck to all.

kajol / January 17th, 2010, 1:22 am / #

my friends are fully sex mentals,they used to fuck my penis when i sleep,does it cause any proble for me…4 boys fucked my pensis..but i never fuck them..rply..

ram / January 27th, 2010, 1:00 am / #

I M 20 YEARS OLD AND HOW CAN INCREASE MY STAMINA.PLZ GIVE ME INFORMATION ABOUT DIET.

SHAH / March 28th, 2010, 1:04 am / #

my name is ahmed.. Im 16 years old.. I do not feel that i have wet dreams .. Is it normal ? Even my penis is small so is there any way i can enlarge it ?

ahmed / May 5th, 2010, 1:24 am / #

my name is ahmed.. Im 17 years old.. Are there any medications or tablets which can enlarge my penis.. Because it is extremely small..

ahmed / May 5th, 2010, 9:06 pm / #

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