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An Essential Part to Every Relationship

Whether you and your mate are two of a kind or completely opposite from each other there is one thing that you will always have to deal with in your relationship; a disagreement that leads to an argument. Arguments are generally not something on everyone’s list of favorite things to do but they are a healthy and natural part of every relationship. They don’t always have to end with someone sleeping on the couch. It comes down to the way that each person handles the argument regardless of what the problem is. Having a genuine respect for each other and the differences in your personalities can make a big difference and make your lives much happier.

Even if you and your mate have everything in common there will come a time when an argument occurs and when the differences in how you handle them come out. Even those that love a good argument have their own unique style of arguing that never changes. Whether you are in a brand new relationship or have been married for thirty years it is something that stays with you. For some this can be a problem all by itself that needs to be dealt with and in many cases can make the argument last even longer. The key is to understand the different ways that people argue and making the effort to know your partner’s “style”.

There are two basic categories that people fall into…NOW & LATER. The first category of people need to lay everything out on the table and discuss the problem to its entirety right then and there as soon as the argument starts. They want it to be over “NOW”. It is their hope that a solution will be found quickly in order to move on. Most in this category want to work on the solution with their partner thinking that will help make the situation better. They feel that solving the problem right away is the best choice because then it can be forgotten right away. This will usually involve a lot of talking and sometimes yelling or crying but the goal is always the same, to have the argument be over and done with.

The other category need to have the time to reflect, usually by themselves, for a varied amount of time on the problem and make up their mind how they feel about what has happened and what needs to be done to fix it. They have no problem waiting as long as it takes and can wait until “LATER”. When they are ready to discuss it they will know exactly what they want to say and it will be easier to make the solution come about if they are prepared with their own ideas. Many times this means that they will shut out their mate and want to be alone which can give the impression that they are mad even if they aren’t. This group doesn’t feel like going on for hours in a heated dispute; they would rather stay calm and the only way is to go off in their own corner for awhile.

Of course it is not always an even split down the middle; some people may have a little of both or parts of them. There needs to be a basis of respect for this delicate dynamic before any problem solving can occur. Whether you are a “NOW” or a “LATER” once you know what category you and your partner fall into it can be much easier to deal with the next argument once it happens. No one wants to plan out an argument or even count on one occurring to execute a plan. Respecting each other and trying to make an effort in caring about how the other person deals with things is a wonderful way to let each other know that you care.


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